Secret Garden

[BriansMum]

Hope this works, a shiny new thread girls - come on in .

Gaston - that's so shocking poor you, E and child's family. I'm very tired and don't think I have anything useful to say. Talking about death is almost impossible with this age I think. By way of example - DS1 got a pirate book for his birthday. In it is a puzzle of sailors being thrown to the sharks circling below. DS asks why they are flying into the sea. Where do you start? I know that story books do exist for pre schoolers on bereavement. I think I have seen them in the library. Hopefully nursery will strike the right tone and it's not something that you personally will have to deal with. Sorry, too tired hope I've not trivialised the situation.

Also many apologies - a complete fail from me to post E's card and present. This week dragging DS1 to the post office is too hard.

Stitching - apologies too I forgot to come back to the thread. That was today wasn't it. Hope you had a nice time wherever you ended up. Spectrum is the leisure centre. It has a Costa.

Night all

Gaston, I know we had a brief text chat about this last night but having had experience of dealing with children and bereavement I personally think they are far more resilient than we give them credit for (and this was two children who had lost their mum ).

Personally, and I know this will be controversial with some, I think getting bereavement counsellors in to a pre-school is way over the top and I completely agree with your instincts not to make a big deal of it with E. As you say she didn't know her and (I know this is going to sound awful) will probably barely notice she's gone. I know this is completely different but one of our NCT group moved away this year and the kids have not seen her son since February - they never ever mention him or ask where he is and yet they had seen him every week for 2 1/2 years.

LG is right, there are lots of books out there to help if E does ask awkward questions, and there is also Winston's Wish who were brilliant when my friend died.

My heart goes out to the parents. I cannot begin to imagine the agony of their grief - it makes my blood run cold to even think about it. Big hugs to you too, I'm not surprised you were so upset esp given the very stressful pg you're dealing with at the moment too x

LG, we had a lovely time, thank you . Sorry to hear you're so tired - general tiredness or are the boys up in the night/early morning again?

Right, off to lunch x

DS2 still waking at 11, 2 and 5 and often not settling back down thereafter. DS1 waking earlier again pre 6, triggered by DH getting up at 6.15 to go to new job. Zzzzzzz

Lag sorry having such a trying night shift. The early mornings must put icing on cake...

Thanks for words of advice. I am really glad you said what you did about not making too much of it - my friend also was worried as her little girl didn't really know or say anything. My view is to answer questions ifmshe asks nut not make a big deal of it. I actually rang bereavement line school sent who agreed with what you said Leo .

As you say my heart goes out to parents (they are living in worst way what we all fear ) but there Does seem an element of princess Diana funeral. The number of emails re what can we contribute to collection, meetings at school re how we feel are now a bit much. It's not going to bring the poor girl back

Anyway what's everyone up to at weekend.?

Ouch , that's a long night LG . I remember it well and don't want to remind you how long it took DS2 to stop waking up 3 times a night . Hope your DS2 cottons on quicker to the concept of sleep!

Gaston, the real punch will come after the funeral when they have nothing left to organise just a bloody great hole in their lives . What a tragic situation.

As for weekend, we have a busy one! PP World on Saturday, then a child's birthday party Sunday morning and then up to see a grown up friend for her birthday in the afternoon! A usual manic weekend in the Stitching household .

Quiet here but guess leo and midwiggle busy elsewhere.

In France which is lovely but hot- hope
Leo getting the weather. How was pp world stitching?

Hi Gaston, v of you being in France - although the weather here is amazing at the moment so it's not too bad being stuck in the UK .

We bottled PP this weekend - went to Legoland on Friday and it was hell! Soooo busy, absolutely rammed with school age children, awful. We decided PP would be the same so we stayed home and had a BBQ instead, lovely!

Off to visit a school re potential job tomorrow, although dh has just been offered new job with good pay rise so may rethink plans again .

That's promising re both your jobs. Is DH's job local?
France sounds nice. Still contemplating whether to take boys to my parents in place down in the south this summer. Would involve flight without DH. Scared off by ratios of babies to adults and cost! Stitching - you of course will be fine as yours are bigger

I would go for it laguerta - if it's not a long flight p could watch iPad which is good enough for e. And I do think it's pretty easy for kids Hols here (less than 2 weeks til our next holiday).

