Menopause and work

[fruckkkit]

I'm in peri - it's affecting my sleep, my moods (PMT lasting weeks instead of days), my ability to concentrate or rationalise some (a lot of) days, and I do a job that is quite demanding and requires me to be calm, polite and unfailingly helpful.

There are several days a month where tbh I no longer feel capable of actually doing my job now - and today is one of them! I slept like shit last night, I have bad period pains, I can't think straight to get some complex spreadsheet stuff finished, I have emails and queries coming out of my ears, and right now I just want to tell everyone to fuck off and go and cry in bed whilst mainlining the box of cream slices I have in the fridge.

My line manager is great, but I can't imagine he wants to hear about my 'lady problems', he's pretty old school and I think he would be mortified. Plus how does he deal with me saying 'ya know about half the month now I'm probably going to be a bit shit at my job, sorrrreeeeee'?!

How do you actually go about a conversation at work about these kinds of issues? I feel like it's just expected we buck up and get on with it - our office has a lot of women in it but other than a bit of general moaning about hot flushes I've never ever heard anyone talk about the menopause seriously or recognise the impact it can have when you're trying to do your job (and failing in my case!)

Yes I also take HRT. But obviously your GP will confirm whether it's suitable for your particular situation.

I feel you, OP. For me the sleeplessness and anxiety are a shock. For most of my life I've been lucky in both my ability to get a good night's sleep and a fairly optimistic and relaxed outlook - controbuting to good mental health.

For the last couple of years, I have at least 2 nights a week where I am getting

@FatsoGatso those are exactly the kind of thoughts that plague me in the middle of the night too. I'm so anxious all the time. It doesn't take much to set me off worrying about my parents dying, about something bad happening to DD, about getting old and ill, about anything and everything really. It's hard to imagine not worrying about this stuff anymore....

got a final written Warning for a serious mistake I made at work. I blame it entirely on being peri, apparently if I’d told them I was struggling it wouldn’t have been so bad, I’m distraught. In my meeting I’ve actually said I don’t know if I can continue in my role as although on Hrt my memory is shot.

@ilovebrie8 ah conti, I was on them for a bit but they gave me period pain and irritability.

I wonder if you need a higher dose of HRT? I think I do.

How do you get on with the anti d?

@pinkcattydude sorry you had a rough time at work. This isn’t fair at all. Is there a menopause policy in place?

I desperately need to be earning more money but don’t see how, while I’m like this, barely being able to string a sentence together!

@Runaround50 no but I will be bringing it up at every opportunity now everyone knows what’s going on. May as well make the most of being ‘outed’ and try and improve the situation for those that follow.

@Runaround50 the conti is not enough for me as I’ve too many symptoms.
I’m on a low dose of the ad’s they take the edge off as in I’m not in tears every day. Am also stressing about work as I’m in same boat as others I can’t remember anything and need to write everything down...I used to have a photographic memory ...😞I’m not the same person anymore

Trying to get a GP appointment is like winning the lottery at the moment but definitely worth starting the conversation about this as soon as you can. Good luck.

Tomatoes??!

Do not think that HRT will solve it. For many it does, but I am now on my 4th try of different combinations and I still have constant anxiety and palpitations. The trouble is that I am sensitive to progesterone. The only answer is a hysterectomy. But while I wait, I am on antidepressants- started last week. I am still no better but I hope they will kick in soon.

I could have written your post OP. And like others, I wake up at night terrified of ridiculous problems that seem insurmountable at the time. I have tried meditation; I have tried quitting alcohol and reducing caffeine: I exercise like an Olympian - and still, I feel like shit!

If I find a cure I will update you !

@Aphrodite31

Swimming. Body scrub. Walking. Sunshine. Tomatoes. Olive oil. Playing the piano. And going easy on yourself.

The brain fog is a bit of a bugger, though. Just catch the thoughts when you can.

Oh behave 🙄

Pinkcattydude I'm sorry to hear this.Im amazed I haven't had to have any meetings myself.my memory is shot so I have to make list.
Me no and a fast paced environment isn't the one.

This is such a good thread. I feel this too. I work at a fairly good employer with a sound menopause policy which was spearheaded by my boss, so couldn't ask for more - but I'm not sure what support to ask for. I know they will talk to me about reasonable adjustments but seriously what are they?

The practical advice (and acknowledging the limitations of workplace support) on this thread has been brilliant.

