Page 2 | Peri, every woman I socialise with is peri, all difficult!

CreationNat1on · 2023-04-30T09:28:55+00:00

Is the answer, we are ALL menopausal??? I m just wondering, is it a stage of life thing, combined with post pandemic and culture wars, all the women I know, just seem so cranky. Where are the light hearted laughs? Why is it all comparisons and blame and passive aggressive itchiness? Dud anyone else find mid 40s a difficult time with "friends".

Coffeeandbourbons · 05/05/2023 12:00

It isn’t menopausal women, it’s everyone. Humour and good intent has been sucked from society in favour of seeking offence, looking for micro aggressions and seeing everything everyone says in the worst possible light. I was talking to DH about this yesterday. In our bid to ‘be kind’ and consider everyone’s ‘mental health’ we’ve created a society without sincerity or humour or honesty, where everyone tiptoes on eggshells around each other and overthinks every last interaction.

That’s my theory anyway.

ItsCalledAConversation · 05/05/2023 12:01

eatdrinkandbemerry · 30/04/2023 17:12

I'm peri and I'm a delight 🤷‍♀️
Maybe it's just your group of friends 🤔

Haha, this. Maybe you need some new friends OP.

Original poster

CreationNat1on · 05/05/2023 15:55

Coffeeandbourbons · 05/05/2023 12:00

It isn’t menopausal women, it’s everyone. Humour and good intent has been sucked from society in favour of seeking offence, looking for micro aggressions and seeing everything everyone says in the worst possible light. I was talking to DH about this yesterday. In our bid to ‘be kind’ and consider everyone’s ‘mental health’ we’ve created a society without sincerity or humour or honesty, where everyone tiptoes on eggshells around each other and overthinks every last interaction.

That’s my theory anyway.

I think you are onto something!!

I m blaming ally ship, it forces everyone into corners!!

OP posts:

ChaToilLeam · 05/05/2023 16:10

In the midst of peri menopause, it is a thing. Ratty moods, insomnia, erratic cycle, aargh! HRT has helped a lot but I definitely have a shorter fuse. We don’t all go through it the same way.

BTW, my DM swears she sailed though menopause without any symptoms, but I think she may have forgotten exactly what it was like. She definitely had the ratty moods too!

Xrays · 05/05/2023 16:15

Tootsey11 · 30/04/2023 17:01

Laughing at those who think they are through it, all done. You do all realise that symptoms can hit at any time from the time periods stop until you die. I know of women who thought they were all done, then atrophy and hot flushes hit in their sixties.

Your attitude is condescending to those women who are having a harder time than you. Just keep your fingers crossed that you don't develop symptoms further down the line.

This 💯

And those who think it will never hit them need to have a good read of this thread -

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/menopause/4719854-uti-soreness-are-my-bike-riding-days-over?page=1

I wish women wouldn’t be so dismissive of other women. I’m 42 and went into early menopause aged 37 due to autoimmune issues. I appreciate my own experience may not be typical but for me when my oestrogen stopped it was like I lost the “caring” hormone and suddenly became very bitter and snappy. There’s definitely a correlation between the two, it’s well documented.

UTI, soreness - are my bike riding days over? | Mumsnet

I'm nearly 60 and post-menopausal for 5 years (luckily sailed through that process with no difficulties). Unfortunately, I've had my first UTI for the...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/menopause/4719854-uti-soreness-are-my-bike-riding-days-over?page=1

Wellthatwasodd · 05/05/2023 17:21

Hbh17 · 30/04/2023 16:32

It is made up nonsense and pseudo-science that, unfortunately, merely adds to the "woe is me" narrative that some women choose to adopt.
Or what used to be known as "getting a bit older" 😂
And I say this as a genuine old bag, who didn't hit menopause until aged 56 and never considered "peri" as a thing at all.

I presume you’re trolling!

I have definitely been peri, it didn’t make me a bitch. One of my friends has only got a handful of hours sleep for years, and she’s one of the most funny and thoughtful people I’ve met.

Whats your excuse?

Internationalwomendayheadquarters · 05/05/2023 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nottodaty · 05/05/2023 17:36

I’m nearly 45….I’ve got fatter and weight doesn’t shift. Two nights this week insomnia and sweating in bed. I’m suddenly a lot more short tempered and at times bad anxiety. And acne to top it off - chin with big sore spots.

I did suffer from horrendous periods and horrible PMT. So put on mirena years ago which was life changing BUT I’ve restarted periods and every two weeks (admittedly not in as much pain as pre mirena)

I would be happier to go back to my slim size 8, could eat whatever, sleeping without waking up in pile of sweat and the spots to disappear. But also more carefree and no crippling panic attacks.

Wish I could just floated over peri and menopause & be me again.

Giselletheunicorn · 05/05/2023 18:54

This thread is fucking depressing. I can't believe the ignorance and lack of compassion on here.

Menopause is like childbirth, some women have a fairly straightforward experience, others have a more difficult one. If you glided through barely breaking a sweat, congratulations, but that doesn't mean it's OK to bash everyone else.