BA also very good when I have been alone with e if you can go with them.

Stitching that's good re jobs- fingers crossed for you.

Job based at Heathrow, though officially home-working which is great .

ROFL at idea that travelling with two mobile toddlers is going to be easier and I would guess that your DS2 is actually bigger than mine now!!

However, I would second what Gaston says, go for it! What's the worst that could happen? (Please don't answer that!!!! ).

Meant not easy in sense of toddlers- more that stuff to do/ food they like In France ESP if staying at home rather than hotel.

Job sounds good - will he take it?

I was ROFL-ing at LG suggesting I would have an easier time flying - competitive grief!

Yes, dh definitely taking the job - I, on the other hand, won't be! The job turned out not to be what I envisaged at all so I won't be putting in an application . Back to the drawing board.

Gaston, how are you feeling? Any more scans coming up x

Oh no stitching - sorry it was a waste of time
Yes another scan tomorrow so starting to get worked up - fingers crossed all ok.
Being really lazy and having rest indoors - heat is nice but bit much at times ESP when have to persuade paddling pool fiend to come in.

I have said it before and I will say it again- there are some right nasty people about ESP on here.

Thread from someone asking if they thought a bedtime type show for winding down for kids was good idea. Few helpful responses then someone said something along lines of "oh we never watch tv here - how about try netmums".

How is the world of smug and judgement in that sentence ever going to say anything positive re that person?

Know this is one of stitchings things but there Is a world of difference between moderate supervised age appropriate tv and blindly letting 8 year olds watch terminator.
Not to mention I don't see how holding up of snobbish view says anything nice about anyone

Oh god, how utterly smug!! I read quite a lot of parenting things on here and roll my eyes but wouldn't dream of being so smuggity smug about it - but then there are many who are mighty brave in cyber space .

Did the smug one get jumped on?

Just noticed I'd misspelt my username - the shame!!

Bonjour! I'm back from France - had a marvellous time and the weather was scorching. Unbelievably though, it was really nice here too but the forecast for the next few days is miserable. We were going to have a day out tomorrow for S's 3rd birthday, but our plans are all scuppered. Not much to do indoors except for soft play (but school holidays here now so it will be hellish) and we're waiting for the museum to re-open later this month. Meh.

Gaston - how was your scan today? Awful re the little girl at nursery. Poor family. No words of advice but other advice here sounds sensible.

Great news on your DH's job Stitching but sorry you're not having much luck.

LaGuerta - I'd go with the holiday. Ipad perfect for the flight, and people will help you out if you get stuck. I took S on the train to London (easier with one, I know!), but people were really good at offering to help me with bags, getting on and off the train etc.

Gaston, I'm so with you about some responses on here. I was brought up to think 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all'. So often, people bang on about not being judgemental, not being smug etc and then you see some terrible examples of both on here. TV is not the work of the devil. S has being demonstrating some amazing (in my humble opinion )imaginative play recently based on characters from his favourite tv shows. When he was much younger he used to go into an absolute meltdown around teatime and a short show used to calm him down. Now, because we don't get home till about 6.30 we eat late, so he gets to watch some tv after dinner and before bed to help him wind down. He still gets bedtime stories and playtime with us too though.

Oh, in other news, as well as coming home from holidays, unpacking, wrapping birthday presents etc we also had a trip to A&E at the sick kids hospital. S fell down the stairs (only the last couple we think) and bashed his face. His nose was really squashed in so we were worried it was broken. Thankfully all ok. Am torn with guilt for letting him go down the stairs unsupervised, but he's normally very good and is being really independent these days. Gah.

Off to put feet up with a well-earned glass of wine now! Hope you're all having a good evening.

Bonjour Leo, comment allez vous? Vous avez un bon vacances?

Er, that's it and that's probably all wrong too!!

Loved your photos - esp had to at the Daily Sulk! Toddlers, don't you just love 'em?!

Sorry to hear about the trip to A&E - if it's any consolation, both our boys traverse the stairs independently now, it's just a risk we take isn't it? I've fallen down the stairs on a number of occasions but dh doesn't insist on supervising me!

