Menopause rage - how to manage it without HRT

[MaMelon]

Has anyone managed to get on top of the feelings of utter rage without HRT (I can’t take it)? If so, what did you do? I’m absolutely losing the plot - I could literally kill

Im feeling this thread on quite a visceral level.

never mind women being unhappy due to a lack of rights, financial dependence, domestic violence, lack of agency over family planning, systemic discrimination and restrictions purely based upon gender roles ascribed to their sex

I have this, I have plenty to be angry about, but no way of changing any of the multiple bad situations I'm in. It's like you've been drugged up with oestrogen and when it drops away, you can't tolerate things you've put up with for years, and in my case, a hefty bit of self loathing is added to the rage because some of these situations are my fault, or have been unintended consequences of something that's my fault. Sometimes I've been so angry, I've wanted to hit myself (and I have. Stopped that after actually injuring myself though)

I don't know what the answer is. I've had good results with CBD, but some days(like today) it's just too much for it to handle. But then again, with the pressure of living life hating who I have to be, or have become, maybe this is to be expected.

I do appreciate all the posts, I really do, but I really don’t want to get drawn into a feminist argument about gender roles here. I do not want to experience this rage - whether it’s feeling frustrated with something minor someone in my family has said, or the stupid arbitrary 20mph that our Council has introduced on part of my commute, or with the SNP, or the magpies squawking in the garden or any other random thing that narks me to the extent it does. It’s not a state of being I enjoy so if there’s some change I can make - medication, dietary, exercise, supplements, whatever - I choose to change that because I want to, not because a poster on MN has incorrectly assumed that no-one has supported me when they have. I still feel absolute rage.

Thanks to everyone who has suggested practical ways

Practical ways of dealing with those unwanted feelings.

I never had 'menopause rage' and cannot imagine it. I didn't know it was a thing.

Yes, it’s a thing. Was there a particular reason why you posted if you have never experienced it, didn’t know it was a thing, and therefore haven’t managed it using an alternative to HRT?

I found that taking Rhodiola helped enormously OP. Daily yoga also definitely took the edge off.

Just empathising... I was FURIOUS about something that was mildly irritating a few weeks ago while I was chopping vegetables and managed to slice a very thin slice off end of my finger.. lots of blood, nothing too dramatic. The kids now say, keep away from the knives Mummy!

I get it, I really do. The Chinese would suggest foods to lower something ... many of my friends find cold water swimming helps (I know it's all woke and trendy but we live near a lake and there is all else to do!). Do get out, scream, dance, sing, hug a tree, move your body and work the energy out.

Oh that looks interesting @Sisisimone - I’ve never heard of it but just did a quick search and it’s getting good reviews. Which brand/s did you use?

@ChateauMargaux

Just empathising... I was FURIOUS about something that was mildly irritating a few weeks ago while I was chopping vegetables and managed to slice a very thin slice off end of my finger.. lots of blood, nothing too dramatic. The kids now say, keep away from the knives Mummy!

I get it, I really do. The Chinese would suggest foods to lower something ... many of my friends find cold water swimming helps (I know it's all woke and trendy but we live near a lake and there is all else to do!). Do get out, scream, dance, sing, hug a tree, move your body and work the energy out.

That’s exactly it - things that should be mildly irritating (like the random 20 limit or the magpies) become fury-inducing! It’s horrible - I was never that person. Used to get annoyed with things to a greater or lesser degree like everyone, but this blind rage is horrible and completely inappropriate.

Read Christiane Northrop on menopausal rage. We are often suppressing our own needs through our childbearing years and as the production of estrogen transfers from the ovaries to the adrenal glands some people feel this as a release of built up anger

I havent had children but understand the feeling of supressing your needs. Im 48 and very anxious shaky and crying. Ive been reliving a seminal event in my life which happened in the mid 2000s
over and over in my head. All the memories came flooding back at once and it is really overwhelming.

@MaMelon

Oh that looks interesting *@Sisisimone* - I’ve never heard of it but just did a quick search and it’s getting good reviews. Which brand/s did you use?

I use HealthAid Rhodiola 500mg. I forgot to take it for a few days and could really tell the difference, it does work, for me anyway. I'm on HRT patches now which do help with the rage (I know exactly how you feel btw) but if you can't have HRT would definitely recommend the Rhodiola.

I'm afraid I'm going to say exercise. Sorry A pp said weight training - I've never tried that but loads of people swear by it. The exercise that worked for me was running and decent hot yoga. With the running, it helped most once I was able to run for longer than an hour. I would also put myself thru pain on the treadmill doing hard intervals.

Decent hot yoga had a transformative effect on me during the worst of peri. Yoga comes in all shapes and sizes, and there are loads of annoying classes i wouldn't go near. But the good classes would buy me 72 hours of calm control after.

Finally, and this may not work for everyone, I used hypnosis recordings to great effect. Good luck.

