Peri, every woman I socialise with is peri, all difficult!

[CreationNat1on]

Is the answer, we are ALL menopausal???

I m just wondering, is it a stage of life thing, combined with post pandemic and culture wars, all the women I know, just seem so cranky. Where are the light hearted laughs? Why is it all comparisons and blame and passive aggressive itchiness?

Dud anyone else find mid 40s a difficult time with "friends".

I actually feel more chilled an stable as I get older. I hope it continues. I am peri, no any major changes yet.
The change I find difficult to come to terms with is dealing with other grumpy people lol. Beyond grumpy actually.

Lots of my friends are peri (mid - late 40s)
None of them are bitches. The 2 don't have to go hand in hand together.

"no

You do not get to tell another woman that they are having mood swings when they are telling you that they are not

YOu do not get to ascribe behaviour you dont like to "peri" etc - this is just another facet of calling someone you dont get on with a "Narc" or suggesting someone you find difficult has ASD

People get angry without it being hormonal, people get to be difficult to you without it being ASD, and this fashion for splashing labels around onto any aspect of anyone's behaviour you dont like is a nasty, insidious form of bullying, and in the case of calling women "menopausal" or accusing them of having "mood swings" it is extremely detrimental to all women, and highly sexist

And the worst thing about this utter drivel is that it isn't even originating with men! a lot of the time. It is sexism from women directed at women"

No. Is it better just to tell them they were just horrendous to live with? They were just a bitch to be around? That their rage and mood swings appeared at the time of menopause and disappeared several years later? Coincidence??? You don't seem to grasp the point that I and other posters were making. My mum doesn't admit to being moody and full of rage. She doesn't admit to the numerous physical symptoms either, that affected the quality of her life to the point she was in bed for days on end. It's not that she is saying that it was something else. Her version of what life was like at that point in our lives is very different to these around her. And the reality is her denial of that affected our relationship. And also the relationship between her and my dad. And neither relationship ever fully recovered. There is little doubt in my mind that these things were all peri and menopause related.

I'm big enough and mature enough (in both ways) to accept that my family were bearing the brunt of my mood swings before I realised what it was. It didn't feel like mood swings to me at the start either - but that's what it was. Their feelings are valid. It was affecting them but not me. I am glad that it wasn't long before I realised what was going on and did something about it. Should my family, who knew I was acting very much out of character just put up with it, because it wasn't their place to say anything??

It isn't drivel. It's reality for lots of women. The sad thing is, in my mums day women were not allowed to express it. It was described as "their nerves". They weren't allowed to be open about how they were feeling. It was (and to some still is) seen as a weakness.

You know, it is actually ok to say peri and menopause exist. Denying it is sexist bullshit that causes misery to others. It's ok to go to the doctors and get help with any of the symptoms, if needed. It's ok to understand that some will genuinely not have many if any symptoms. But it's also ok to understand that lots will experience some if not many symptoms. Much like going through puberty or having periods or even childbirth. Every woman's experience is different.

It's like puberty in reverse. If your teenager is being hormonal do you not recognise that? And try and give them the tools to deal with the rollercoaster of hormones at that point in their lives? Or do you just think they are being awful/unreasonable/emotional etc? And not try to help them? How many teenagers recognise their their outburst is due to their hormones and act accordingly?

How do you explain away the problems faced by menopausal women with no children? Or grown independent ones? Or those (the absolute majority by the way) who are not moving into senior managerial roles at this time in their lives, or ever? And how do you imagine that menopause could cause such major physical changes in women while having no effect whatsoever on their brains, which are after all part of our bodies and full of hormone receptors?

Why do you think it being natural is of any relevance? I mean, so is death, and malaria, and tsunamis? And if you're going to claim that it's beneficial (which you clearly conflate with being natural) were you thinking of backing up that claim with anything?

I can only talk about my own experience.
Neither my grandma or aunt or mother or any other woman I know closely had any issues with their moods around their menopause.
Neither I am having any negative mood ones. On the contrary, I do not miss my PMS when I was younger, at all.
Being pregnant was a blessing for me regarding hormones.
We are all different.
And I am fed up of hearing that women become something just short of unhinged when they get to their top time on experience and knowledge. I do not see this movement as a coincidence, at all.
Mature, experienced, knowledgeable women are reliable, good team players, able, efficient and worthy. That is my experience.

If you wanted to speak of your own experience you were free to do that. That’s absolutely not what you did. You declared that ‘it’ was caused by teenagers and senior management roles eroding one’s patience.

And with all due respect, your grandma, aunt, mother all happen to share your genes you know. So they’re not exactly a representative sample.

Literally no one is claiming that ‘women’, as in all women, become just short of unhinged. Your obvious political ideology is what has forced those women who do suffer mood issues to do so in silence for decades. And of course you have to find it a conspiracy theory when some of them decide they’re not going to do that anymore. Yes, we are all different. And yes it is highly inconvenient for a certain brand of feminism that dear mother nature decides to screw with many of us at menopause. But it’s reality.

