"Oh I reckon you'll be fine"

[TheOrigRights]

More than a couple of people have said they think I'll sail through the menopause.
It's got me wondering what it might be about me that makes them say this.
From what know, there are factors which can influence the age of menopause, but other than that, it's just luck of the draw.

So, what do you think it might be about me that makes people think this?

Of course, I hope they're right.

Statistics.
Most people are fine.
No need to catastrophise.

I was fine. Most are.

This topic keeps coming up weekly 😃
There are a few older (long) threads OP if you scroll through.

Medical stats show -
25% of women have no symptoms
75% women have moderate- severe symptoms, enough to interfere with quality of life, for varying timescales

The British Menopause Society response to the Department of Health and Social Care’s call for evidence to help inform the development of the government’s Women’s Health Strategy
18 August 2021

As referred to above, whilst most women attribute hot flushes and night sweats to the menopause, many do not associate other symptoms such as tiredness, low mood, anxiety, poor memory and concentration or sensation of brain fog to the menopause. As a result, women may fail to understand why they are experiencing them. Menopausal symptoms affect more than 75% of women. So, whilst not all women going through the menopause will experience menopausal symptoms, the majority will and over 25% describe severe symptoms. Menopausal symptoms may last for a long time with an average duration of 7 years, and 1 in 3 women experience symptoms beyond the 7 years.

No one can possibly predict how the menopause will affect you.

Some are fine, others, far from fine.

I would be surprised if vaginal atrophy or some bladder issues didn't rear their ugly head though. If they do, seek treatment immediately as atrophy is one bad boy that doesn't go away.

OK, so people are saying this because most people are fine.
To be clear, I am NOT catastrophising at all. Quite the opposite.

It's just that it's talked about quite a bit these days - partly because awareness has increased and partly my age.

My peers talk about their symptoms, and more than a few times people have said they think I'll be fine. I guess I should just ask them why they think so, when I have offered up no info about my menstrual cycle.

It just made me wonder whether they see something in me physically or in my lifestyle that leads them to say this.

@JinglingXmasbells sorry, I should have read the board fully before posting. I'll have a look and see what other threads say.

Lots of people are fine, as others have said. I was fine ( still am, 52), haven’t really experienced any difficult symptoms at all.

Many are not fine, that's the thing. They just don't join the dots between lack of sleep/ irritability/brain fog/ atrophy/ anxiety and the menopause.

Anyway, It's HOW these symptoms impact your life, that's the issue. You can have mild symptoms which are a pain but overall, don't affect your job/ relationships/life. Then there are symptoms which make sex impossible, sleep impossible and work impossible.

Nobody can predict at all.

I do understand that many people are fine, I am asking whether people might have an idea why some of my peers are saying they think I will be fine.
What is it about me (or others) which lead people to make assumptions.

Are you someone they perceive as resilient and doesn't really complain about much? I wonder if that's what they mean, it is an odd thing to say though!

Where on earth do these stats come from? No one has ever asked me, or any of my friends. We've discussed this in the past in the various woman's groups I belong to, around 90% of people I know who have told me how they feel, are absolutely fine. I have two good friends who suffered with the menopause, and also a cousin who hit the menopause at 21. Every single other woman I know, the friends I have grown up with, the over 50s woman's sports clubs I belong to, the other mums I met years ago at antenatal classes or school gate, they all report no issues. And some confusion about the amount of publicity menopausal problems are getting in the media.

I know menopause can be a problem for some women, but for most it isn't. We are evolved to lose our fertility half way through our adult lives in order to be available to care for grandchildren.

(I am not saying we are morally obliged to care for grandchildren, in any way, just that the menopause is a natural, healthy stage of women's lives, and normally there are no problems)

Well said @Nimbostratus100

Same here. I work with a lot of women in their late 40s / 50s and early 60s. I also do some hobbies and volunteering with similar aged women.

I am asking whether people might have an idea why some of my peers are saying they think I will be fine.

I think you'll have to ask them that. It's not something I've ever heard anyone say.

I'm just the messenger! I don't know where they get their stats from, but like all medical research it will be from a range of sources.

It's compiled by the British Menopause Society- look at their website.