I've been in good health all my life and lead a busy life and just want to get on with shit. Perimenopause left me with vertigo, semi-permanent migraines, crap digestion, muscle pain, brain fog so bad I thought I had Alzheimer's, insomnia, hair loss and worsened allergies. I couldn't look after my son, I couldn't perform my job. All I can say is thank God for HRT.

It makes me furious that people on Mumsnet (of all places) seem to view menopause as a fad invented by Davina McCall....

Xrays · 05/05/2023 18:55

Giselletheunicorn · 05/05/2023 18:54

This thread is fucking depressing. I can't believe the ignorance and lack of compassion on here.

Menopause is like childbirth, some women have a fairly straightforward experience, others have a more difficult one. If you glided through barely breaking a sweat, congratulations, but that doesn't mean it's OK to bash everyone else.

I've been in good health all my life and lead a busy life and just want to get on with shit. Perimenopause left me with vertigo, semi-permanent migraines, crap digestion, muscle pain, brain fog so bad I thought I had Alzheimer's, insomnia, hair loss and worsened allergies. I couldn't look after my son, I couldn't perform my job. All I can say is thank God for HRT.

It makes me furious that people on Mumsnet (of all places) seem to view menopause as a fad invented by Davina McCall....

Completely agree.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 05/05/2023 19:35

To HBH17 wow you really could do with reading up on peri and educating yourself and not just going by your own ignorant facts. Shocking to read what you wrote. Peri can last for years and has lots of horrible symptoms which hrt does help with.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 05/05/2023 19:37

Well said Giselle. agree with you completely.

goingbananas89 · 05/05/2023 21:56

You sound like a really toxic "friend"

IfICouldIStillWouldNot · 05/05/2023 22:01

I identify as peri menopausal but my fiends are my precious saviours.

My friends understand my problems, feelings and frustrations.

Nimbostratus100 · 05/05/2023 22:05

ChaToilLeam · 05/05/2023 16:10

In the midst of peri menopause, it is a thing. Ratty moods, insomnia, erratic cycle, aargh! HRT has helped a lot but I definitely have a shorter fuse. We don’t all go through it the same way.

BTW, my DM swears she sailed though menopause without any symptoms, but I think she may have forgotten exactly what it was like. She definitely had the ratty moods too!

how ridiculous, now woman are imposing "peri" on other women and denying their personal experiences. That is even worse than all this claptrap we have to tolerate with people claiming they are suddenly all weak and incapable because of their age, and giving the impression that all women can be expected to be irrational and sickly in middle age.

if you are unwell, see a doctor. Most of us are firstly fine. stop imposing on us. In particular, stop imposing on women who have TOLD YOU they were fine

CoronationQuiche · 05/05/2023 22:14

Circleoffifths · 30/04/2023 17:12

I am 47 - definitely cranky and much less tolerant of bullshit than I used to be. Not much sign of periods stopping though.

I’m a similar age and similarly cranky with no sign of periods stopping. I’m really quite enjoying being less amenable!

tigger1001 · 06/05/2023 10:36

"if you are unwell, see a doctor. Most of us are firstly fine. stop imposing on us. In particular, stop imposing on women who have TOLD YOU they were fine"

Some of us have borne the brunt of relatives who look back and said they sailed through it - they don't remember (or choose not to) how awful they were. That's what that posted was getting at. My mum said the same - she sailed though menopause with hardly a symptom, while I felt her wrath and also witnessed the days she spent in bed. But back in her day, you didn't say anything as it just wasn't talked about. No support etc.

The mood swings in particular dont just affect the woman going through them. Maybe you need to stop imposing your feeling on to others, and stop telling others how to feel when they are on the receiving end of someone's mood swings and rage.

Speaking for myself, I know my family noticed the rage induced moods before I did, as it was a gradual thing. They definitely picked up on my lack of patience and irritability. I didn't really think about it until I was full on rage. I am thankful that hrt has helped.

W0tnow · 06/05/2023 21:29

@Giselletheunicorn you’ve no idea how relieved you’ve hade me feel. Really. I have been terrified these last few days. Really terrified. I’d convinced myself I have Alzheimer’s.

i birthed 3 babies. Honestly, it was as easy as falling off a log. I never had PMT. I never even had peri. But the last 6 weeks have been horrific. I won’t bore you with details. I’m glad I’ve never poo poo’ed others’ menopause symptoms. I saw mum have a terrible time with it. I thought I’d ‘sailed through’ it all.

Nope.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 06/05/2023 21:39

Crikey

Only a short way into the thread but wow.

Those posters who have not had a difficult time or no symptoms at all I'm glad for you. A bit jealous but yea, glad for you.

I'm 47 and had a really shit few years before finally getting HRT. Things are better now but I'm a different person and I miss how confident and alert and "on it" I used to be. Hopefully that'll come back but it pisses me off how the experience I have is dismissed by others who haven't had symptoms. My anxiety, brain fog and lack of confidence led to me resigning from my first job in many years as I thought it was me, I was crap at it and was useless. A year and HRT later I look back and it's so bloody obvious.

