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Lone parents

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Original poster

Advice needed over renting a place when you are a lone parent

19 replies

sweetchillidip · 02/05/2010 18:54

I am in a pickle, I have no idea where to go or who to talk too.

DH announced on Wednesday that he isn't in love with me anymore (things had been strained for a while ~ but I never expected him to come out with that!) I am gutted!

We have a mortgage on a house that neither of us alone could manage, the house needs doing up before we sell. We are strapped for cash, DH is suggesting we both continue living in the house until we get it to some reasonable standard. But to be honest I dont think I could cope with that arrangement as it could be several months. There is no way he could afford to move out and rent another place as well as the mortgage until it sells.

The question I need to ask is this :-
Can you get help with rent if you leave your home that you have a mortgage on (its in joint names). I have 3 DDs all of school age and I work 20hrs a week.

Hope you understand my question, my mind is in a complete whirl at the moment, cant believe this is actually happening to me, we have been living together for 21 yrs - married for 18!

Am just trying to find out different solutions at the moment.

OP posts:
Chandra · 02/05/2010 19:02

If you stay in the house and he moves out, you will be getting tax credits and, and perhaps some help towards the mortgage if you are really really strained (... and he has decided to pretend he doesn't have children as some people do by not paying anything towards the children).

But, I don't know how does it work if you are the one that leaves the house. I guess that if you are the main carer of the children it would be better to stay put?

I would forget about the house now, don't take any drastic decissions while you are still in shock, make a free half an hour initial appointment with a solicitor to know where you stand, before taking any decision on leaving the house.

BertieBotts · 02/05/2010 19:04

Off the top of my head, it is asked about on the housing benefit form. I will look some stuff up and come back to you.

BertieBotts · 02/05/2010 19:06

This may help not sure how long it takes to do.

Original poster
sweetchillidip · 02/05/2010 19:08

Thanks Chandra

Although he has dropped a bomb shell he is being really sweet too! He has offered to help all he can.

We are both too honest and don't want to diddle anyone or anything.

I mentioned the solicitor to DH and it really shocked and upset him as he has said I can have everything I want ~ except him!

I will be the main carer for the children.

OP posts:
Original poster
sweetchillidip · 02/05/2010 19:14

Thnak you Bertie, just looking at that now, although at the momnt I cant see my question answered, unless they take the equity of my home as savings.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 02/05/2010 19:20

On directgov it says "You may get Housing Benefit if you pay rent and your income and capital (savings and investments) are below a certain level."

I don't think that the house equity would cont as savings, but it might count as an investment. I am not sure.

Original poster
sweetchillidip · 02/05/2010 19:22

If that is the case, I probably would be okay! Will have to make some phone calls on Tuesday.

Thanks

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BertieBotts · 02/05/2010 19:25

I know that the housing officers at my local council have been really helpful when I've gone to them to ask for advice before.

Chandra · 02/05/2010 21:01

"We are both too honest and don't want to diddle anyone or anything.

I mentioned the solicitor to DH and it really shocked and upset him as he has said I can have everything I want ~ except him!"

Sweetchillidip, a warning here, I guess that every amicably divorce/separation starts with those words, but circumstances change, and people become pressured about financial aspects and start acting, sometimes, in very unexpected ways. So be business like, the clearest the position the less scope for disputes in the future.

Original poster
sweetchillidip · 02/05/2010 21:07

Okay Chandra, I hear what you are saying.

I will look into the solicitor and see what they say.

Bloody nightmare!

OP posts:
Chandra · 02/05/2010 21:29

When you talk to the solicitor, take with you some figures like how much the house may be sold for, how much you owe in the mortgage, your salary, his salary, how much you have savings, debts you may have (credit cards included), where will the children will live and how many days they will be at his dad's.

There is a document you may want to have a look at and possibly fill up, now that communication is good, it is a Parenting Plan (hopefully someone will come with a link to it as I know it is in internet but I have not yet been able to find it. The solicitor may provide a copy).

npg1 · 04/05/2010 19:02

Hi. I am going through exactly the same thing at the moment. Ex and I split but we have a joint mortgage, luckily for me he works 6 hours away and lives away all week only coming back every other weekend to see the children.

I have spoke to housing benefit and Income support, HB telling me I could claim and IS telling me I could claim so I went through the whole process of claiming and now I cant claim HB because I have capital and I cant claim IS also because of the capital. I dont work.

I am now hoping ex will buy me out. Once you have savings below £16,000 you can claim HB.

I hope that helps in some way. I feel I have been given lots of false information and now cant claim a thing apart from tac credit.

Original poster
sweetchillidip · 04/05/2010 21:31

Thank you npg1, although it doesn't help you, it seems good news for me.

Sorry you are going through this too.

I wish DH lived away during the week and only came back weekends, its tearing me apart with both of us living in the same house, sharing the same bed, eating at the same table and sitting in the same room every night.

At present DDs know nothing about whats going on, its really hard pretending in front of them, but DH wants to wait a while before telling them.

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npg1 · 04/05/2010 22:00

Hi. I tried to private message you but it didnt worrk!

Im sorry you are going through this. It must be very hard for you.

I have only just told my DD's and we split in feb but to be honest they dont know anything different as ex is always away working. My oldest took it really well.

If you need any other advice I will try my hardest!

Original poster
sweetchillidip · 04/05/2010 22:29

npg - how old are your DDs?

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Chandra · 04/05/2010 22:44

One thing, don't tell them you are splitting until you can also tell them with a good degree of accuracy what is going to happen with them, where his dad is going to live, and when and how they will get to see him/talk to him.

It is easier for them to accept the changes if they know what is going to happen.

Original poster
sweetchillidip · 04/05/2010 23:03

Thats what we figured Chandra, it is so easy when you are upset just to rant and rave to the poor DC. Obviously they have noticed that things are not the same, and it is really hard to hide the truth from a sixteen yr old (who I desp don't want to upset as she is just about to sit her GCSEs!)

fingers crossed we are holding on to it in front of DDs!

OP posts:
gillybean2 · 06/05/2010 09:09

Sol only gives half an hour free advise. Maybe pop along to your CAB office first to find out as much as you can free from them, then see a sol when you have narrowed down your questions somewhat.

CAB number (citizens advice) will be in your phone book.

Your ex sounds like he was rather shocked that you acted on what he said about splitting up. There is no way you can do a divorce 'amicably' without a more than high chance of getting shafted. If he didn't expect solicitors to be involved, particularly over the house, then he is in denial about the consequences of his decision. Maybe this will make him realise just what he has choosen to do.

It's difficult to make rational and good long term decisions when you are in such a whirl emotionally. That's why it's important to get impartial and fair advice from outside parties before you agree to anything.

Your ex (imo) is clearly feeling guilty and trying to convince himself he is not the 'bad guy' here. He may be saying right now that you can have everything, but when the reality of that is him living in a cardboard box while you have the house and all his earned income you can see he will change his tune sharpish.

Unless getting the ball rolling, and you acting on it, has shocked him so much that he realises the enormity of his decision and is willing to try relationship councelling.... ??
.... I suggest you go see the CAB, find out the realities of the situation, and get the house on the market as soon as you can.

Stay strong for your childen, and make sure that you get the best result for them in what must be an extremely difficult time for you all. You will get through this.
Best wishes and take care
Gilly

Original poster
sweetchillidip · 07/05/2010 08:00

Thank you Gilly

I will have to wait until half term before I get down to the CAB as its only open when I am at work ( I work in a school)

Still can't believe that this is happening.

Thank you to everyone who has given me advice.

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