I went through peri over 10 years ago my, my early 30s and it was the worst bit in many ways with so many violent mood swings. The symptoms morph and change so you may find the anger isn't around forever.

And yes yes to north of Scotland. I lie on my bed and imagine green-blue lochs, mountains, sheep and solitude.

www.amazon.co.uk/RHODIOLA-Capsules-1000mg-PIPING-ROCK/dp/B06VWPPBCV/ref=mp_s_a_1_5?hvlocphy=1006867&hvnetw=g&keywords=rhodiola&hvadid=259082682145&qid=1630255794&dchild=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw4KyJBhAbEiwAaAQbE0AWjVQ8req3YF1EbRZ6Zxlg1Mu8chNBmkd_XcWHm75tI3uh4pWO2hoCnOIQAvD_BwE&hydadcr=7433_1714377&hvdev=m&hvqmt=e&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=kwd-30491261&adgrpid=52749544545&hvrand=6712871571208842031&sr=8-5

Those recommending Rhodiola does the above look ok. I too can’t have HRT for a few reasons. I’ve been taking Starpowa supplements but I am wondering whether to try these with the hope of them helping me to be less fired up all of the time. If they haloed hot flushes that would be amazing too 🤦‍♀️

Im in peri at 48 Periods are usually every 3 weeks and were for a while, , sometimes 4 sometimes 5 but am still having them. Not ragey but i am snappy if people want something. Im more crying and shaking and depressed. I posted about this elsewhere and someone told me it sounds like peri.

The benefit I find with swimming is that along with exercise it forces you to focus on on your breathing (if doing crawl) so I think it works a bit like yoga or meditation. And you don't get hot. I do sometimes get the rage though with those that don't follow lane discipline

I do get the feminist arguments made and I think there is definitely something in that but it can be exhausting and depressing so practical tips are needed at times. It doesn't mean I don't hear you when you talk about the oestrogen fog we are leaving behind. I do.

I’ve had breast cancer so assumed I couldn’t take HRT. After a few too many rages I was referred to a menopause clinic. I now on HRT! It’s saved my marriage and my job. I take bio identical Oestrogel as a run on gel, up to four pumps every day and 2 Utogesteron (sp) tablets for the first 12 days of the month.

I found that acupuncture helped get me to the stage where I could go to the Gp and advocate for myself. It was too expensive as a long term measure and although effective it wasn’t a good as the HRT. I also cut right back on caffeine. One cup
Of tea a day and no coffee. I try and be asleep before 11pm too.

Boxing. Not joking. It's fantastic exercise and slugging it out on a heavy bag really helps with the rage. I am now on HRT but had the rage for a few years in peri before I connected the dots. (I thought menopause was all hot flushes and periods ending and that was it). Exercise in general helps (I do weights, too, which hits the spot) and high intensity rowing or cycling or running might be something to try. Swimming might work in a more meditative sort of way (doesn't for me because I just get the rage with the people chatting and blocking my way in the pool).

Op I started with this take about 4 years ago, out of the blue I went from being mild mannered to a raging, unreasonable, emotional wreck, it was all. Had bloods taken and told was I was peri. Was put on the mini pill, cerazette, and have felt fine since then. Don't know if this is an option for you with it also being hormones? I don't ever intend to stop taking this unless it ceases to help/and or other reason.

Of I can help the feminist cause...

I was so ducking mad that I came across as a nutter. I almost lost my job, that would be my financial independence gone. Now on HRT I have been able to work on the issues that caused me the rage. I can do exercise, I can study to get better qualifications but the top trumps is that I’ve calmed down enough to link with other women in a supportive environment.

This is probably not a useful suggestion OP so do feel free to shoot me down in flames. I’m interested in this thread for the obvious reason. I’ve found yoga helpful but I suspect I’m not really in the thick of it yet.

Anyway, my unhelpful suggestion:
Is there any chance you could ask your employer for a leave of absence? Rent that cottage. Tell DH to cope with the kids. Go and get that mental space. Whether it’s a week or a month … could it be a possibility?

PS. I know it will all still be here to come back to and it won’t change anything. But sometimes we just need that time out anyway. Try taking it and see?

Ashwangahnda is good

HRT is amazing though, I'd try a private menopause clinic for advice

OP I feel a lot angrier than before.

But perhaps we’re feeling the right amount of anger. What if people really are that annoying and the oestrogen was blinding us to the truth by making us all overly patient and empathetic?

@SimonedeBeauvoirscat

This is probably not a useful suggestion OP so do feel free to shoot me down in flames. I’m interested in this thread for the obvious reason. I’ve found yoga helpful but I suspect I’m not really in the thick of it yet.

Anyway, my unhelpful suggestion:
Is there any chance you could ask your employer for a leave of absence? Rent that cottage. Tell DH to cope with the kids. Go and get that mental space. Whether it’s a week or a month … could it be a possibility?

Sadly not at the moment - NHS and things are a bit busy - but I’m meeting with a financial advisor this week as I do want to have a think about alternatives to f/t working