Hey ho

Please try and see that just because your sailing through this stage of life others are having a bit of a shittier time

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 06/05/2023 21:40

tigger1001 · 30/04/2023 18:26

So much ignorance on this thread. Maybe some posters need to appreciate different women experience menopause and peri menopause differently to them. And I am happy for anyone who hasn't experienced some of the more crippling symptoms, but please don't be so bloody ignorant as to belittle these of us who have not been so lucky.

Peri menopause is definitely a thing. As discussed and recognised by doctors. And peri menopause is different to the menopause.

I am very much in peri menopause. Still having regular periods. But the brain fog and the rage are very real. I am very grateful for hrt. And very grateful of the press that peri is now getting as it really does help not to feel alone. My brain fog was so bad I was really concerned I had early onset dementia. When I said that to the doctor, she said lots of women say that to her.

Op, whether it's peri or not it's hard to say.

You have articulated this much better than I did!

Pollydollydoodle · 06/05/2023 23:08

I'm horrified by some of the attitudes on this thread. Whatever happened to support?!
OP I'm with you. I could see my peri friends far enough some days and I'm sure they feel the same about me.
Menopause is tough.... not that some of the posters on this thread would agree!
I find a few days/weeks distancing myself can help. Px

AlienatedChildGrown · 07/05/2023 14:18

I don’t think it’s new, it’s just what “The Change” is called now. I grew up with my Grandmothers and Great Aunts going through, or having gone through “The Change”. I didn’t even have a very clear idea what periods were, but I decided I wasn’t having anything to do with “The Change” stuff when I grew up, cos it made people seem wildly grumpy at times, somewhat unusually tearful, far more of a worrywort than they used to be, hot and bothered etc.

Later my mum and my aunts were going through The Change and my “fuck this for a game of soldiers” attitude strengthened. By orders of magnitude. They went from lovely to … sometimes really quite hard to be around. And started nitpicking with each other, which they didn’t used to do. Or at least not in front of us they didn’t. It was not nice to see and even worse when it got directed at me.

I’m currently going through “The Change” and I’m not at all surprised they were more grumpy than usual at minimum. Amazingly enough just deciding you want nothing to do with the change business is no protection from it. And it sucks. Far worse on the inside than it was when looking in from the outside. IIRC at the time I thought they should just try harder to be reasonable, rather than give into their hormones. Nemesis is not fun. I apologise to the universe for being a 20 something know-all. Please make it stop now.

As far as I can tell the only difference is we call it peri now and HRT has come along a bit since my mum went on it when it was this new, shiny thing.

I’m not grumpy today though. Day 2 of oestrogen. Don’t care if it’s the hormones working, just the placebo effect or the universe has accepted my apology for rolling my eyeballs at older female relatives back in the day. I feel better than I have for a very long time.🚀

MushMonster · 07/05/2023 14:24

I seriously think it has nothingvto do with the manopause, but with having teenagers at home.
And likely taking managerial roles and senior posts, where you have to deal with "grown up" teenagers.
I think it erodes ones patience, even if you are a well rounded experienced 40 something.....
And you want to be, for once, the one to decide what to do, where to go.....

Nimbostratus100 · 07/05/2023 14:25

tigger1001 · 06/05/2023 10:36

"if you are unwell, see a doctor. Most of us are firstly fine. stop imposing on us. In particular, stop imposing on women who have TOLD YOU they were fine"

Some of us have borne the brunt of relatives who look back and said they sailed through it - they don't remember (or choose not to) how awful they were. That's what that posted was getting at. My mum said the same - she sailed though menopause with hardly a symptom, while I felt her wrath and also witnessed the days she spent in bed. But back in her day, you didn't say anything as it just wasn't talked about. No support etc.

The mood swings in particular dont just affect the woman going through them. Maybe you need to stop imposing your feeling on to others, and stop telling others how to feel when they are on the receiving end of someone's mood swings and rage.

Speaking for myself, I know my family noticed the rage induced moods before I did, as it was a gradual thing. They definitely picked up on my lack of patience and irritability. I didn't really think about it until I was full on rage. I am thankful that hrt has helped.

no

You do not get to tell another woman that they are having mood swings when they are telling you that they are not

YOu do not get to ascribe behaviour you dont like to "peri" etc - this is just another facet of calling someone you dont get on with a "Narc" or suggesting someone you find difficult has ASD

People get angry without it being hormonal, people get to be difficult to you without it being ASD, and this fashion for splashing labels around onto any aspect of anyone's behaviour you dont like is a nasty, insidious form of bullying, and in the case of calling women "menopausal" or accusing them of having "mood swings" it is extremely detrimental to all women, and highly sexist

And the worst thing about this utter drivel is that it isn't even originating with men! a lot of the time. It is sexism from women directed at women

Nimbostratus100 · 07/05/2023 14:27

the menopause is natural, and beneficial. If you personally are having medical problems, see a doctor. Dont invent a medical issue for every other woman under the sun