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Menopause

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Why does the older generation judge you for taking HRT?

106 replies

BonnesVacances · 08/05/2022 14:48

I'm peri and started HRT as soon as I found out. My life is shit enough without struggling through the menopause as well and there are no prizes for being a martyr. I also read about the health benefits of doing so, so it's win win as far as I'm concerned.

But I'm so irritated by DM and MIL's vocal opinions on this.

DM happily keeps telling me the menopause was easy for her and she didn't need HRT. MIL tells me that they all had to just get on with it and we have to stop whingeing.

I wasn't whingeing. I was talking about how interesting Davina's programme was and that I realised I had more symptoms than I thought so probably needed to increase my dose.

But apparently we're supposed to put up with symptoms and feeling shit, and make life difficult for ourselves for some reason. Obviously it's my irritability that makes their attitude so annoying, but so much for support and experience from supposedly wiser older women.

OP posts:
CockleburIck · 11/05/2022 09:47

I interpret India Knights words to say that menop was no big deal for her

She's saying that's it's no big deal for anyone! And that menopausal women should shut up about it - unless they're saying how little a deal it was. And there's no need to medicalise everything - in particular menopausal anxiety. Because she's a doctor. Oh wait ...

She did stop short of saying no one should have HRT, but no one on this thread accused her of doing so in any case.

mimbleandlittlemy · 11/05/2022 09:48

SpindleInTheWind · 09/05/2022 16:56

My bloody GP is well into the crap that, 'I expect your mother and grandmothers didn't take HRT and they got through it and were fine in the end'.

No, love, none of them were fine. Osteoporosis, heart disease, mental illness, misery.

Your GP is talking absolute rubbish. My mother took HRT for a while - it didn't agree with her at all and she stopped. This was in the early 1970s. It's a complete utter bollocks awful myth that everyone just got on with it - they didn't, they sought help, for some it worked and some it didn't much as now really.

I haven't had a particularly bad menopause but I know friends who have had absolute debilitating shockers. I don't understand this new form of abuse towards women that seems to deny a woman's personal menopause experience just because someone else didn't have it so bad. It's grim and deeply unhelpful.

ancientgran · 11/05/2022 09:52

HRT has been around for a long time, plenty of older people have used HRT themselves. You aren't really talking about the older generation but a couple of people.

toconclude · 11/05/2022 09:53

Happityhap · 08/05/2022 16:34

I'm old & never needed HRT but I totally support anyone who finds it useful.
There's a thread on Gransnet just now where a lot of Grans say that HRT really helped them. Older people are not all the same.

Your DM & Mil sound annoying .

So very much this. HRT helped my late mum no end, I haven't needed it.
Honestly OP, remarks like "the older generation" when you actually mean a few specific people are likely to piss people off.

ancientgran · 11/05/2022 09:59

Just looked it up and HRT first became available in the UK in 1965, so 57 years ago some UK women were on HRT so I think they'd qualify as "older generation"

From memory there were various issues that reduced use, breast cancer and a bit of bad publicity about how pregnant mares were used to produce it but I can't remember all the details.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 11/05/2022 10:05

My Mum (now in her late 80s) took HRT, so it was definitely available when she was in her 50s and it made a difference.
Unfortunately, when it was 'my turn', my GP completely scared me into not taking it because at that time it was believed that taking it for more than 5 years greatly increased breast cancer risk, and that it was easier not to start than to take it for 5 years and stop.

Neither my Mum nor I would judge anyone for taking HRT, and would support anyone's choice to take it.

I object to threads like this that claim the 'older generation' does x,y, and z'- based in this case on a sample of one mother and one MIL.

so much for support and experience from supposedly wiser older women.
Loads of wiser older women would support you. Shame you have a DM and MIL who are so closed minded. But please don't generalise, that's offensive to me and all supportive, wiser older women.

LoveinTheFastLane · 11/05/2022 10:40

India Knight is paid to write. At first I thought she was playing Devil's advocate with that feature. Clearly not as she has written other articles about her personal no-menopause experience.

I wonder though if she's one of the women who think they got away without symptoms, when in fact in other articles she is talking about her thinning hair, fat middle, and her 'fuck you all' attitude. She might see the latter as a post-meno virtue, but her personal life (with ex's ) is a train crash, so maybe she ought to rein in her fuck-you behaviour a bit and even consider it's hormonal!

