Secret Garden

[BriansMum]

Hope this works, a shiny new thread girls - come on in .

And loving the fb photos of beach Leo.

Seriously on the why post here threads- why does anyone post about whether they should go to dr or hospital (thread on here about toddler with a split lip)... By time you have posted could prob have been seen by a dr.

I don't get that either Gaston. When DS fell down the stairs it would not have occurred to me to post on MN. If I'm worried about whether DS needs to see a doctor in an emergency I'll either go to A&E or phone NHS Direct!

Lol! I love some of the posts on MN - "Please help, I feel like I need a wee, should I go to the loo?" Alot of it is just attention seeking twattery!

As for the Doppler, I'm with Leo. We never got one cos I know I would have been beside myself if I couldn't find the hb. It often used to take my MW quite a while to find it so god knows how I would fare!

Lol at the loo thread.
Agree stitching as always took some finding - dh of course has bought one but he can use it on himself

Give it to E to play with!

Good idea.. Which reminds me am I only one with a bottle (as in baby bottle)user? Only for milk and only at night/ in morning first thing (dh again ...)

Have decided to have bottle fairy take bottles and leave a present but has anyone any experience when gave up? Am not too worried re her drinking enough as doesnt use it in day but its comfort thing but guess will get used to it

Gaston - great news, how many weeks are you?

Re London, they are happy to walk, thought about the science museum and Natural History

13 and a bit.
Was thinking of those. Also a river walk. Can start at Waterloo past the globe and across tower bridge to tower of London . Then if have an oyster can catch river bus back up Thames . Also I like the city - lots of old fashioned area and interesting architecture but no not everyones thing. Also got the mall/buckingham palace (even as a republican and into Hyde park or walk the other way back to parliament/Whitehall and the cenotaph).

If boys are Interested in history there is imperial war museum too- recreations of war time life etc great there(not all guns and tanks).

I would second Imperial War Museum, also Science Museum and Trafalgar Square. Love the South Bank, and what about The Globe or is that a bit too old for them? Amazing building.

Btw, meant to ask you how the supply work was going? I expect you missed that I parted company with my school in dramatic fashion in May and am now unemployed. Am planning to try supply in September but am surprisingly nervous about it .

We were ruthless about getting rid of bottles [mean parent emoticon] so can't help there. They both drink plenty but no milk - but then I can't stand the stuff myself so don't do much to encourage it .

Hello, sorry a bit behind.

Hi Deb! Yes it was me texting. Don't worry though, I will be fine at MIL's without you to run to for an escape! Have a good holiday.

Gaston - sorry you had a scare this morning. Glad you heard hb. Put your feet up girl. No Doppler here either. I come from the school of thought that thinks most pregnancy and baby gear is all an enormous rip off.

Bottles - no not using them. He doesn't really have bedtime milk. Since he went dry at night I have been keen to avoid filling his bladder last thing. The current battle is to get him drinking from a cup without a lid. Yesterday I resorted to buying some special big boy cups from a pound shop that caught his eye. It sort of worked but we did have an associated tantrum about drinks this evening. Mostly DS1 gets a bit jealous of what DS2 has, so sippy cups become a bit of a flash point.

Have you tried straws mudwiggle? That seems to improve the cup drinking no end.

Thanks for ruthlessness on bottles - think will visit Disney store for some bribing tat then the fairy will visit (just got to think if pre or post cmping holiday in 3 or so weeks)

Sorry laguerta - can't follow thread

No bottles here - another ruthless mother! We got rid a few days after his 1st birthday. DS doesn't drink enough though without being prompted (which we're not always very good at doing). We use those little plastic tumblers mostly (from Ikea) - milk in morning and water or diluted apple juice throughout the day/with meals.

On London - if you had a couple of child-free days in London (yep, that's me and DH next weekend ) where would you go? Have evenings sorted out, but no plans for the afternoons as yet (and am desperately hoping for good weather). Despite both having lived there there's nothing especially jumping to my mind!

If I had a couple of child-free days with dh where would I go?

Bed !

Thank you for you get well vibes. They worked and thankfully the rest of the house seems fine too. Even planning to leave the house tomorrow, woo hoo!

Gaston - bloomin' awful present! TAKE IT EASY. (Too stressful for us you know ). No doppler experience here either.

Stitching - I love your MIL, she's like a comedy character from a bad sitcom.

Deb - TT sounds like it's going brilliantly.

Leo - If the little boy was a friend then a present would be nice (not necessary, but nice), otherwise I don't think a present is needed. I certainly wouldn't expect one if I was the boys Mum.

