Constant crying/ dark thoughts

[TwoHoots74]

A bit of background. I'm 46, have a mirena coil fitted so no idea when I am pre menstrual.

For the last year or so about a week before I would have a period I would start crying for no reason and struggled to get myself to stop.

I've had a shit few months in that I separated from my partner and sold our home, my brother passed away unexpectedly and I got made redundant in a week. I've not grieved for my brother for to me having to be the strong one for my family.

This weekend was my pmt time I think. Crying for no reason, then I start thinking about my life. I've gone from a beautiful home into a rented property, I literally have nobody that cares about me. My family are crap and don't give two hoots about me. They also live 400 miles away. I've no job and the job I do means I'm not allowed to work anyway. My son has been at his dads for 3 days. I started to think dark thoughts on Friday that if I wasn't here. Who would actually care. I thought how easy it would be to hang myself. The only thing that stopped me was it would be my son who found me. I can't do that to him.

Everyone thinks I've got my shit together and I haven't. In just good at putting on a front. I'm lonely. So so lonely.

I know it's partly the start of the "change". But I just don't know what to do. I've no motivation to do anything. I'm eating rubbish junk food and putting on weight. I just need help.

I’m so sorry that you are feeling like this. Please make an appointment to speak to your GP and tell them this. Do you have a friend that you can trust and tell them how you are feeling? I hope you can get the support you need

I feel I can't tell anyone openup. I've become so good at putting on a brave face. I'm
Scared what will happen if I tell my gp I'm
Suicidal.

Just providing a hand hold and to say you're not alone! So many people feel like this. Your son cares and would not want to lose you. Please hang on and speak to someone.

If you are really worried you might do something please at least call The Samaritans - the number is 116 123.

I need help. I know I do. I'm too scared to ask. Scared of what the outcome will be. Maybe it's just easier for everyone of I wasn't here. I doubt I'd be missed

You will be missed, more than you will know.

Please phone the Samaritans tonight, . They are kind people who will listen to you x

You are loved and you would be missed. Of course you would be missed. Your son would miss you terribly.

Please, please ask for some help OP. Phone the Samaritans tonight, could you pick up the phone and call them now?

This could be hormone related but obviously you've had a really shit run recently, the grief and pain is normal and will fade. Suicide is a permanent end to a temporary problem. Things will get better for you, but only if you're here for things to get better.

@TwoHoots74

I feel I can't tell anyone openup. I've become so good at putting on a brave face. I'm Scared what will happen if I tell my gp I'm Suicidal.

There's nothing to be afraid of in telling your GP that you feel suicidal. Please make an appointment and get help. They truly will help you

Feeling suicidal just means you want the pain to stop. That's ok. You are grieving. This is part of the process. Can you get some counseling as it will help to have someone to witness your pain and loss and will help you feel seen and heard

Here with a hand hold OP. I don't really know what to say, but you're not alone. Please be brave and ask for help.

More people than you know feel exactly the same as you do. We're all in this together. You've been through some difficult times of course you feel sad. Big hugs and lots of love.

Please please see your GP as soon as possible. I’ve had similar circumstances to you & it was a terrible period of time. I went to my doctor & it was the start of things getting better. It’s what they are there for. I burst into tears when my doctor asked me what was wrong and I poured everything out. It can get better. There is no shame in having mental health issues.

TwoHoots74 I hope you are ok today.

It can be hard to make ourselves vulnerable but please call your GP today, this is what they are there for. Please reach out to a friend too, the one you think is the kindest and most likely to be supportive.

How old is your ds?

My ds is almost 15.

Just feel so sad. I have no one. People might be sad but life moves on and I'd soon be forgotten. I've nothing no offer.

Please don't do anything to hurt yourself. Your son needs you, you may not realise it but he really does. I am going through the menopause and the despair I felt was overwhelming, but I spoke to my GP and was prescribed HRT and it's changed my life.
There is help out there but you need to make that first step . Please speak to someone and start a new chapter of looking after yourself xxxx

Menopause moods on their own can feel really bleak, on top of that you’ve had a really tough run of events, it’s no wonder you feel down

Please contact your GP - you can get something to help. HRT has been amazing for me. Other medication could also help you out of this land to find your way through: anti- depressants helped my OH out of a really difficult time when he was having similar thoughts. Ring tomorrow and get yourself an appointment. Your son needs you,
You can come through this.

It's sad that you are feeling like that, always remember that life is beautiful and we all go through hard times at some point in life. Think about your son and how much he loves and values you, no one can be a mother to him but you.
This is a good time for you to find your self, do something for yourself, do something you enjoy. Or try something you have always wanted to
You have the power to change your mindset.

Talk to a professional there are still some good people that actually care about others well being

Sorry for what you're feeling, you are certainly having a bad time. I dont have much advice but I had the mirena coil before ttc and after a few days of having it removed, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, my mood improved, far less anxious. I was honestly amazed about how much better I felt. Maybe look it to having it removed. Definitely talk to your gp though.

Second HRT, if you have mirena already, you just need oestrogen part. Don’t let dr fob you off. Hrt has been amazing for me. The peri/menopause almost sent me over the edge.

This was one of symptoms I had in perimenopause, it got stronger each month but I was lucky enough to recognise it for hormonal changes. I went to the GP for HRT and it It has massively changed my mood swings and freed me from many other horrible symptoms.

You have likely got the same hormone dips but with additional big life events so it is really not surprising you are feeling so low. Be kind to yourself, seek out some medical help and if you have no-one close to talk to in RL there are plenty of women on here who have been where you are and will listen and understand.

OP this has been a hard year for many people but this time will pass. You matter and you have a unique contribution to make to this world. Hang in there and ask for help, there’s no shame in it at all. Please reach out to someone

Hello TwoHoots74, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way right now.

We hope you don't mind, but when any of our users are struggling we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We encourage you to seek real life help but take comfort from our kind and supportive users in the meantime.

We hope things look a lot brighter for you soon
[flowers[

It sounds like you've been through a tough time that would make anyone cry. I'd suggest it isnt necessaily hormonal - you're just shattered. I hope you can find a way to heal and rest. X

Thankyou for all your kind words. Still not feeling great. But not as bad. I did have a small bleed today so hoping I'll start to feel better. I'm definitely going to call my gp. I can't go on like this.

The feeling of worthlessness and despair is just awful. My life is shit, my family don't care, my friends are equally as bad and the one person I truly want (we briefly dated) doesn't even want me. I'm literally on my own.

A lot of us are and its shite. It takes a lot of strength to get through the day. Humans are absurdly tough. We aren't done yet.

OMG, I felt like you this time last year and it turned out to be my Mirena coil. I had it taken out and felt better within about a week.

I had a terrible year last year, my dad died, a friend's child died and I thought it was all that had happened to me making me feel terrible. Really flat, tearful, depressed, overwhelmed. Someone mentioned to me at Xmas that they'd felt the same with the Mirena and it all fell into place - I'd been feeling crap for the same time I'd had the coil in (about 3 months at that point). Please Google it and see if it rings any bells.