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Menopause

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Original poster

Why does the older generation judge you for taking HRT?

106 replies

BonnesVacances · 08/05/2022 14:48

I'm peri and started HRT as soon as I found out. My life is shit enough without struggling through the menopause as well and there are no prizes for being a martyr. I also read about the health benefits of doing so, so it's win win as far as I'm concerned.

But I'm so irritated by DM and MIL's vocal opinions on this.

DM happily keeps telling me the menopause was easy for her and she didn't need HRT. MIL tells me that they all had to just get on with it and we have to stop whingeing.

I wasn't whingeing. I was talking about how interesting Davina's programme was and that I realised I had more symptoms than I thought so probably needed to increase my dose.

But apparently we're supposed to put up with symptoms and feeling shit, and make life difficult for ourselves for some reason. Obviously it's my irritability that makes their attitude so annoying, but so much for support and experience from supposedly wiser older women.

OP posts:
JudgeRindersMinder · 08/05/2022 14:50

And in years gone by surgery was done without anaesthetic so does that mean we should still do that too?

Tania64 · 08/05/2022 14:50

My Mother was exactly the same. Ignore, I took HRT for 4 years & it really helped.

JudgeRindersMinder · 08/05/2022 14:51

Oh and it’s not your irritability that makes their attitude annoying, it’s THEIR ignorance.
I hope the HRT helps you, it’s been amazing for me

WombatChocolate · 08/05/2022 16:09

Many of the older generation are from the time of fear about HRT and cancer risks. It’s not surprising they think it’s dangerous or to be avoided.

My mother is someone who resists any medical intervention. She won’t take statins when she has high blood pressure, doesn’t like vaccinations and isn’t keen to take a paracetamol. To her HRT or things like an epidural are interfering with nature. It’s a fairly common view.

I find that with people with these rigid views, it’s best not to have lengthy discussions and there’s no need to justify your choices. A good answer is quite simply ‘I’ve read up on all the latest research and made a choice for myself that I’m happy with’.

RitaFaircloughsWig · 08/05/2022 16:28

I probably am as old as your mother and MIL and I am an advocate of it.

Spectacles78 · 08/05/2022 16:33

My mum was very much the same! But I think maybe our lifestyles and the different foods etc that we eat compared to them could have an impact on how we now deal with menopause physically. Plus my mum wasn’t juggling children had later in life, working full time and elderly parents with the home!
it’s like comparing apples and pears!

Happityhap · 08/05/2022 16:34

I'm old & never needed HRT but I totally support anyone who finds it useful.
There's a thread on Gransnet just now where a lot of Grans say that HRT really helped them. Older people are not all the same.

Your DM & Mil sound annoying .

Yirk · 08/05/2022 16:37

I am old !!! Most certainly do not judge anybody for using hrt, I've used it myself with brilliant results.
Yours was a generalised ageist statement.

Dimplepie · 08/05/2022 16:38

I've not found that to be my experience of the 'older generation ' at all. My Mum, Mil aunts etc positively encouraged me to request it.

reluctantheiress · 08/05/2022 16:38

Because they're the generation who were told it caused cancer. The studies were flawed. We know that now. But it wasn't apparent when they were weighing up the tricky choices. How about feeling some empathy for the women who missed out? Of course their attitudes are skewed. And o don't blame them for being bitter either - seeing Davina (who by the way I think has done a great job) evangelising something they were told to fear.
And I speak as one of today's lucky recipients of HRT (tho it took a while to find the right one!).

Abra1d1 · 08/05/2022 16:39

My mother is 84 and said hrt made her feel great.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/05/2022 16:39

My mother was/is the same. She never had issues with peri-menopause so of course I shouldn't either. 🙄

She refuses to understand how horrific it was for me prior to HRT, and that it can't be "that bad." This issue, along with many others, is why I rarely ever share anything with her.

FoodBankVol · 08/05/2022 16:40

I would support anyone who found it useful too. They sound annoying.

BlueOverYellow · 08/05/2022 16:41

My mum is 80 and took it and is a big proponent of it.

I went on it as soon as symptoms started up ... no point in struggling when we don't have to.

SpindleInTheWind · 08/05/2022 16:41

I'm ancient and also an advocate.