Also so I can acknowledge that it's not just me being a useless lump, even though I'm only 43 the symptoms are here

@NeverRTFT - I'm only 44 and I'm on HRT now. Peri Menopause symptoms can go on for many years - mine started at 39

@NeverRTFT - just wanted to quickly add to the below a I'm worrying that I sounded snippy - promise I'm not being, just hear a lot of women being fobbed off as under 45 and it's a massive myth that peri menopause before then is at all unusual

@missfliss it's all good, didn't think it was snippy, just being helpful!
Out of interest which symptoms does the HRT help with?
I was told by a GP that it's only good for vaginal dryness (which I don't have) and that it doesn't combat the mood / anxiety issues. She thought I'd need antidepressants.
She had never heard of brain fog and she seemed to think I was a bit woo 😖
Sometimes the fog is so bad it's like there's something in my mouth and I can barely talk. I know it's not just me.

I'm also sensitive to progesterone btw. contraceptive pill had very negative impact on my mood and I get migraines. Not sure if that rules out HRT

Your GP Is sadly misinformed - and unfortunately pretty much everything she said is incorrect.

Look at menopause doctor ( Louise newsons) site for good free information - there's a lot there. She is a GP by the way so not an unregulated or alternative practitioner.

There are many different types of HRT and depending on whether you still have periods, still have a womb and need contraception are all important for your prescriber to consider.

I have been prescribed body identical oestrogen in gel form, and a body identical progesterone in pill form. Body identical means it has the exact same molecular composition as your own hormones and so is recognised and metabolized well. Often the progesterone in contraception is much more potent and not body identical.

So far for me it has stopped or reduced.

• panic attacks
• palpitations
• night sweats
• insominia
• night seeing
• weird anxiety - I've taken sertraline for years but this was different
• dry broken nails
• brain fog
• fatigue

Hope this helps - sadly GPS often have no idea - some are great - it's pot luck

Did the OP come back?

I’ve struggled a few years now and I’m also going through a menopause divorce which makes everything harder (especially when he won’t give me a break from the kids and my parents are RIP). I ended my career because of menopause symptoms. I worked nights so many times a month (NHS) and just couldn’t function and felt jet lagged all the time.
My marriage issues had been there for years (sexless marriage - my doing as I wasn’t attracted to him and lack of emotional connection) but they got blown out of proportion when I hit the menopause. My periods suddenly stopped one month and then - bam - a few months later was like a crazy person.
I’m now in a high pressurised managerial role in the NHS and it isn’t my profession by training so I find it tough going through the menopause and doing it. The hours/flexibility are good though compared to my previous role. I am looking after the kids all he time though and getting no support - physical or financial - from their dad.
My symptoms have settled a lot (4 years since my last period at 45) but I am getting very anxious now and I have never been like this.
My niece has just been diagnosed with ovarian cancer after taking HRT for years (she went through the menopause in her 20’s). My mother had precancerous breast cells in her 70’s and had to have a full mastectomy. She died of bowel cancer in her 80’s. Hence, why I haven’t gone on HRT.
Yup, I am struggling. My new boss is unaware of my menopause or divorce. I ended my marriage and woke up in that area.
It’s tough when I have a million emails to sort each day and constant staff issues to deal with so I am worried I will crack, especially as I’m providing for the kids alone now.

Sorry you’ve had to go through all of that Cosmic.
You sound like you’re handling it amazingly in the circumstances.

@CosmicUnicorn - your post has really been playing on my mind.
You have a very tough situation and I can empathise especially with the pressure to keep earning - I'm not a single parent so not anything like as tough - but my salary is a lot bigger than my husbands ( retrained in his late 40s) and we have a child with SEND so the pressure on me to keep the salary coming in to pay the bills is huge.

I would honestly recommend talking to a professional about your treatment options.
I do not want to talk out of turn here but HRT has changed a lot and recent studies show only a very small increased cancer risk. They also show a big improvement in heart health which affects even more women ( the biggest killer of women in this country is actually heart disease).

I can only speak from personal experience and we have breast cancer in my family ( my mum, grandmother and cousin) - I've been BRCA screened and thankfully do not have those genes. I've taken all my risk factors into account and taken advice from the Newson clinic ( plenty of others are available) as so many GPS give the wrong advice.

I started HRT three weeks ago ( gel and progesterone capsules) - it has been amazing already. So much more energy and brain working as it should again - I actually feel like I can hold down a pressured job now AND enjoy life.

Maybe HRT is or isn't for you - but don't discount it until someone has properly looked at your personal risk factors so you can decide - unless your GP is amazing I personally would go private - it's a couple of hundred quid well spent IMHO