Secret Garden

[BriansMum]

Hope this works, a shiny new thread girls - come on in .

Yes, agree Leo re: parent in denial. It's very common and very hard to deal with .

Mudwiggle, forgot to ask you what you'd be home?!

Urrghhhh, DS just settled. I think he's playing up because DH was away for 3 nights at beginning of week with work and he knows we're both away this weekend. Refusing to go to bed, usual reward/punishments completely failing. Me: you know you'll get a sticker on your reward chart if you go to bed. DS: I don't like stickers. Me: It's not nice to shout at mummy. DS: I don't want to be nice. Me: Big boys go to bed when mummy says. DS: I don't want to be a big boy. I want to be a baby. Babies allowed to cry and whine. And on and on.

Am completely shattered, have loads to do around the house before my parents come to stay on Friday night and have a big night out with work tomorrow (which I can't skip out on because it's a close colleague in my team). Am likely to be slightly worse for wear on Friday.

Sorry, very self-indulgent and moany.

How's everyone else this evening? Gaston, how are you doing now?

Thanks for your thoughts. Very helpful. My friend has a lot of other things on her plate to cope with, and she is generally someone who finds life quite difficult anyway. She is the one who had the baby at 28 weeks this time last year (baby is fine BTW), and a friend of hers is expected to die any day. I felt that she didn't need anymore to worry over right now, but I wish I hadn't said what I did as I don't think she was convinced. After the conversation we took the kids to a cafe for lunch and she was fine, so I don't think she was bothered with me. The other oddity in the situation that I didn't type out last night because I was on the ipad and I was knackered is that after the teacher broached it with her about 3/4 weeks ago, the teacher then came back to her last week and said that actually my friend should ignore what had been said and all was fine. Surely if there is an issue that you as a teacher have observed, and been concerned enough to talk to the parent about then it doesn't just go away? My friend is generally all of a muddle about whether to keep her DD at the preschool at all. Enough of this blithering. Will stop now. Next time I will try to be more political in my answers . My trouble has always been that I am just too blunt.

Leo - sorry x post. Hope you get a good sleep tonight. They can be buggers cant they? What you wrote could well come from the mouth of DS1 too.

Oh Leo, that does sound hard . I find myself having the most ridiculous arguments with DS1 and then thinking "why the &%* am I arguging with a toddler, this is crazy"!!!! They are just the most frustrating little creatures at times .

LG, your friend's teacher was v unprofessional to do that IMO. Hearing concerns from a preschool/school about SEN must be unbelievably hard for a parent (I know, I've had to do it enough times ) so to then retract it is bizarre .

Has her DD been seen by any medical professionals at this stage?

No she's not seen anyone professional. As I say the parents don't see any problem, and indeed she could just be an eccentric child who is naturally not that sociable. As my GP neighbour said to me having witnessed a DS1 stand off about getting in the car, "there's a wide range of normal".

So, today's tricky conversation is with a uni friend who has got back together with an ex since I last saw her. The guy is a screwed up former monk from a dysfunctional family. Possibly the poshest bloke I have ever met which isn't necessarily bad, but how many 27 year old men wear red trousers?? The bit that concerns me is that when I met him I thought he was quite bullying and misogynistic even though my friend is 8 years his senior and the first person he has ever kissed. He also wants to get her divorced marriage annulled for their relationship to have any future. Trouble is my friend knows that I have my concerns and she hasn't yet told me herself that they are back together. I am going to have to make supportive noises aren't I? or maybe is the best response.

at 'wide range of normal'! I taught a boy in my first school who was clearly on the spectrum but his mum would not entertain the idea of getting a diagnosis and would not have any conversations about it either. It was fine through his primary years as I think primary schools can make a lot of allowances for children with SEN because they are generally quite small schools and have one or two teachers per year. At secondary it's a very different matter and I know this lad has had a really difficult time in Y9/10 . Some parents don't want their kids labelled - and years ago they wouldn't have been, they would just have been seen as the 'odd' kid. Have things improved? Yes and no.

As for your next dilemma - what a tricky one! I have a friend who I met when pg with DS2 (so haven't known her long) who is married to a really bullying unpleasant man. Never liked him. Anyway, at Christmas she told me that he had been hitting her pretty much since her son was born and that she'd kicked him out but he was getting counselling and she was hoping to make a go of it. In March she found out he was also having an affair and this time started divorce proceedings. I was very supportive and agreed with her that she was doing the right thing, said he was an arse, etc, etc.