I0NA · 11/05/2022 10:43

I avoid getting judged by my mother and MIL by telling them nothing about my private business, which includes my medical care.

I recommend keeping conversion to topics such as the next door neighbours cousins cat.

longtompot · 11/05/2022 11:08

I remember an aunt saying she would never take hrt due to the cancer risk. She is in her 70s and sadly has now has had cancer which was dealt with very quickly.
I was also not keen on taking it, but having had injections which brought on menopause temporarily and am now living with the side affects of that, I am much more keen to take it. Also, reading more about what can happen during and after menopause which hrt can help prevent means it really is a no brainer for me to take it. But everyone needs to decide what is best for them.

Newgirls · 11/05/2022 16:59

LoveinTheFastLane · 11/05/2022 10:40

India Knight is paid to write. At first I thought she was playing Devil's advocate with that feature. Clearly not as she has written other articles about her personal no-menopause experience.

I wonder though if she's one of the women who think they got away without symptoms, when in fact in other articles she is talking about her thinning hair, fat middle, and her 'fuck you all' attitude. She might see the latter as a post-meno virtue, but her personal life (with ex's ) is a train crash, so maybe she ought to rein in her fuck-you behaviour a bit and even consider it's hormonal!

Exactly this! I think she doesn’t know what the symptoms are. It’s not just hot flushes.

however well paid she is this has just brought her a load of criticism - was it really worth it?

Newgirls · 11/05/2022 17:03

OP has had some stick here for saying ‘older generation’ but in many ways she is right. The % of women taking hrt is rising dramatically. About 10 years ago it was about 15% of menopausal women so certainly not the majority of women. Most ‘older’ women didn’t take it.

as women now take it for peri too it will be interesting to see what % take it in the next year or so.

a reminder - hrt products are being developed all the time so the ‘risks’ your mums worried about might not be quite the same for you.

WombatChocolate · 11/05/2022 18:14

I agree that Op made an error in referring to THE older generation, rather than older people SHE knows. Whilst we shouldn’t generalise, the broad question about experiencing criticism for taking HRT still stands, as does the question about factors which influence different people’s views about it. Of course, ones own experience at the age of menopause is a key factor in determining that.

I’ve found that when it comes up (and it hasn’t much…until recently, when more people are talking about it) that there are negative attitudes and a lack of knowledge from older women, but also many of menopausal age too. Younger women often admit to knowing zero about it all.

Quite a few women still focus on the issue of cancer risks, which were built up behind what is now understood and caused a lot of fear in the past. I’ve found older women talk about their own experiences (of course) and those who didn’t take it often emphasise it as natural and something they got through, so why shouldn’t people today too. Those in their 40s and 50s seem quite mixed. Quite a few have seemed reluctant to introduce anything into their bodies and are very into natural birth, minimal medication, natural menopause and are suspicious of interventions. Others say they are part way through but have only recently realised it and the information out there at the moment is a revelation to them, including info about HRT. I’m surprised how many say they’ve gone o to it in the kast year. It’s probably my age which means I know lots of women in this bracket, but I feel like I know those people who have caused the HRT shortages…who have recently become aware of facts and out menioause and HRT and seized the opportunity to have it.

In my experience, women still start their talk about it in a whisper. There’s still that sense it’s a bit secret or unsavoury or something many won’t want to talk about. But if you’re in a group of late 40s/early 50s women or older, once it’s broached cautiously by whoever wants to talk about it, I’ve found women open up and want to talk about it. And if someone is knowledgable and introduces interesting facts, some then go away and read up on it a bit.

And Ive certainly found that some people of all ages see HRT as a nice to have, but not comparable to other medications or menioause symptoms equal to other medical conditions people might have.

Its interesting because it’s getting lots of press, people are talking more and attitudes are changing, but like all things, it’s slow and actually there’s still stigma attached to being a ‘woman of a certain age undergoing the change’ and taking HRT is part of the mystery.

I guess for men, it’s something they know they’ll never experience and for women under 40, for the vast majority, it’s something they just aren’t that interested in thinking about or knowing about at the present time. For all of those people it’s something either in the future or ‘for others’ and is akin to thinking about some of the issues of old age we might not want to think about too much - incontinence, falls, dementia etc. People know it’s there, but until they are in it or it’s directly relevant to them, don’t want to think about what’s seen as unpleasant and regrettable.

