Struggling I'm afraid, feels like I'm tired and unhappy a lot of the time lately. I've been a carby twat today and I know I'm self sabotaging in order to hurt myself
I'm sick of not fitting into my clothes, being bad tempered and snappy, and worrying that the cancer dh had last year will come back. I'm worried all the time, I'm exhausted. Toddler ds keeps waking up at 4.30/5am and won't go back to sleep. I don't have much of an appetite, I just had a crappy noodle thing, I now have the stomach ache I knew it'd give me. I remember this time last year being utterly terrified that it would be dh's last xmas, it just makes me so sad
I used to get so excited about xmas, this year feels strange. Dh has a check up next week, that'll explain a lot of it I guess. We're not really talking much at the moment or connecting, I'm irritable and then I feel guilty.
I think I need to see the gp but I don't want to be put back on citalopram, the weight gain was terrible and I was purposefully careful when on it. The fortnight I came off them I dropped 6lb. I'm now stuck around 9st 4lb all the time, even with really strict weeks and running a few times a week.
It's so simple when I think about it properly - low carbing etc, just hard at the moment to get myself out of this rut. I'm meant to go to running club tonight but I want to cry and sleep. We've got a long group run coming up v soon, I'm struggling with it all tbh. Everything feels like such a hard slog, my legs feel like lead.
Sorry for moaning, just needed to tell someone. I know I'm not trying hard enough, and I'm letting myself down.