Agree with you about how tv can inspire imaginative play - my boys do a lot of imaginative play around Fireman Sam and also Dora (although they watch that at the CM's cos we don't get Sky so I've no idea what they're talking about half the time!).

Dh handed in his notice today - exciting times .

waits for Gaston to come along and translate

It is good to know that others are letting their DC go up and down the stairs all by themselves (am very impressed at DS2!). I've been feeling really bad that I wasn't watching him. I try really hard not to be too 'helicopter-y' but at the same time I don't want to risk his safety by lurching to far the other way!

Had a terrible night's sleep - DS had an almighty tantrum about 1 am and it took about an hour to settle him. I didn't really get back to sleep after that. Tantrums are so much harder now that he can really articulate what he's trying to say. Lots of 'no mummy, go away and leave me alone' or in response to me asking what's wrong 'nothing! just leave me alone' (I thought I had a good 10 years before that attitude kicked in ).

How's everyone else? It's quiet on here this week.

Exciting times indeed re job change Stitching - when will he start the new job?

Right, have to go bake a cake.

Oops - unnecessary bolding!

And thank you re: photos Stitching. Am off to put some more up before starting on cake.

Er, yer, DS2 rewarded my laissez-faire parenting by somersaulting (literally ) down the stairs this morning . Thankfully dh was at the bottom of the stairs and caught him . It could have been very nasty so maybe I need to do a bit more helicoptering and a little less leaving them to it .

Bugger about the tantrum - DS1 sometimes has nightmares and they're hard enough but a night-time tantrum must be a real struggle .

Dh starts his new job on 1st August and is very excited .

Checking in to say hi. Sorry about the accidents and near misses. I am afraid I do helicopter a bit on stairs (less than I did) as I had a s type accident aged 2 . That said I am more relaxed than I was in playgrounds but still keep a close eye(having a dad and sil who delight in telling me their Gp horror stories doesn't help).

Re tv agree that get some good value- peppa octonauts ben and Holly have all inspired a lot of games. Baby jake provoking interest now -it's bizarre but oddly compelling.

Sympathy re tantrums as have got more (the daytime nap thing still needed but not always taken and like s she can be a minx to settle). I have a lot of go away , I hate you etc but it is all tiredness and not reacting works (I too thought didn't I have 10 years before this when first heard it).

Will try to make up posting at weekend but been shattered and have sizeable bump now so am hoping all good- 12 week scan and tests next week so apprehensive but will be pleased to get over that hopefully.

Talking of which did see on fb that essie had her baby?

Yes, she has joined the Two Boy Club (of which there are three on here! ).

Excited at the sizeable bump, how lovely .

Having checked out Baby Jake yet, but saw the trailer - looks interesting!

Hello! Sorry for absence. Forgot to check in for a few days. Yes I saw Essie's news - a big baby compared to her first I think?

Gaston - fingers crossed for next week. I assume this week's scan was all fine?

On the accident front I am weirdly happy that DS1 cutting his chin open happened at nursery. I feel very confident that they are pretty good on H&S whereas if it had happened at home then I would have felt like I had failed in some way. Nursery were pretty flustered about it. It was the deputy head's first "major incident" Leo - we got the bio oil out for him tonight.

No house news. Two viewings though - one today and one tomorrow. The house is strangely tidy!

I have followed your advice and booked flights to France for August. If it's awful I will blame all of you! In all seriousness I found out this week that a friend's father suddenly died a week or two ago. It gave me the kick to realise that I should be making the most of time with my parents despite their irritations (e.g. Driving along empty French roads at a max 50 mph), and that the DCs should see them more too. I am also contemplating a trip to PILs without DH on the same grounds during the summer hols. Please remind me of these noble intentions when GPs are driving me crackers and DH isn't there to offer solace!

Will be fine laguerta [pats hand reassuringly]. e quite enjoys travelling provided suitably bribed. And agree that I need to bite the bullet more re gps as e likes them. We are going camping with them at end of august so wish me luck...

Yes- all fine this week but already resolving to stay away from google re tests, older mothers ( as know stitching will give me a teachers stare if I do).
Very loud party here tonight - sounds like some end of term thing but hope it woos soon...