Hi. Can I have a self indulgent thread please? Really need it.

[monkeyfacegrace]

Some of you will have seen me around. Christ, Ive been on MN long enough.

Ive had a really traumatic 8 weeks, causing me to put on 20lbs ish. Now, Im a big girl anyway, but I feel vile now. I snore, sweat, dont fit my clothes.

Im 26 years old, 5'7". 175lb tonight
I was 110lb 4 years ago. Underweight due to eating issues, but my god I was hot!

Gave up 40 a day fag habit, and weight has piled on.

Doesnt help Im wearing a 34JJ bra so I look enormous.

I have bipolar, and severe depression. Have had an emotionally abusive exH (weight related abuse), and even resorted to plastic surgery. I hate myself, basically.

I NEED to get to 130lb. Id be so so happy, I know it. Its my only real battle in life

I cant do it, I know I cant. But I have to try, I cant keep crying every day.

Today I have had roast beef, lots of hard cheese, chicken wings, water, pepsi max and vodka and diet lemonade.

Please can I use this thread as like a diary? I need help.
Please, help.

Right, all Pepsi has been drunk, and I WILL NOT buy any more. I may treat myself to a can on Monday, but not before.

Today Ive had a rare steak for breakfast. Roast chicken thighs and legs for lunch (skin on), and a small baked camembert with asparagus dipped in for tea. I may have shared a bottle of cava with my best mate too, but we have both had a bit of a sad day (various genuinally sad reasons).

Is that an ok day? Feeling very very down about it all.
Through December I had a bottle of wine a day, and since Jan 1st Ive had 4 bottles. That was one on my birthday, one spread over Fri/Sat/Sun, one Weds night as myself and DH went away for a special night, and the one I shared with my mate today. I thought that I was doing really well but written down its shit isnt it

Oh dear. I just want to lose another 30lb. Ive done 10 ish but that doesnt seem good enough

I think your doing really well, you got some asparagus in today and a yum variety with protein! I def agree bootcamp thread is hard to keep up with but there are some great meals ideas on there and some good thoughts and ideas and you can see that there are many people out there having struggles but giving each other support. i keep reading that group support is good for weight lose and maintaining. it. I think there is also a thread for dry january which might be interesting there are 2 weeks left on that and 2 weeks free from alcohol before adding it back seems to be the reccomendation on a lot of diets. Even if you don't do that plugging away with what you can do to eat healthily will help and over the scheme of a year would hopefuly see the weight loss you want whereas being strict could see you lose it but then regain in a year.

No pepsi today, just fizzy spring water mixed with orange squash

Well done

Well done! Don't be so hard on yourself.

I'm sending you big hugs. (Low carb ones, obviously )

Right, another day without pepsi. Ive drunk 3l of fizzy water mixed (weakly) with orange squash.

Still no bloody weight loss. I cant get past the 165lb mark

I seem to have gone 175, 169, 163 (I think scales were wrong), now stuck at 164/5/6 over last few days.

Getting right pissed off and fed up.

All Im eating is eggs, meat, cheese and veg.

I'm no good with the whole diet thing, but you've done ever so well with not drinking pepsi

Ive just had a small glass of red, but thats purely for medicinal purposes

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo to the orange squash!!!!

I tell you what, list out for me what you've been eating/drinking over the last few days, and see if there's anything I can help you with

Whats wrong with orange squash??!! I cant just drink water, it makes me gag

Ive had ceaser salads without croutons, eggs, chicken wings/thighs, gammon, lots of cheese, cauliflower, cabbage, asparagus, baked camembert, sugar free jelly with double cream, steak and salad.

Literally no rice/pasta/bread/biscuits/cake ANYTHING that usually Id have eaten by the bucket load before!

And now Im onto day 3 pepsi free

Huge by the way. Really dont expect replies here, just sort of writing my feelings down to make me feel better!

Can you get used to a dash of pure lemon juice mixed with water or sparkling water?

Or what about investigating herbal tea?

Fennel tea might be nice if you like an aniseed type taste.

Mint tea is refreshing.

Wow didnt expect replies, thanks all.

Im a hard one with drinks. Have never ever drunk water, even as a kid. It really does make me gag.

I also dont drink any sort of hot drink, have NEVER had a tea/coffee/hot choc.

Ive also never had milk/milkshake.

Im literally down to squash, fizzy pop and alcohol!

Im trying today, to have two 500ml bottles of evian.

The orange squash says 2.5g carb per 100ml, didnt realise it was so high. So Ive bought Vimto squash, which is 0.3g carbs per 100ml.

So, can I have 2x500ml bottles of Evian, then throughout the day have 2l of fizzy water mixed with weak vimto squash?

Still no weight loss this morning and tbh I dont think I could try harder, Im giving it my all.

I suspect the Vimto squash will have sweeteners which bring the carb content down but it does not help you lose a 'sweet tooth'. Getting used to it being weaker and weaker is good though, eventually you might even like the fizzy water by itself , which is what I drink.

With the herbal teas, you can brew them and let them go cold. Be careful though because some fruit teas are sweet and I think they could contain sugars. Herbal teas are fine. I tried rose tea which was quite perfumed, very chilled you could almost persuade yourself it is Rose Wine . Add some sparkling mineral water for a fizzy version!

The alcohol can put weight on you, or keep you from losing. I have managed to lose, whilst still having the wine, before, but only drank half a glass with my meal. You could try smaller glasses and sipping it really slowly. However I am off the stuff for a while because I know it is just too tempting to have more than that, especially champagne, which I could drink all evening!

I really think if you could ditch the artificial sweeteners you might see a loss. So go with th Vimto for now but gradually reduce the squash by adding more water. I hate Evian. Really don't like it. Can drink lots of other waters though so maybe try a few others. Have you tried having a jug of water with some sliced fruits in the fridge. You drink the water but don't eat the fruit but it does flavour the water slightly.

Try water at different temperatures too. I used to be only able to drink it ice cold. Try sparkling with ice and a couple of slices of lemon or lime.

Are you eating enough veg?

Think I agree with cider, good luck! Btw well done again just focus on 10lbs lost, pepsi habbit kicked to the curb and general imporvement in food and drink! You must be sooo much healthier than this time last month