Ok, so speak about your own experience, instead of saying that all women I know are difficult to deal with... because the menopause.
What about that? Or is that ok?

What on earth is peri menopause? Wouldn't it have classed it as just "getting older" before?

What an utterly bizarre post. Why would people who say they having symptoms of peri menopause never have had a single mental or physical health issue before they were 40? I know plenty of people who have had mental and physical problems in their 20s and 30s and then gone on to have symptoms they ascribe to menopause or peri menopause.

1. We're talking about you, not the OP. You're trying to change the subject because you know perfectly well what I said is true.
2. She didn't say all women she knows. She said specifically all the women she socialises with/is friends with. Read properly.

Why would anyone bother to answer such a ridiculously dishonest question. You can type. There's this thing called google, use it.

I don't want anyone assuming I'm suffering a million health problems and personality distortions when I'm not. Assumed just because of my age & sex. Naff off with that. Plus, if I need your support, I'll ask for it.

If people are ill then of course they need fair treatment. I could never figure out why menopause needed its own special "work place policies" separate from the work place policies that should exist for any staff member who is ill.

Anyway, maybe OP is a difficult personality who attracts other difficult personalities into her life. That could explain her lived experience.

Imagine I'm one of the difficult personalities in OP's life and OP is just assuming I have peri when reality is... I'm a bitch. Or in fact I find OP hard work and she brings out my inner bitch. I could be pretty cheesed off that OP is making peri assumptions about me & others in our social circle just because of our age & sex.

that's where the ODFOD tone of some PP come from. Stop assuming stuff just because of our age & sex. it's not being helpful or pattern finding, it's shoeboxing us into stereotypes.

Ah ok, so you've always been a cunt then? Noted.

no, I don't conflate natural with beneficial. hence I said the menopause is natural AND beneficial. It evolved for our benefit.

100% agreed

Agreed. What a ridiculous post. I've had a lifetime of health problems, now at 43 there are some new symptoms that I'm trying to unpick to figure out what they are, likely peri menopause. Does it mean that they compare to the awful things I've endured til now? No, probably not, am not enjoying these extra problems and I will I try and get on top of them if I can.

It's like puberty in reverse. If your teenager is being hormonal do you not recognise that? And try and give them the tools to deal with the rollercoaster of hormones at that point in their lives? Or do you just think they are being awful/unreasonable/emotional etc? And not try to help them? How many teenagers recognise their their outburst is due to their hormones and act accordingly?

and here we go...puberty... that other imaginary MN bogeyman behavioural dustbin.

Start a thread asking if teenagers are nice, and 95% agree they almost all are kind, decent, sensible people.

Yet any issue with the behaviour of anyone from 10-20 is put down to "puberty" rather than personal responsibility or parenting.

I am well trained in the teenage neurological development, and the amount of BS written on MN as an excuse for poor behaviour, when there is no excuse for it is just as bad as all the blaming on meonpause/ASD/narcs etc and the general wild splashing around of labels to try and excuse or put people down, when it is all a load of tosh,

There are threads of MN blaming puberty for the behaviour of NINE and TEN year olds - just as pathetic as saying all middleaged women are sickly and emotionally unstable

Nemesis is not fun. I apologise to the universe for being a 20 something know-all. Please make it stop now.

///

I actually love this and cringe at what a dismissive prat I was then 😁

You are just a delight. And can't be taken seriously. 😂😂

While it might be peri for your friendship age group, I do also think that people in general are generally more unhappy and cranky than they were a few years ago. We have come out of a pandemic and lockdowns and ever since we seem to be in a perpetual cycle of bad news. This coupled with the strange online world where everyone is either living a perfect life or promoting themselves, just makes for very unhappy, anxious and angry people.

Well, I'm 47 and three years post menopause. My last period was in Jan. 2020. Peri was very much a thing for me from 2016-2020. Thankfully once I got the right HRT in the autumn of 2017, my perimenopause symptoms eased off completely, only to return again during the pandemic. Another rejig of my HRT and the additional of testosterone, and all has abated. But, if I do miss a few doses, symptoms do return.

I think I've always been cranky tbh. However, with HRT, am considerably less cranky. For the first time in my life, am not depressed either.

I came on to MN today because I was feeling so bad & needed a laugh…this was not the thread for me! I’m 47 been on HRT for a year and a bit.
I have two DC now in their teens and have worked most of my life in technology.
The peri menopause has reduced me to a shadow of my former self. As well as all the physical symptoms which are shit beyond belief, weight gain, hair loss, extreme fatigue are some of my favs. I have depression, anxiety (neither of which I have ever experienced before). I feel lost…I imagine like puberty and pregnancy we all experience these things differently but ffs would be nice at the very least to see women supporting other women.

I’m cranky, ever so cranky !