I'm aware however that a lot of women seem to have what is sometimes called 'internalised misogyny', part of which can be wanting other women to suffer what they did or deny reality.

My mother has no fucking clue what it's like to have lived my life - to have had my health issues, to have worked full time while bringing up children on my own after ExH fucked off with OW, to be struggling for money, to be writing reports at midnight for work, up at 6am, living off £20 a week for food during the lean times, clipping vouchers out of leaflets that came through the letterbox to take to Tesco, keeping up appearances by being suited and booted for work.

Not.A.Clue.

ExMiL is the same.

So frankly my mother and ExMiL's views are of no concern to me because they have no idea at all how I feel or what my life is like. I'll have the HRT, thanks.

I'm working today ffs. (Just taking a MN break!)

BlueOverYellow · 08/05/2022 16:42

(I'd also like to ask those who are older and who DO moan about menopausal women not just getting on with it, if they got their university education for free ... and why are they happy with our kids having to pay for theirs? Turn it back on them.)

Original poster
BonnesVacances · 08/05/2022 16:45

Apologies for generalising about age.

It's more that they see having/needing HRT as a weakness. That I can't cope with being peri and need intervention.

I just don't see the point in struggling. Even just a tiny bit. When there's already enough going on.

OP posts:
shiningstar2 · 08/05/2022 16:49

i am 70, from the generation who were told it increased the risk of Breast Cancer so never tried it myself. Daughter in 40s and I would encourage her to take it if it would alleviate menopausal symptoms. In fact I sometimes wonder if taking it would give me a boost of energy even at my age

brokengoalposts · 08/05/2022 16:51

My mum who is 78 isn't like that at all, my sister explained it all to her when she stated taking it. My mum thinks modern medicine is brilliant.

WombatChocolate · 08/05/2022 16:59

I agree that there can be some kind of misogyny from women towards other women…the ‘We never had X and had to put up with Y, so you younger feeble generation should just get on with it too…you do t know you’re born’

Of course, a generalisation and not suggesting that all older people feel like this or say this kind of thing. But, there can be this kind of view from women to the younger generation about childbirth, child rearing, childcare, menopause….all kinds of things.

However, it is important to also understand why people take these views. Remember how many women today who could have HRT are worried about cancer risks. People 20 years older will have been the generation who were scared off HRT after the iffy preorder which built up the risks. They are now mostly beyond taking it, and no doubt the old evidence is in their minds.

Its like talking about people who are anti-vaxxers. They aren’t all stupid or obstructive and there are various reasons for these attitudes. Understanding the reasons behind them is important.

People do take different views about things like HRT or things like statins and other medical interventions. Many of these have some risks…they might be low, but people weigh the risks and reach different judgements about the danger. That is inevitable and actually everyone has to make their own judgement based on their personal risks and the info available to them. We have to accept that. It’s not always that they are ignorant or wrong and we are right. It’s quite simply sometimes that people can be equally knowledgable and reach different judgements.

Its why it’s best not to get into rows about it or suggest they are simply wrong. If you’re interested in genuine discussion about it, then mentioning new research or signposting them to it so they can read it can be useful. If you don’t want to get into that or don’t feel they’re interested in the facts anyway, simply telling them that YOU have read up on the latest research, spoken to medical professionals and made an informed choice for yourself that you’re happy with, should be enough.

PAFMO · 08/05/2022 17:01

The "older generation" doesn't.
The women you know do.
My mother loved being on HRT and when she was on it, my gran (then in her mid 70s ) said she wished it had been around when she went through the menopause.

Ridiculous generalisation and ageist to boot. Ironic really.

Musmerian · 08/05/2022 17:05

Both my mother and step mother took it. I’ve chosen not to. Horses for courses.

tomatoandherbs · 08/05/2022 17:06

Your thread should be retitled

why does MY Mother and MIL judge me for taking HRT?

tomatoandherbs · 08/05/2022 17:07

Why does @BonnesVacances make sweeping offensive generalisations about the older generation?

would also be a good thread title

Original poster
BonnesVacances · 08/05/2022 17:08

Yes and I have apologised for the ageist title and OP.

FFS! Hmm Do you want a picture of self-flagellation?

OP posts: