Menopause rage - how to manage it without HRT

[MaMelon]

Has anyone managed to get on top of the feelings of utter rage without HRT (I can’t take it)? If so, what did you do? I’m absolutely losing the plot - I could literally kill

@Lessthanaballpark

OP I feel a lot angrier than before.

But perhaps we’re feeling the right amount of anger. What if people really are that annoying and the oestrogen was blinding us to the truth by making us all overly patient and empathetic?

There's nothing liberating about being a total bitch, as I was before HRT

I completely get the rage with insignificant things - gone from a really laid back people pleaser to a grumpy shouty blubbing mess in the course of a few months. Gaining 1 stone just because hasn't helped. Currently desperately trying dietary changes and upping exercise as getting into my GP is impossible. I have to admit that I feel so much better and calmer after a run, hate it during! Considering going to a private menopause clinic. Would that be a possibility for you?

I don't buy the "Oestrogen makes us all blind to the obvious" discussion when the addition of it in HRT stops all the other annoying peri symptoms as well

Thanks so much everyone for taking the time to post, I can’t tell you how genuinely grateful I am for all the suggestions (each one carefully noted and will be looked into/followed up) and for the support, advice, sympathy and empathy. It’s so reassuring to know I’m not losing my mind and that I’m not alone in this madness - although I know this means you’re going through or have gone through similar, so for that you have my support and sympathy in return.

DH and I had a lovely walk through the woods this evening to pick some sloe berries I’d seen on an earlier walk. We saw some bats and heard owls hooting as we walked back home in the dusk - it was very peaceful, just what was needed. We had a good long chat about everything and I told him about this thread and all the suggestions. He’s also been doing some reading so although we both know things won’t change overnight at least we’re aware of everything that’s at play - and if all else fails I’ll just get mouldy drunk and cry into my sloe gin

I've been having day dreams about living on my own with a little dog. Not in the middle of nowhere though, but away from all my nearest and dearest who are the main source of my rage

I found intermittent fasting has really helped me. It helped with the weight too and gave me myself back. Also yoga and meditation apps, books on philosophy, history. Time to yourself, thin on the ground I know. Walking in nature. Lots of walking.

Me too Jump, although I'm having a cat. Move 90 miles away, never come back. Leave everything and leave everyone to it. I know exactly where I want to go. Op your walk sounds lovely. Sometimes I can hear owls hooting when I'm in bed. Wrapped up in bed listening to the owls is my favourite place to be. The one good thing about living here

We have some owls at the woods at the back of us too - some lovely tawny owls and some screechy barn owls that don’t sound quite so Disneyesque!

You’ve gotten lots of suggestions and that’s only page1.
If it’s not been suggested, simplify your life as much as possible.
Retirement, lone hobbies and interests. Only short visits with others and explain clearly to the men in your life why your pissed off. Honesty about misogyny helps.

This is the odd thing. I have a road behind my house, and a cul de sac in front. Not many trees. No idea where the owls are

Same & I also can’t take HRT. Really empathise with everything you’ve mentioned. There are some great suggestions on here. I wish I could suggest something also great but I have got zip. Agree exercise is good & am trying to do more of it. Also weed. But that isn’t really embraced on MN . But a small amount can really help shift my thoughts slightly in the evening to something more relaxing/positive.

The urge to get in my car, drive to the north of Scotland, find a little remote place, get a dog, live off bread and cheese and not tell anyone where I was is becoming harder to fight by the day.

OMG yes 1000%

I've found Sertraline helps with The Rage, plus cutting down on alcohol and sugar (when I can find some motivation).

Totally agree with the points about having had enough of chores and looking after people

@MaMelon

I'm not trying to persuade you to go down the HRT route but the advice your GP gave you is not the same as menopause consultants. So, just so you know all the facts here are a few more.

1 Family history is when 2 first degree relatives have BC before the age of 40-45. (That's a mother and your sisters.)

2 Women's lifetime risks of BC is 1 in 8. This means your aunts could have had BC for any number of reasons.

3 only 5% of BC is down to inheritance/family history.

4 Women using estrogen-only HRT have less BC than women not using any HRT.

5 Utrogestan (micronised progesterone) has been shown to be safe for at least 5 years with no more cases of BC compared to women not using HRT.

Specialists now believe that the connection between HRT and BC is that in some women, HRT accelerates the growth of an existing cancer (that would appear anyway in time) but does not cause cells to become cancerous.

HRT Risks

Current opinion is that HRT taken for less than 5 years does not significantly increase the risk of breast cancer but studies have shown that after 5 years of use, there is an association with a small increased risk. Once HRT has been stopped, the risk returns back to baseline. This suggests that the use of HRT may promote the growth of breast cancer cells which are already present if HRT is taken for more than 5 years after the age of 50, in some women; there is no evidence that HRT causes breast cancer.

It seems very likely that different types of HRT are associated with different risk, estrogen alone does not appear to increase the risk while there appears to be a small increased risk of cancer promotion with long term use of estrogen combined with progestogen (combined HRT).

It's absolutely down to you and your choice, but your GP isn't correct to say you can't take it. Ultimately, it's your choice knowing all the facts.

All the best with whatever you decide!

@MaMelon Going back to your earlier posts I note you have also seen 2 consultants. So, if they agree you can't have it, fair enough. However, one thing they may not have said - I don't know- is that women not using HRT will get cysts and polyps. They are both very common before the menopause.

It wasn’t just my GP and it wasn’t just BC - but thanks anyway

I get this. After years of suffering with bad PMT and undiagnosed under active thyroid I finally get menopause rages.

I try to keep this under wraps and live alone but sometimes it comes out.

I definitely do not want to go into back and forth HRT.

I’ve been taking Sage tablets, extra evening primrose oil but am also investing in anger management counselling as I don’t want to blow up and damage family relationships or my one with my partner.

Just joining this thread as it's made a lot of things click for me.

@mowly77

Same & I also can’t take HRT. Really empathise with everything you’ve mentioned. There are some great suggestions on here. I wish I could suggest something also great but I have got zip. Agree exercise is good & am trying to do more of it. Also weed. But that isn’t really embraced on MN . But a small amount can really help shift my thoughts slightly in the evening to something more relaxing/positive.

I second the weed.

A little of what you fancy does you good.