I’m not entirely sure what you are getting at or hoping for here OP or if it’s just fishing for compliments somehow that you are fit/slim/healthy/resilient etc (none of which on their own will avoid menopausal symptoms of course although they might mitigate them a bit).

But I assume that when they are describing their symptoms or concerns you are saying you don’t have any and if you are at an age when it’s likely they might have started (?>48-50) then they are saying you will likely be fine.

Else it seems odd that in an entirely unrelated context someone would choose to say you will likely not get menopausal problems.

Is another possibility that you are a bit fierce or give off an air that you don’t like people to see you as vulnerable so they are trying to soother the water and say ‘oh don’t worry I bet you will sail through it’ when the subject arises.

I'm tending to agree with @Rabbitsandhabits
Friends don't have a crystal ball to predict how they or you will find menopause.
It's not a state of mind, although lifestyle can mitigate some of it a little.
If you're going to get hot flushes zillions of times a day or night sweats, having a 'positive attitude' won't stop them.

Would you tell your daughters they'd be 'fine' once their periods start and never have pain, or flooding, or PMS, or hormonal acne etc, in their lives?

Would you tell other women they'd be 'fine' in childbirth and sail through it without any intervention?

People may be fine during menopause but then have ailments later in life caused by the loss of the hormones - osteoporosis, atrophy etc.

A few years ago my DH said he didn't think the menopause was "a thing". He thought it was a made up excuse women made for being moody/forgetful etc!!🙄

They do not know, these are just comments to re assure you, not medical opinions/ predictions.

Nobody knows if you will be ok or not, probably they are telling you that because you look more anxious than you should. If they could really read the signs/make accurate medical predictions they would probably get the Nobel prize as the sad thing of the menopause is that it presents in such different ways that is impossible to predict how it will be for you.

It’s just something that people say. It’s not really about you and how they view you.

It’s like when you moan about childbirth and then realise there’s someone pregnant or who wants kids there. You feel you need to reassure them ‘ah but you will be fine’. No one has a clue wether you will or not. But often people feel bad for making something sound bad (or realistic) when someone who may experience it is around.

I would think it's just one of those things people say that they think is reassuring - no one's going to say 'oh I think you're going to suffer terribly with the menopause' are they.

If they only seem to say it to you though and not others then it might be because they see you as someone that just copes with whatever is thrown at them and so just assume you will also cope with the menopause.

I always hoped I would go through the menopause and be too busy to notice as I work 12 hour days, quite fit, had 2 easy pregnancies.
Hell no!
Anxiety so bad j had to stop driving
Dizziness
Dry mouth
Arthritis depression,bladder issues,sweats,ringing in my ears fatigue.
Not all at once over 5 years.Tbh I wasn't expecting any of this. No one can tell how you will be.
Be positive though .

Nobody can predict or say with certainty who is going to struggle and who is not. Just in same way nobody can predict how easy childbirth is going to be, who is going to have horrendous periods, PMT, or post-natal depression. Because we are ALL DIFFERENT.

Being "fine" is a subjective term. Some people do indeed get very few symptoms. Others might get hot flushes and vaginal dryness but are happy to put up with that, and can cope with the other issues. Some might have a combination of symptoms which come and go with their cycle. Others will decide that their symptoms are bad enough to see a doctor about, or to go on HRT.

There is no right way, no wrong way, and not having symptoms does not make you a better or more accomplished individual than someone who is on HRT or who finds her symptoms hard to cope with.

Just wanted to reiterate what @whatisforteamum has said. I was also slim, healthy, not anxious etc etc

My periods stopped suddenly in august 2018. By December anxiety and hot sweats descended. By January i couldn't drive for 20 minutes due to being riddled with anxiety!! Being in hell doesn't come close!! I was dizzy, hot, stomach in knots, nauseous, the lot.

Absolutely no one but no one can predict the menopause.

Oh and I was weeing every 20 minutes and didn't know why.

What IS important though, is HOW you manage any troublesome symptoms. There is no medal for soldiering on and suffering.

Saying "Oh you will be fine" That's just a figure of speech. It's what I say to my daughter before an exam or something. But then talk through why she should be fine ( plenty of revision etc) Menopause? A totally different ball game !!