Gaston - We dropped the night-time bottle about this time last year. Did it in the usual haphazard way I do things, which is to change something but act like nothing has changed IYSWIM. So I just put the milk in a non spill cup and acted like we always did that, luckily DS1 played along and we do the same even now. Maybe a character non spill cup would soften the blow? La Guerta makes a good point about night time dryness though, will remember that for the future (I'm still excited enough when we have a dry day ATM).

Leo - Do I need to rave about the South Bank again? Good weather...wander along the South Bank from Waterloo to London Bridge. I'd also recommend Spitalfields market too.

LOL at stitching's 'bed'. Have you seen the episode of Outnumbered where the Mum and Dad sneak home for the afternoon and sneak up to bed, both with exactly the same thing on their minds....sleep!

Exciting News - booking flights home this week! Booking them this week I mean, not flying home this week...

Booking this week? Yay...

Lol at outnumbered episode- usually would be with stitching but since pregnant it's all
About sleep - poor dh

Character cup a good plan- she is very into rapunzel (and cars although the jury is out if she will like her first cinema trip to see new cars film on thursday )so could try that.

Am sat here in bed as being good and sloped off from work early...

Ok am I being over sensitive here but 1 how far do your dc have "friends" as opposed to kids they know/play alongside 2. How much do you arrange stuff with these friends rather than those who you know with kids same age.
I don't know If e a tad young but she does talk of certain kids in nursery so am keen to arrange play dates etc within reason ESP during holidays. However am at whim of nanny and nanny arranges play dates with kids of nannies she knows. There are about 5 kids she sees this way of which maybe 2 I have heard e talk about like nursery kids. Rest are incidental (some of which are quite a bit younger or older - 2 are about 15 months which is fine in as far as e needs to learn about different ages but not much interactive playing).

Aibu to say needs to focus more (with my help to arrange if necessary) on the nursery kids (some of whom may well be school mates for next few years)rather than the randoms who happen to have nice nannies. To date I have given nanny free range on arranging stuff so don't want to seem heavy handed as I am not really worried that there is anything wrong happening. Just that maybe socialising focussed more on encouraging friendship with kids of her age and ESP those likely to be in school with her.

Wwyd? Came up as e saw some nursery friends when out today but couldn't/didn't really play as one of the kids she knows via nanny network was glued to her side. I know I am sensitive about her making friends as I always felt awkward being the only kid with a single working mum(so am projecting) and also cos not being there , i can't see or judge what is usual.

Hi Gaston - DS has two what I would call 'real' friends. One is DS of someone I get on well with the mum and toddler circuit and another is at nursery. He plays reasonably happy with the DC of other children from the mum and toddler circuit, but tbh because I'm only off one day a week it's been a fairly small select group for a while that we've seen every week almost for the last couple of years. Similar age children of other friends that we only see occasionally aren't much of a hit (although the older ones are worshipped).

I don't necessarily see anything wrong with what the nanny is doing - they're still so young anyway and I suppose it's not any different from me arranging things with adults I enjoy spending time with (although I appreciate that she's being paid to do a job rather than suiting herself). However, if E is at nursery with children she's likely to go to school with then I would definitely try and encourage some play dates with them. Is her nursery term time only? I don't arrange play dates with DS's friends from nursery because I'm not overly keen on the mothers , they see each other every week and it's very unlikely that they'd end up in the same school (so many kids at DS's nursery are likely to go to private school or live in very expensive catchment areas!). Also, I can't put my finger on why, but I think that these particular mothers are all the type to actively encourage their girls to play with girls in the future rather than boys IYKWIM?

I know what you mean about worrying about socialising - I was a shy wee thing when I was at school, youngest in class etc so really struggled at school with making friends.

Mudwiggle, thanks for the South Bank suggestion - it is a favoured spot of DH and I as it was the scene of a romantic moment back in the early days. Haven't been to Spitalfields market before so that's another possibility. Any other suggestions . I want to do some 'lovely London' rather than 'tourist London' but it's been so long since I lived there I've forgotten all my favourite places (and some of them may not appeal to my grown up self in the way that they appealed to my 20-something wild thing self)

Thanks Leo- yes it's pre school so term time only. Am not mad about a couple of mothers for similar reasons to you (and admit I also arrange my play dates with friends with similar age kids so am fine one to criticise nanny). I guess don't have to be ott - just encourage or arrange a few things.

What kind of lovely London do you want? Sights/ food etc?

@ Leo!

Gaston, I don't think DS1 has any friends that I haven't chosen for him! He spends most of his time with my NCT group and has 2 favourites there - but is that cos we spend time with their mums and dads more than the others? He gets on well with LG's DS1 who he sees a fair amount of and that's about it.

He starts Pre school in September and I suppose I will have to make more of an effort, but I'll be completely honest, I'm not looking forward to spending time with mums/kids whom I don't necessarily like .