Yes, you've guessed it. They're back together . I saw him at their house the other day and it was excrutiating.

Don't know what point I'm trying to make there, only that often the truth can come back to bite you! Maybe now's the time to practise those politician responses .

It was fine. Just back from Alice Holt and pub lunch with said friend. She told me she was back with her ex, and almost immediately said she didn't think he was right for her to be with long term, have kids with etc. He had been having counselling and seems better in some ways, but has also clammed up emotionally whereas before he was v emotional and suffocating with his needs. My friend is of the view that for a light relationship he is ok, but she can't decide whether she wants more from a relationship. I know that really she is desperate to find someone to have kids with so I suspect that in time she will come to the conclusion that it has no long term prospects. it's a tough one as out of our circle of friends she was first to marry, divorced after 5 years meanwhile everyone else settled down and now has kids. So... If any of you know any single emotionally balanced men in SW London please pass them over here

just a question london girls do you know what age children need oyster cards? the website is v confusing. s is 11 and t is 9

Deb think over 10 you pay unless photcrd oyster which can preorder - link.when are you going?

Also at teacher retracting comment. Can think how awful it is to hear (and can see why people can be in denial) but even with my woeful knowledge isn't an earlier diagnosis the best.

Glad your lunch went ok laguerta- I don't think I would say something. Will have a think about nice sensible single men (can think of one or two).
also as you say stitching can come back to bite you but that's awful re your friend (there is nothing more depressing than a trawl through relationships here).

Am all good Leo- had additional precaution scan (pre booked) which confirmed that as far as can see all normal and repeat issue with kidneys unlikely and that no reason for bleeding/ it's common . So am starting to (very hesitantly) get excited.

Hope you have a fab weekend .

Hi mudwiggle

Thanks Gaston: when she is next single I will come back to you on this one perhaps if I am feeling especially brave and pushy.

More importantly that's really good news about the scan, and lovely that you are able to feel a teeny bit excited. I feel a teeny bit excited too.

I know what you mean about how crap it is of other friend's teacher to retract the comment. I wonder whether because mum made noises about taking her child away from the preschool that made them jittery. It doesn't quite stack up in some way or another.

Aw, great you're getting excited Gaston - you so deserve a chance to enjoy this pg, I hope you're able to now x

LG, I wonder whether the teacher really did say that or whether your friend is developing very selective hearing?

Quite possibly Stitching.

Quiet on here. Had bit more bleeding but got dr appt monday(and dh did home Doppler ).stitching I know you had this with a- did you ever work out if anything set it off?

Being told not to lift/take It easy all well and good but not madly practical .

Hi Gaston, sorry to hear you've had more bleeding . Never worked out what set it off I'm afraid, my IVF consultant said I was just one of those unlucky people for whom it was part of pg. She described it as "an incredibly vascular process" and in some women that translates into bleeding.

Regular scans were the only thing that kept me sane .

Thanks for that- think will be same here (my gut feeling is baby ok). Trouble is you read so much nonsense when I worry myself on google stupidly none of which applies in all circumstances given I know you and others who have put up with this.

How was everyones weekend? Judging from fb Leo had fun. Oh and pandoras box is open... E got a cheap barbie style doll a a party yesterday. She now knows what and wants a barbie (thanks dh- my bet is it won't be you trying to stop dc2 ,all being well, eating barbie shoes).

Gaston - I bled with DS1 too. Horrid and scary, but not necessarily as bad as your imagination!

DS1 first day at kindy today and came home with what looks like the beginnings of a black eye. DH picked him up but was told all was good . I'm pretty sure DS1 probably tried to push an older child and got more than he bargained for, but it was hard enough leaving him let alone him coming back to me battered!

No other real news here. Actually I lie, I am back in my pre pregnancy jeans. They are the pre children jeans in fact. Yes, they used to be my fat jeans back then but I don't care. Only 2&1/2 stone to go (grimace).

Sorry to hear about the black eye mudwiggle , hope it's a one off.

Well done on the jeans - you star! How did you do it?

I'm seriously depressed about my weight (really seriously depressed tbh ). You know I lost two stone with LL in Feb/March time, but I've put nearly a stone of that back on and now can't fit in to the nicer clothes I was buying but threw all my old ones out . I'm desperate. DS2 is going to be 2 in October and I'm almost the same size I was when I gave birth which is just awful .

