Menopause and work

[fruckkkit]

I'm in peri - it's affecting my sleep, my moods (PMT lasting weeks instead of days), my ability to concentrate or rationalise some (a lot of) days, and I do a job that is quite demanding and requires me to be calm, polite and unfailingly helpful.

There are several days a month where tbh I no longer feel capable of actually doing my job now - and today is one of them! I slept like shit last night, I have bad period pains, I can't think straight to get some complex spreadsheet stuff finished, I have emails and queries coming out of my ears, and right now I just want to tell everyone to fuck off and go and cry in bed whilst mainlining the box of cream slices I have in the fridge.

My line manager is great, but I can't imagine he wants to hear about my 'lady problems', he's pretty old school and I think he would be mortified. Plus how does he deal with me saying 'ya know about half the month now I'm probably going to be a bit shit at my job, sorrrreeeeee'?!

How do you actually go about a conversation at work about these kinds of issues? I feel like it's just expected we buck up and get on with it - our office has a lot of women in it but other than a bit of general moaning about hot flushes I've never ever heard anyone talk about the menopause seriously or recognise the impact it can have when you're trying to do your job (and failing in my case!)

I feel your pain. I'm in the same situation. I did talk to my (older, male) boss and he was very understanding but it doesn't help day to day. I can't just cry menopause every time I drop the ball. I work for a large organisation with a menopause policy, so I'm just hoping there'll be some understanding if I really fuck something up. But yeah... I want it all to fuck off so I can stay in bed. I'm there now, with a box of cookies.

Not much help, sorry, but I empathise.

I came on here to post exactly the same, I am completely overwhelmed today and am sat here in tears with so many urgent tasks and emails to get done, I don't even know where to start. The insomnia is crippling and I seem to be constantly nauseous, not to mention the irritability and sometimes plain rage.

No useful advice, just empathy with you both.

I totally get you.
I work in a small special school and the kids are frankly fucking me right off! Sounds awful I know, but I can’t tolerate their emotional immaturity ( that’s why they are there!)

Seriously this menopause fucks with the body and brain like no other!

No clue what the answer is. I just suck up each day and breathe when I get home.

I feel the same. But like I can't say anything as women of childbearing age are already discriminated against for their biology. I don't want the same to happen to women past their childbearing years. But my work is definitely affected by the insomnia and fatigue.

I'm just the same, except I don't have insomnia (yet) but my renowned ability to remember all sorts of dates, facts, figures has vanished. I can't remember shit basically! This has been unhelpfully pointed out to me in jest by a colleague in a recent team meeting. How I didn't rip his throat out on the spot I'll never know.

Can only offer solidarity OP and PP.

Same here. My sleep is shit, I'm constantly tired, grumpy, forgetful and unable to concentrate..I work in mental health and I am finding it increasingly difficult to have the patience necessary to do my job. My Mum keeps asking me to speak to my GP about HRT, but at 45, I still feel too young for that!

I was vile and mad during the menopause. I had to take hrt or I would have been fired.

HRT anyone? You don't have to suffer. And 45 isn't too young despite what you may have heard.

@Level75

HRT anyone? You don't have to suffer. And 45 isn't too young despite what you may have heard.

Exactly this.

You need to address the issue, and HRT was a game-changer for me.

In terms of a conversation in work, I know that it should be possible but it's hard. My LM is a friend & a woman and I still could only hint at it, rather than go into any specifics.

But also, even if I did, I would not have been ok with saying I couldn't do some elements of my work, I just somehow got through it (not saying that's necessarily correct).

But yes, HRT

HRT is all good and well if the damm stuff works for you. Or you can find the optimum dose etc.

I’ve been trying for almost three years and haven’t succeeded yet!

I’ve had breast cancer and the GP doesn’t want to know me or my menopause. So I’ve had to go private and still not there yet .

Another appointment next week and time off work for doing so.

I’m going to be fired before long!

Another one here who could have written the OPS post..
I'm permanently exhausted, can't sleep properly, short fused and how there isn't a body under the patio I don't know 😉
Diagnosed with chronic migraine ..was told its common in women my age..yeah, thanks for that! Getting older is shit!