I reckon that for as long as you can get away with your child socialising with the children of Mums that you like, then you should do that rather than subject yourself to your child's taste in children and their parents. DS1 calls any child under 10 his "friend" anyway. Children he actually knows he calls his "best friend". He has lots of best friends

Yeah, sights, experiences really. In a way that South Bank is lovely (for all the reasons Mudwiggle has mentioned once or twice ). We're staying in Hoxton - thinking I should check in with some friends who are Hackney councillors to see what they'd recommend round there i.e. shoreditch etc. Although, shoreditch is a bit painful for me - not so good memories that I'll not go into.

If it's wet what about vinopolis? A bit of fun combined with a good meal before or after would be nice.

WWYD ladies: a friend who I have mentioned before wanted to talk about her DD today. DD is 3.7 and Pre school have raised concerns about her not socialising normally. They are thinking of monitoring her and possibly calling a paediatrician in to observe. She plays in isolation and apparently the teacher thinks that this lack of social interaction is even affecting her physical development (?). Mum does not see any problem and thinks DD all normal. TBH I was not very surprised by what the preschool have said. Since I first met this child at 18 months I have always found her a bit odd. It's difficult to put my finger on what exactly. I have certainly noticed that my DS plays by himself rather than with her when they meet, unlike than when other friends come round. We talked about what the underlying concern may be of the teacher (ASD?? stitching?), and I pointed out that social skills are like all development milestones and they occur at different points in different children. She is probably just a late developer in this respect. I then felt that having had a bit of a heavy conversation I should reassure so I said that I think DD is completely normal. I feel bad about this as it was disingenuous of me. I couldn't think how to say to my friend: your kid is a bit odd IMO in a way that would be constructive or supportive. Gah...I am so rubbish at telling fibs. Any thoughts on what I should have done, or should say if it comes up again? Also Stitching and Deb in your professional capacity is the preschool jumping the gun or do you think this is a valid time to be raising concerns. Thanks xxx

That is so tricky LG . I would say first that the pre-school is definitely not jumping the gun. It is not unheard of for children with ASD (if that is what they're suspecting) to be diagnosed before they reach YR, and in fact, if the diagnosis is correct then it is very helpful for the school/teachers to be aware of it and make any necessary adjustments in terms of visual timetables, routines, warnings of change, etc.

In terms of what you should have said, it's so hard when you're put on the spot like that. I've actually been through exactly this scenario last Autumn when one of my friends kids was diagnosed. He was 3.5 at the time. I knew he was going to get a diagnosis, I could see it very clearly, but that is because I have seen it so many times before. His mum on the other hand thought they were completely wrong and our other friend was adamant they must have got it wrong too even though she has no experience of autism whatsoever . If asked directly I tend to try and flannel it, e.g. "I'm not really sure what they're looking for tbh", "I don't have enough experience of pre-schoolers to know", "can you talk to them about their concerns?". I obviously can't get away with the first two cos they know I do, but I have always been straight with my friends and asked them not to put me in that position. I have a friend who's son I have concerns over at the moment but I haven't said a word as it's such a difficult situation .

Anyway, I'm waffling and I wouldn't beat yourself up about it because it is so so hard not to want to reassure your friend when beneath you're concerned too. But in future I would try to be a politican and just not answer the question IYSWIM .

Oh, what a horrible situation to be in LG. Obviously I don't have any professional experience but I have faced a couple of similar dilemmas. One was a very good friend of mine who had a daughter a similar age to my DN. Geography means I don't see the friend very often but I recall thinking how odd it was that they seemed very different developmentally from a young age (around 3 I think). This was way before DS was on the scene so I didn't really like to say anything. Thankfully, it was picked up on soon after and after several years of investigations my friend's DD got a diagnosis. I can't remember the name of it, but some kind of chromosomal syndrome. I have a similar concern just now about someone on the mum and toddler circuit who is lovely but her son's behaviour is very much out of tune with his peers. Not much interaction (with other children or adults) but he doesn't even acknowledge you when you speak to him (as I discovered recently). It's like he's in a world of his own. I was wondering if it could be something simple like his hearing. However, the parents are GPs and never ever bring up any concerns about him so it's hard to say anything.

With your friend, I bet I would react in the same way that you did. However, maybe you could broach the subject again in the future and ask how it's going? Maybe say something like it's probably worth checking out just to be on the safe side etc if only just for reassurance that everything is ok? My friend's experience of battling for a correct diagnosis makes me think that a parent in denial could really harm the chances of tackling any potential problems. She had to fight so hard, it was heartbreaking. It was only once she got a correct diagnosis that she could really understand develop effective strategies for her DD's behaviour which helps ensure that she has a happy childhood and they whole family have a positive family environment.

Thanks for all London town suggestions - am really looking forward to a weekend away!