Hi. Can I have a self indulgent thread please? Really need it.

[monkeyfacegrace]

Some of you will have seen me around. Christ, Ive been on MN long enough.

Ive had a really traumatic 8 weeks, causing me to put on 20lbs ish. Now, Im a big girl anyway, but I feel vile now. I snore, sweat, dont fit my clothes.

Im 26 years old, 5'7". 175lb tonight
I was 110lb 4 years ago. Underweight due to eating issues, but my god I was hot!

Gave up 40 a day fag habit, and weight has piled on.

Doesnt help Im wearing a 34JJ bra so I look enormous.

I have bipolar, and severe depression. Have had an emotionally abusive exH (weight related abuse), and even resorted to plastic surgery. I hate myself, basically.

I NEED to get to 130lb. Id be so so happy, I know it. Its my only real battle in life

I cant do it, I know I cant. But I have to try, I cant keep crying every day.

Today I have had roast beef, lots of hard cheese, chicken wings, water, pepsi max and vodka and diet lemonade.

Please can I use this thread as like a diary? I need help.
Please, help.

Tomorrow:

Brekkie: Salmon fillet and iceberg lettuce
Lunch: Pate on lettuce slabs
Tea: Lasagne made with cheese slabs instead of pasta

4 x 500ml bottles of spring water
2 x boiled eggs for snacks

Hi Monkey, I posted on your thread in chat and have followed you here.

Tomorrow's menu looks great, especially the lasagne.

I hope it works for you, really sounds like you could do with something to feel good about. I'm on a soft version of a low carb diet - mainly I've eliminated grains, potatoes and legumes, increased fat and try to get lots of veggies in. I find Marks Daily Apple great for inspiration, and try to find primal recipes online.

Good luck to you!

Thank you.

Its not a 'be kind' to myself issue. I HATE how fat I am. I don't hate myself as a person, I hate how I look. HATE HATE HATE it.

Im going to offload here. I dont expect any replies, just typing is 1) Keeping me out of the kitchen 2) Helping mentally

Oh I'm totally there with you. Being kind is nice if you can manage it, but if you are desperate to lose weight then it's good you've got focus. I can't wait to be just maintaining and not worry about the occasional pudding or small bowl of pasta. It sounds like you've had a moment of intense clarity though and will do anything to feel healthier (and in turn happier with yourself?)

My moment of clarity came 7 months ago. On the scales at the drs having my postnatal check, 12st 8lbs. I'm only 5'6 and was distraught at how big I must have been before delivering. I did it slowly for awhile but felt like I was hitting a brick wall. I've still got 19lbs to lose to get to my healthy weight and it can't come off fast enough. I'm too chicken for Atkins, but instead I'm trying to make sustainable changes.

So:

21st Dec-175lb start
4th Jan- 165lb target
25th Jan- 159lb target
22nd Feb- 152lb target
15th March- 146lb target
1st April- 140lb target
26th April- 130lb GOAL.

Easy. Then on 26th April, if Im within 7lb +/-, Im booking a long weekend in Bellagio, LV.

It all seems so simple tonight when I have my determined head on.

Im 5'7lb, and 12st 7lb

Not postnatal here either! Gross. I wobble, its awful.

Well done monkey! Keep posting, well done for getting through last night and your first day.

Im so pleased with myself!

Really not expecting replies here, just using it as a diary thingymajig. But thanks for the confidence boost MHP

Just had bacon and cheeseboard for breakfast. I figure its Christmas, so thats fine, and will progress to the 'clean' meats and poss reduce pepsi in Jan. But, still carb free.

My DH is a star. He has cleared me my own shelf in the fridge, and shelf in the cupboard. He is going to stuff it with cured meats/cooked chicken/jelly etc, so I can snack away without looking around for temptation.

Day two, and Im genuinally looking forward to the day

Hi Monkeyface. I was on your other thread, think you're much better here where nobody's going to tell you that you "need" pasta !

Anyway. well done on making a start and I'll pop onto the thread now and then to read your progress.

And on the subject of lasagne, I love that idea to use cheese, may have to try it.

Well done MFG.

The Bellagio is worth a visit even if it is just to watch the fountain show, just fabulous.

Hello,

Just few other meal ideas. Omelette but use two whites and one whole egg.
Make courgette pasta.
Mushrooms - cook in a chicken stock cube. They are lovely.

Bella, we got married there

Thanks mrswelly x

mrswelly why just one egg yolk? I usually use three whole eggs - yum!

monkey your DH sounds lovely and supportive clearing you a shelf like that. Have a fab day, lovely to hear you sounding do much more positive already.

Seriously you're all saying well done for dieting to someone who is telling you they hate, hate, hate their body, has had plastic surgery, suffered abuse because her ex had issue with her body. And your solution is to tell her to change her body? Seriously ponder that.
Op work on your mental health. There is nothing wrong with your body. Changing it won't fix it because it is in your head.

Oh here we go.

Yes there is something wrong with my body. Im 12.5 stone, a size 14/16 and I have 34JJ boobs.

I am not healthy. Im not an 8st waif with body dysmorphia. I am fat.

I know, as in fact, that I will feel better if I lose 45lb and fit back into my clothes. Im currently living in my DH joggers and hoodies.

I have a wardrobe worth thousands, but cannot wear it.

For once, when somebody says they HATE their body, can it not just be a simple, straightforward matter of being overweight?

And its really not in my head.

I dont see anyone telling OP to change her body.
If she was posting asking for support about body image issues, or low sel esteem, she'd get support for that. Ditto if she was asking for help with her mental health, but she isn't.
OP has made a decision to lose some weight, and she's getting support for her decision.

Xposted with you OP

I wasn't aware anything to do with plastic surgery had been discussed. I think what is being posted here is support for someone following a low carb diet, in the low carb section.

I had a breast reduction. I went down to a DD. The minute I put weight on, it goes to my boobs, hence they have grown back!

Ive just demolished sugar free jelly smothered in double cream, yuuuummmyyy

I remember now why I can succesfully do this WOE!

Well done monkey - sounds lovely!

Im 5,7 was just under 10 stone a few weeks ago now im 10 1/2 stone now due to eating what i want panicking a bit now as ive a few partys to go to so going to be more careful now.

If you want people to say you will look better when you're 130 pounds than you now look I am sure we are happy to say it. It's a just a fact. Most people don't look that good when they're overweight. I don't think it does much good when people suggest overweight is attractive and I think you know it too so go ahead and write it all down and work at losing it. You've made a very good start.

I would keep eating as you are planning to do - lots of good fats, meats, eggs, fish, veg. Fatty meat can make you thin amazingly despite what the NHS tells us.

I should have added that I need to lose a stone and would love to lose two.

Am inspired by your determination. Will start low carb again in Jan. like you, I have a wardrobe of lovely clothes I can't wear. Hate it. I got down to 9 stone 3 before am now about 11 and a half. All on my tummy. Hate it!