"Oh I reckon you'll be fine"

[TheOrigRights]

More than a couple of people have said they think I'll sail through the menopause.
It's got me wondering what it might be about me that makes them say this.
From what know, there are factors which can influence the age of menopause, but other than that, it's just luck of the draw.

So, what do you think it might be about me that makes people think this?

Of course, I hope they're right.

Not an expert but I suspect if you haven’t had any issues with fertility/reproduction (and that’s obviously a very wide range) you may have a less problematic menopause. I personally think some of us suffer more with hormonal imbalance than others and menopause is kind of the ultimate one. I have had some issues and started to experience some menopausal symptoms in my early forties. I think menopause is also psychologically difficult for the childless (not by choice).

I am now later forties and a lot of my friends are talking about this and having some issues. Some of them just look/seem a bit knocked out. We all know our own bodies and what seems about right for simply getting older.

To me what’s important is that everyone understands what it is, the symptoms it can cause, the treatment available, the risks and benefits in the short and long term and that as women we don’t judge others for the choices they make as you just cannot walk in another’s shoes especially with something as personal as the menopause.

There probably isn't much connection between fertility/pregnancy and menopause (well, not in my own experience.)

I thought the menopause had passed me by at 52. My periods were still every month but very light. I'd had easy births, no period issues, no other symptoms and wondered what all the fuss was about. I was a healthy weight, exercised, ate all the right food.

But the minute my periods stopped, the flushes came hourly, sleeplessness started, I began dreading work (1:1 in client facing role) in case I had a massive hot flush.

My Mum (ditto with no history of anything amiss) was menopausal around 50, as was her Mum, but my Mum carried on having flushes, sweats and insomnia into her 80s. Her then GP refused her HRT at 60, saying she was too old.

You can't predict any of it.

And as a PP said, if you 'sail' through it, it's luck, not about being more stoical, or 'getting on with it'.

My dr thinks that lack of sleep due to menopause is a huge, unrecognised health risk as it weakens the immune system, affects all our functions, and can lead to weight gain= diabetes.

@JinglingXmasbells totally agree with your GP re the sleep problems. They are brutal and as you say, can cause no end of other issues and symptoms. Sadly, even HRT doesn't address my sleep issues and have had to resort to taking a prescription medicine just to sleep. That can't be right, but increasing or changing oestrogen just doesn't work. I am however going give the lifestyle and diet a kick up the backside, to see if that helps!

I should add.
Mirena coil...fantastic to stop flooding and periods.
Hrt for dreadful insomnia which I thought was having teens.
Exercise with weights.Ditched alcohol and now take vit D and magnesium.
Arthritis has gone .
Insomnia sorted so moods are better.
Anxiety considerably better I can catch a bus and go shopping.
Hair loss lessened,bladder much better.
It tòok a while but I'm fitter than ever with a BMI of 20.

Runaround50 do you take magnesium. It helped me sleep and my anxiety is almost gone now.

How do you usually react to hormonal disruptions and cycles?

I have a rough time with periods and dreadful pregnancies. My peri menopause has been rough. My mum was the same. Her periods didn’t stop until she was 62 (what joys!)

When I was on my third pregnancy my midwife said “you’ll have a rough time with the menopause,” so I assumed they must be related.

@whatisforteamum no magnesium yet. Any recommendations on which one to take?

I've got the Boots one as another one gave me upset tum for a bit.
Think is is magnesium oxide.2 tablets before bed and my sleep is amazing.
Only looked it up as dm was prescribed it for her heart.

Just bought some magnesium.
Fingers crossed 🤞

I'm sorry that HRT didn't do the full job for you @Runaround50 .
You might find diet helps.
It wasn't a GP who discussed sleep with me, BTW. It was my consultant (gynae/menopause specialist.)
Poor sleep impacts on insulin and can in time contribute to insulin resistance and all metabolic syndrome diseases.
It would be good if this was recognised and we didn't dismiss poor sleep as 'one of those things'.

Perhaps they're just trying to reassure you, rather than saying "holy shit my menopause is awful, I expect yours will be too, so brace yourself!".

But most people genuinely are fine, in the same way that most women are OK having periods. Yes it's not fun but for most it's not debilitating. It's only since Davina came along and told us all that being menopausal was essentially a disability that there's been all the drama.

Because you know that menopause is a perfectly normal process, not an illness.
Apart from the (possibly disputed) stats mentioned, anecdotal evidence alone will tell you that lots of women ARE fine.
Above all, because this is about attitude of mind and resilience. If you don't routinely make a fuss about common minor ailments, if you don't go off sick at the drop of a hat, if you're not unduly influenced by the latest media bandwagon then.....you'll be fine!
(Speaking as an oldie who can tick all of the above).

The point is that you may have some/many of the symptoms previously listed - that is out of your control - but you can control how you react to them and choose not to over dramatise.

@Hbh17

I thought we'd moved on from that kind of attitude.

I think it's not a helpful response to your question because it minimises your concern and shuts down the fuller meaningful conversation about menopause that you're trying to initiate.
Some people prefer not to talk about it. Keep trying until you find a pal or mn board that engages with you properly.
And good luck.

Fwiw I wasn't fine and I found some people just didn't want to hear about it. Made me even more sensitive when people responded like this. I was in pieces.

What does vaginal atrophy mean?

I thought I'd be fine. I was not. I didn't realise for ages. Started HRT and feel miles better

@tothelefttotheleft vaginal atrophy is where the tissue in and around the vaginal and bladder area become thin, dry and weak from lack of oestrogen. This can make sex painful or uncomfortable, cause persistent bladder pain or irritation ( alongside frequent urination) and a whole host other symptoms. It's bur to be ignored and treatment is readily and widely available.

Meant it's NOT to be ignored

It's probably just a throw away remark.

@hrb17 I thought it would be down to attitude.
Not known to be off ill from work,a homebirth with no pain relief.
Apart from dreadful periods I thought I would be fine.I never knew about peri so ignorance was bliss.
It took years to realise all my symptoms were meno related.
Not everything is mind over matter.

@Hbh17

I never had issues with periods, got pregnant first time of trying with three babies, easy deliveries, quick recovery afterwards, no PND.

Have really struggled with menopause. It's all very well saying it's natural, and to accept the changes, and mind over matter, but when you get 3 UTIs within 8 weeks because of vaginal atrophy and you can't sleep because of raging insomnia, a bit of positive thinking and the odd yoga class isn't going to cut it. Female suicide rates are highest in the 45-55 age group. That's proof positive that lots of women find it a very tricky time indeed.

I know that there's increased awareness over menopause but the majority of women don't suffer . Yes there are changes but most women just accept the changes without experiencing the 'horrors' that are often mentioned.

Some women can cope with the sweats, some have dreadful sweats, some just get them a bit.
Don't forget that a flush to someone is likely to be a horrendous temperature fluctuation to someone else.

See how you go and get help if it's affecting your life.

Trouble is @Hbh17 there's a slight ( sorry HUGE) difference between not complaining of minor ailments and suddenly being drained from anxiety and lack of sleep night after night.