BonnesVacances · 11/05/2022 20:31

lljkk · 11/05/2022 09:40

OP: can you repeat what your MIL said about how you should stop complaining? From what OP recounted, it sounds like DM & MIL were sharing her experience not telling OP what OP should do.

I interpret India Knights words to say that menop was no big deal for her. She's paid for having opinions & her opinion is that people need to know what her personal experience was. Where does Knight say that people who want HRT should not have it?

MIL: How are you feeling this week?
Me: Same but a bit down as I watched Davina's programme on the menopause and have realised that all the symptoms I'd put down to post Covid are probably menopausal so are here to stay. I'll probably have to increase the HRT dose.
MIL: Oh FGS! In our day we just had to get on with it! What a lot of fuss!
Me: Actually the programme said there are health benefits to going on HRT asap because it reduces the risks of developing other problems later in life like osteoporosis and dementia.
MIL:

DM: How are you feeling this week?
Me: Very irritable and ready to kill someone. Maybe I need to increase my HRT. Lol!
DM: I didn't get irritated or need anything like that. It's just part of getting old.
Me:

OP posts:
BonnesVacances · 11/05/2022 20:32

Honestly OP, remarks like "the older generation" when you actually mean a few specific people are likely to piss people off.

Like people being pissed off when people comment without RTFT? I guess that makes us equal.

OP posts:
Purpleavocado · 11/05/2022 20:44

I love my HRT, and couldn't give a monkey's about what my MIL thinks.
I think you'd feel better if you just ignore them and change the subject if it comes up again. You love it, so why give any more energy about what they think?

lljkk · 11/05/2022 22:05

Are they generally unsympathetic about other things you find challenging or solutions you want to try out?

Ponderingwindow · 11/05/2022 22:32

I’m at the perimenopause stage and I can’t help but be skeptical. The pill was touted as this great, low risk dose of hormones as well that could practically be handed out like candy, but for many women like me it was an absolute nightmare. I can’t help but feel that the current push for HRT is another round of glossing over the potential side-effects because women don’t matter.

RitaFaircloughsWig · 12/05/2022 00:11

Ponderingwindow · 11/05/2022 22:32

I’m at the perimenopause stage and I can’t help but be skeptical. The pill was touted as this great, low risk dose of hormones as well that could practically be handed out like candy, but for many women like me it was an absolute nightmare. I can’t help but feel that the current push for HRT is another round of glossing over the potential side-effects because women don’t matter.

Now that is just silly.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 12/05/2022 00:32

BonnesVacances · 11/05/2022 20:32

Honestly OP, remarks like "the older generation" when you actually mean a few specific people are likely to piss people off.

Like people being pissed off when people comment without RTFT? I guess that makes us equal.

Well you've ignored a few posts too to be fair OP

80sMum · 12/05/2022 01:31

I think all women should routinely be offered HRT when they are at perimenopause, providing of course that there are no specific medical reasons why it wouldn't be appropriate for them.

Aside from alleviating the more obvious symptoms of menopause, HRT is now known to be protective against cardiovascular disease, osteoporosis and dementia.

I'm 64 and only started HRT about 6 months ago, some 14 years after menopause. Much of the benefits now no longer apply to me, sadly. But nonetheless I decided that I wanted to try it and I'm hoping it might yet benefit my bones and prevent further deterioration (I already have osteoporosis and don't want it to get any worse).

I would encourage every woman in her mid to late 40s to discuss HRT with her GP and start taking it at the first sign of changes in the menstrual cycle that indicate perimenopause.

I wish I could turn back the clock to 2008 and start HRT when I was 50!

Meh2020 · 12/05/2022 01:40

I think these might be the sort of people who judge an epidural during labour, and a c section as an easy way out…

Newgirls · 12/05/2022 08:56

WombatChocolate · 11/05/2022 18:14

I agree that Op made an error in referring to THE older generation, rather than older people SHE knows. Whilst we shouldn’t generalise, the broad question about experiencing criticism for taking HRT still stands, as does the question about factors which influence different people’s views about it. Of course, ones own experience at the age of menopause is a key factor in determining that.

