Why does the older generation judge you for taking HRT?

[BonnesVacances]

I'm peri and started HRT as soon as I found out. My life is shit enough without struggling through the menopause as well and there are no prizes for being a martyr. I also read about the health benefits of doing so, so it's win win as far as I'm concerned.

But I'm so irritated by DM and MIL's vocal opinions on this.

DM happily keeps telling me the menopause was easy for her and she didn't need HRT. MIL tells me that they all had to just get on with it and we have to stop whingeing.

I wasn't whingeing. I was talking about how interesting Davina's programme was and that I realised I had more symptoms than I thought so probably needed to increase my dose.

But apparently we're supposed to put up with symptoms and feeling shit, and make life difficult for ourselves for some reason. Obviously it's my irritability that makes their attitude so annoying, but so much for support and experience from supposedly wiser older women.

I assumed the OP was talking about women in their 80s when she said the older generation!

No women like me in their 60s! We started HRT in our 50s which was only 5-10 years ago.

I assumed these older women are 30 years older than her, so late 70s or 80+.

The word 'older' sometimes seem to have a special meaning on MN. On many occasions I could swap it out with the words 'relatively young'.

Well that surely depends on how old you are?

Ie “relatively young” to… you!

I don't feel anyone has ever judged me for taking hrt

Because they didn't need it and they know that menopause is normal, and not an illness. Read Libby Purves and India Knight in The Times for some balance.
But if you do take HRT, why do you need to tell everybody? Just keep quiet about it, and problem solved.

India knight and Libby Purves for some balance? You must be joking ! 😂😂

India Knight who stuck by her paedophile partner?
I can't see myself agreeing with one thing she says. Repulsive woman.

No thank you.

The title of this thread is pretty judgemental

India Knight wrote that she had no menopause symptoms at all. So not sure she is well placed to tell other women how to manage their menopause.

Normal? Not an illness? It's not an illness as such but loss of estrogen leads to illnesses in many women. (like osteoporosis.) It's not that long ago that women's life expectancy was 45-50 so they didn't live for 30 years after menopause.

Surely India knight did have symptoms? She certainly writes about all sorts of life issues and has experienced issues with weight. That feels unfeminist to point out but I think she’s in denial?

This is what she wrote..

whenever I mentioned that I didn’t notice the menopause happening, as if I urgently needed to check my menopause privilege and hang my head in shame. But I now feel compelled to speak out — loudly — if only to counterract the idea that this is a calamity that is barely survivable for all women. I genuinely had no idea I was menopausal, and then one day I twigged because I hadn’t had a period for ages. That’s it

Since I cannot possibly be a freak of medical nature, I can only assume my experience is common [no- most women are not like you]— and I think it is the duty of women who emerge from the menopause feeling much as they did before it to say so. This should not be hard, as one positive consequence of the whole thing is surely that you stop minding what people think, and say what you like

Women have experienced the menopause since women existed, and somehow got through it. But now there seems to be a sense that nobody should feel mildly uncomfortable — ever — menopausally or otherwise. As I am at pains to repeat, I do know that some women suffer greatly from menopausal symptoms; I don’t mean them. But tolerance for mild discomfort — physical or emotional — is on the wane in general. There is a difference, for example, between having anxiety and feeling anxious: one is a diagnosis; the other is a temporary feeling, unpleasant but ordinary, and there is no need to medicalise it.

Or perhaps it is simply — and, being postmenopausal, I feel I can say this — a sign of people being tremendously wet

The entire feature is full of contradictions. On the one hand, she says her heart goes out to women with severe symptoms, on the other she says they are minor and women should just get on with it all.

The entire feature is full of contradictions. On the one hand, she says her heart goes out to women with severe symptoms, on the other she says they are minor and women should just get on with it all

She's also saying that women put up and shut up if they have anxiety! Fuck off.
I didn't read her full Times article because it's behind a paywall, but she's had enough of "Menopause Mania" - women actually talking about menopause, sharing experiences getting treatment. It's OK for her to write about it though . Idiot.

1. In a free country I am free to tell whoever I want without fear of judgement or ridicule
2. It was a conversation with my MIL not broadcasting it on National TV.
3. It wasn't about HRT per se but how ill I'd been feeling. The response to which was broadly "you're pathetic, suck it up because we had to".
4. Don't be so fucking rude!

HTH

What do you mean old??? 50 60 70. You've made a big generalisation

I had it I'm 70 - so I suppose I'm old - it was a godsend - it changed my life for the better

Pretty sure I said older generation, but I'm sure someone will correct me if I said old.

If I'm peri, I'm late 40s. So the older generation to me is 70s or 80s. Struggling to imagine someone in their 50s or 60s having a menopausal daughter, but again someone will correct me if I've overgeneralised. Again.

@CockleburIck I found it and it's not behind a pay wall at the moment.

Google India Knight, The Times, menopause and it will be there.

For some women I do think it’s seen as a sign of failure to go on HRT. That you’re weaker somehow for wanting or needing it. I’m in my 60s and have been on It for 9 years and would encourage any woman who is suffering to try it. It’s life-changing and so many people underestimate just how debilitating peri/menopause symptoms can be.

Thanks @LoveinTheFastLane !

Not sure I really want to read any more of her "work" though: it would only infuriate me.

I think it is the duty of women who emerge from the menopause feeling much as they did before it to say so

Really? Why? Why can't they keep it to themselves if they want to, much as you'd like those who have problems to keep it to themselves?
So, announcing that menopause was not a big problem is a woman's duty, while those who aim to highlight problems, seek to destigmatise menopause, and empower women with knowledge and the confidence to seek help should just shut up? Fuck off.

The woman is an idiot with no skill whatsoever as a writer.

India Knight is so grumpy she sounds like she needs some HRT 😂

Given India Knight doesn't want to talk about menopause (much) I've just found another of her articles in The Times where she is promoting face creams aimed at menopausal women.

However, she does say

Strange business the menopause, though if you still have that in store, I am here to tell you that all the horror stories you will have heard for decades are just that, and that most people are fine give or take occasionally feeling too hot

What a fucking idiot.

Yes, we really need more journalists like her writing for the broadsheets.

Thankfully, she did come in for a lot of stick on Twitter after her latest feature.

I don't plan to ever talk to my mother or mother in law about it. Problem solved! I remember lots of friends' mums apparently being on it in the 90s though.

OP: can you repeat what your MIL said about how you should stop complaining? From what OP recounted, it sounds like DM & MIL were sharing her experience not telling OP what OP should do.

I interpret India Knights words to say that menop was no big deal for her. She's paid for having opinions & her opinion is that people need to know what her personal experience was. Where does Knight say that people who want HRT should not have it?