I hear you OP, same here, technical job and just can't do it, or if I can it takes three times as long. My usually kindly manager who is post menopausal herself just said 'get HRT'. As if I haven't been trying!

HRT and citalopram has changed my life (I had pre-existing anxiety but peri tipped it into unmanageable)

I chose acupuncture instead of hrt. £50-£60 a session. Sorted so many things out and made my brain fog significantly better.

Same here. I'm 51, high pressure job in the City (with all men), barely sleep, have even less patience/tolerance than usual but the worst thing is the brain fog. I literally can't remember what I did 2 mins ago. The only reason I didn't floss my teeth twice this morning was because I saw the used floss and realised I'd already flossed my teeth a whole one minute previously. Duh! How the hell I'm hanging on at work, I do not know.

Been trying to get HRT but I'm high risk for breast cancer so my GP won't support it. Saw a private menopause GP who had some suggestions that were discussed with the breast cancer clinic I'm under. Conclusion was I need to talk to a menopause specialist and breast cancer oncologist before deciding if I should accept the risk or not. My bloody GP won't refer me to Chelsea & Westminster menopause clinic - I have not given up but I have Covid right now and there are only so many battles I can fight at once. To be seen privately (by the consultant I've been recommended) is almost £400 per appt and I just can't afford that, especially when my case is not straightforward so it'll be multiple appts. Apparently there's also a 12 month waiting list for private appts. God knows how bad the NHS is. I'm expecting menopause to be over by the time I get someone to see me at this rate.

Same here OP. I've been struggling for a few years now. I'm 49 and I've now been prescribed HRT - just waiting for my period to arrive to start taking it. I completed an e consult to request HRT and stated on there that I felt sometimes that I would need to give up my job (of almost 30 years) because I feel so bloody dreadful.

A few years ago, at my 1-2-1 at work I did tell my (male) team leader I was struggling with perimeno symptoms. At that time (2015) I was under 45, blood tests came back ok and HRT wasn't recommended for women with a family history of breast cancer. Now, I work for a large local council authority, so it was definitely easier for me to do this, I realise that. He couldn't do much else but note it on my review to be fair and offer 'support' if I needed it. However, I thought it was worth it just in case I had some sort of peri meno brainfart. Plus, the 'I don't give a fuck' feelings had kicked in .

My employer now has a Menopause at Work Policy so I will absolutely be telling them I have started HRT (when I do very shortly).

@HundredMilesAnHour

That sounds so tough 💐

HRT isn't an option for me due to a horrible history of breast cancer in my family. I do plan to try acupuncture though. I used it for fertility and although it didn't help me get pregnant I did find it helpful in balancing hormones and emotions.

I’m the same despite being on HRT and citalopram...not sure how much longer I can work full time in a complex role. My memory is shot to pieces. I had early menopause at 42 and it’s been hellish...no easy answers I fear 😞

I feel the same. Just can't seem to cope. Juggling too many balls. Am on HRT and still trying to adjust dose, but it's just not working for me atm.

I could have written your post OP (except I have a lovely female manager but I still don't know how I could broach the subject with her). Yesterday I cried before work, cried in the toilet when I got to work and cried on my lunch break.
My forgetfulness is making work really difficult. I literally can't remember what I'm doing from one minute to the next, what work projects I'd planned to start, who I was going to talk to and what about.... I think I'm going to need to take a notepad with me everywhere I go and write everything down.
I've got a one to one with my boss today and I've been wondering if I should raise it with her.
Oh and I'm trying to get hrt. Getting mirena fitted next week and desperately hoping that helps rather than makes things worse.

I also think returning to the office has made things harder. I've been working at home for ages. My perimenopausal madness has been bad for a while but I think it was easier to hide at home. I could literally go and have a lie down in a dark room when it all got too much!

HRT was revolutionary for me - I started 42. Felt better within 3 days. Magic!!!

I think it’s great that so many organisations are recognising the impact of menopause and bringing in policies and guidance to support women in the workplace (while recognising it’s not necessarily something a woman might want to speak to their direct line manager about). It’s early days but since Channel 4 and Co Op introduced their policies, other organisations are doing the same. I believe the civil service also has policies. Do you have an HR department you can take a suggestion to?

If your boss is generally supportive though definitely mention it. It’s a medical condition and reasonable adjustments should be made x