Sorry, feeling a bit sorry for myself today as took a nasty tumble and am in pain. Will slope off now . . .

(Btw, mudwiggle, I still have the GSR 2012 in mind, but you might have to do a sponsored bed-push so I don't have to run it !).

Hi. I should be doing more productive stuff as we are off to PILs in the morning. Been running around like a crazy person all day packing and cleaning for a last minute viewing.

Sorry about the ongoing bleeding Gaston, how was drs today?

Well done on the jeans mudwiggle.

I was super grumpy all weekend. I would say poor DH but he deserved it for being so dopey whilst I was cleaning up for a viewing.

So, we have had various low offers in the last week that we have refused and are in limbo a bit to see if a couple that viewed today will make an offer. I won't go into the details but we have buyers and the agents talking the market down meanwhile I have been told by two neighbours that we shouldn't have dropped the price and we are devalueing the street.

I did make it to Teddington for a meal at a French place to celebrate a birthday on Saturday. Yesterday we had my family's bi-annual get together for all my aunts and cousins. So a bit of socialising and not just being a pain to live with.

Hope pil visit goes well laguerta but sorry house sale saga goes on. When are you off to france?

Re hospital appt ( stitching can have a I told you so/should have kept off google look), all as should be (and is looking like another girl so name help will be needed). Re bleeding could see no new bleed or reason (eg cervix issues) to cause worry (did say placenta low lieing but consultant say unlikely to cause bleed and not an issue til 30 odd weeks). So given bleeding light/old told to take it easy and not worry unduly unless get pain/new bleed or significantly more. But thanks for concern and sympathy as much more comforting to know others been through It (thanks mudwiggle and stitching) and how scary it is. My mother did sympathize but then suggested I saw a dietician....(another entry in my mums loony book of support or inappropriate comment )z

Talking of which yay to mudwiggle re jeans. But sorry that weight worries pissing you off stitching . But given work stress is putting it back on not a shock as you have been under some strain. Also if ll didn't work does anything else help. Can only talk about ww as that Is only thing have known people stick to and lose weight consistently ( i don't count dh periodic "diets" as these usually get followed by his own patented curry beer chocolate diets so it is a bit o a cycle ).

Nice adult weekend leo?

Am shattered tho as was too hot in office/trip home (sorry to rub it in Leo).

E had first cinema trip to see cars 2- didn't last whole thing(was quite tired and got scared at end by noise)but judging by fact I wasn't allowed to be lighting McQueen she seems to have enjoyed it.

Stitching - I understand the serious depression due to weight, this is the smallest I have been for nearly four years and I'm not exactly skinny, BMI still 28. Six weeks ago I started on the online version of WW, I tracked properly for a couple of weeks but now only track if I'm not losing weight. I told myself six months to lose 50 pounds, I think the fact that the end of six months coincides with coming back to the UK may be a stronger motivation that I realised. I tried LL again before we left the UK and even carted some of the bloody stuff over here too, doesn't work for me anymore. However I have also carted these bloomin' jeans around for four years too and some even smaller ones and there's no way they're coming back with me unless they fit.

Can we get someone else to push the bed? I attempted a walk-run on Friday and it nearly killed me. It was much more walking than running as well.

LaG - Ignore the neighbours! If all goes to plan they won't be your neighbours for much longer. Sorry to hear that it is all still up in the air though. Have you decided where you will be moving to yet? We're in a rented house that is on the market and every 2/3 weeks the owners have an open house for an hour on Sundays. I get wound up about cleaning up for that and it isn't even my house so I can understand you getting grumpy with DH.

Gaston - So glad to hear all ok and so ok you even got a gender prediction. Can I recommend the name Harper? I had low lying placenta with DS2 as well, not that it mattered with a CS. It did mean extra scans though, which was good. In fact extra scan at 33 weeks showed placenta still low, just one week later it had moved completely... However it was a factor in him kicking my ribs repeatedly, just warning you now.

Gaston - Cars 2 was DS1's first cinema trip too, it was released here on his actual bday. He managed it which I was surprised at, esp as he had to wear stupid 3D glasses, but we had let him watch the original cars a lot beforehand and hyped up Lightening McQueen as his birthday theme. (Need to post cake pics on FB). P&T buggys have a long strap which I make him hold onto if he won't hold my hand when walking, claiming that the buggy is Mater and he is Lightening has made this so much easier...