I’ve found that when it comes up (and it hasn’t much…until recently, when more people are talking about it) that there are negative attitudes and a lack of knowledge from older women, but also many of menopausal age too. Younger women often admit to knowing zero about it all.

Quite a few women still focus on the issue of cancer risks, which were built up behind what is now understood and caused a lot of fear in the past. I’ve found older women talk about their own experiences (of course) and those who didn’t take it often emphasise it as natural and something they got through, so why shouldn’t people today too. Those in their 40s and 50s seem quite mixed. Quite a few have seemed reluctant to introduce anything into their bodies and are very into natural birth, minimal medication, natural menopause and are suspicious of interventions. Others say they are part way through but have only recently realised it and the information out there at the moment is a revelation to them, including info about HRT. I’m surprised how many say they’ve gone o to it in the kast year. It’s probably my age which means I know lots of women in this bracket, but I feel like I know those people who have caused the HRT shortages…who have recently become aware of facts and out menioause and HRT and seized the opportunity to have it.

In my experience, women still start their talk about it in a whisper. There’s still that sense it’s a bit secret or unsavoury or something many won’t want to talk about. But if you’re in a group of late 40s/early 50s women or older, once it’s broached cautiously by whoever wants to talk about it, I’ve found women open up and want to talk about it. And if someone is knowledgable and introduces interesting facts, some then go away and read up on it a bit.

And Ive certainly found that some people of all ages see HRT as a nice to have, but not comparable to other medications or menioause symptoms equal to other medical conditions people might have.

Its interesting because it’s getting lots of press, people are talking more and attitudes are changing, but like all things, it’s slow and actually there’s still stigma attached to being a ‘woman of a certain age undergoing the change’ and taking HRT is part of the mystery.

I guess for men, it’s something they know they’ll never experience and for women under 40, for the vast majority, it’s something they just aren’t that interested in thinking about or knowing about at the present time. For all of those people it’s something either in the future or ‘for others’ and is akin to thinking about some of the issues of old age we might not want to think about too much - incontinence, falls, dementia etc. People know it’s there, but until they are in it or it’s directly relevant to them, don’t want to think about what’s seen as unpleasant and regrettable.

I think that sums it up perfectly

Newgirls · 12/05/2022 08:58

80sMum · 12/05/2022 01:31

I think all women should routinely be offered HRT when they are at perimenopause, providing of course that there are no specific medical reasons why it wouldn't be appropriate for them.

Aside from alleviating the more obvious symptoms of menopause, HRT is now known to be protective against cardiovascular disease, osteoporosis and dementia.

I'm 64 and only started HRT about 6 months ago, some 14 years after menopause. Much of the benefits now no longer apply to me, sadly. But nonetheless I decided that I wanted to try it and I'm hoping it might yet benefit my bones and prevent further deterioration (I already have osteoporosis and don't want it to get any worse).

I would encourage every woman in her mid to late 40s to discuss HRT with her GP and start taking it at the first sign of changes in the menstrual cycle that indicate perimenopause.

I wish I could turn back the clock to 2008 and start HRT when I was 50!

Exactly. Hormone treatments are offered for osteo so surely it would be wise to use it as a preventative for those with family history at the very least. We have a long way to go

MintyCedricRidesAgain · 12/05/2022 09:05

My mum's 83 and had HRT patches back in the 80s.

I've just started with a Mirena and Lenzetto and she's fascinated by the different options but otherwise not even that interested.

That said I've had similar 'chip on shoulder' situations with other older women about subjects such as maternity leave and child tax credit 🙄.

I wonder if some of the 'oh I was fine' attitude is a combination of lack of awareness at the time, memory now and possibly it clashing with other things.

My mum segued into menopause following 2 bereavements in a year and minor breakdown.

I spent 3 years caring for dad, half of them end of life care during the pandemic, and it was only after he passed away this time last year that I began to realise/acknowledge that a lot of my symptoms were hormonal rather than purely down to stress.

Elevated stress levels can tip the scales towards triggering menopause so I imagine a lot of people write it off initially.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 12/05/2022 09:09

My DM (long gone now and died at 97) was on HRT for decades, and thanked heaven for it, so I don’t think you should tar us all with the same brush.

OTOH I more or less sailed through the menopause and felt no need of it, but I fully understand those who do.

Presumably you’re just unlucky with your lot.

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