Sorry to hear about the ongoing house selling saga LG. I don't envy anyone trying to sell in this market - I have 3 other friends selling at the moment, 2 not getting much interest and one friend who has finally sold and is moving soon. The completion date is looking to be w/c 20th August and she is due DC2 on Sept 2nd ! Mad doesn't quite describe it!

Can't believe your neighbours either - what total numpties . A house is only ever worth what someone is prepared to pay for it so they are talking absolute bollocks .

at your mum Gaston - and a dietician would do what?! Great news on DD2 - we need more girls on this thread . Now deb has joined do you realise we have 11 kids between us and only one girl?!

As for names Harper Eight is the obvious choice . I am very traditional with names so my girls' names would have been: Elizabeth, Harriet or Eleanor. However, I'm not keen on alliteration with names so you have Harriet from me !

Good to hear about the cinema trips - I'm intending to take DS1 when we get back from Scotland, when the GPs are up to look after DS2 as there is no way he is ready for a cinema trip!

The weight thing. Hmm. It's long and complicated. I have a very tricky relationship with food - so much so that I've now been referred to an eating disorders clinic . However, the waiting list is looooong and I don't want to end up piling on another two stone before I get some help . I am now considering using Paul McKenna as it's something I haven't really tried before but have read loads of good things about on here. Wish me luck.

Mudwiggle, may be our dhs' will push the bed? .

Between your neighbours and the Keynesian lectures om economics from your estate agent it's making it so mich worse laguerta? But does sounds like interest in it which is a start. Mud wiggle tidying up for a landlord would piss me off as bad enough doing it for yourself.

Also 6 months mean you will be back all going well when I am off with little hsrper Chardonnay (maybe hsrper lager is better?). Stitching I like the old fashioned names (preferably that can be shortened). Eleanor was on list last time - I like harriet but would be a bit mich with the surname. Dh keen on lily or may- I like them but not wild sbout them. But know need to think sbout this as took a while to come up with e name.

God knows what dietician would do - it's been suggested before by mum (and others). I don't mind some alternative therapies (acupuncture) and will try most but as far as I can tell I could set up as a dietician as it's not the same sort of thing as those who work in hospital.
Mind you my mum once thought a flat tyre was caused by foxes biting her tyres so is not the most reliable.
Re hypnotherapy/McKenna stuff stitching I would agree. Whilst it wont replace a visit to the clinic if done well it will reinforce it. I know it's not quite same but I know hypno and therapy are helping with my driving phobia . So it does help to shift and change mental and emotional issues.
Laguerta when you reappear was place in teddington good? Think I know one you mean so would be I interested to hear what you think.
Mudwiggle thanks for warning re low placenta- e was a mighty kicker too so there is something to look forward to .

Oh yes, Harriet rubbish with your name! Not keen on Lily or May either - what about Grace? V pop as middle name but don't know any with first name Grace. Or Charlotte? One of my friends is considering Martha which I wouldn't have thought of but actually really like.

Hi everyone,

I'm back from London - had an amazing time. Did very little at all except for eat, drink and snooze - it was great. Had a couple of hours wandering around Spitalfields market which was lovely (and acquired a new bracelet).

I have been reading, but I'll no doubt forget everything I want to post. LG - I agree your neighbours are bonkers. Sure, no-one wants a house to sell in your street for lower than you think yours is worth, but as Stitching says, a house is only worth what someone is willing to pay for it.

Gaston - am not much use on names I think. Most of the names I thought of wouldn't go with your surname. Harriet a definite no for you!

Deb, when are you off to/have you been to London yet?

Mudwiggle I'm very of jeans. I'd be pleased to get into my fat jeans. I was an 8-10 pre-DS and am now a 14-16. At a bad angle I look about 6 months pregnant. Vile. Lack of exercise is my downfall and I'm in a vicious circle of having no energy/being time poor/generally lazy... So sympathies to all of you who aren't feeling the best about your bodies and I hope you find something that works. I'll like to start the 30 day shred again (having started it just before I buggered my back in the Spring).

I have a special message for Deb - now it's August I'm turning my mind to Christmas shopping . Yes, I know you all think I'm bonkers but November/December is hectic with exams and social stuff so I like to get it out of the way. Am seriously lacking inspiration about what to get DS as a 'main' present. I might start a thread in the Christmas topic