kids have just gone back to dad's for half of the week, so sad

[allegrageller]

I was wondering how other lone mums with 50% custody cope with the 'handover'....

my ex h actually has his childcare done by a nanny but I've been effectively bullied into 50:50 and barred by threat of legal action and financial shit from giving up work to look after them (apparently the nanny is better than me and if I sack her and look after the kids myself he will take me to court under hte Children Act...and he is quite insane enough to do that)

ds2 is only 2.11 and cried so much this morning when she took him away....it isn't so bad with ds1 who's 6 and a half, he is that bit more self-sufficient plus I can chat to him on the phone when not with him.

Just feel so sad and miss them so much and also worried about the effect on them

[mamas12]

Yes this next bit is going to be tough but you do need to do this or I think your depression will deepen if you think you are being denied access to your dcs.

Get some honest to goodness rl person to be with you today or tomorrow (womens aid) and make a plan and be with you to execute it.

You don't have to tell him anything at all until you have decided what is going to happen.

Take control.

[mamas12]

Just re read your post.

Sack the nanny and take your kids back and let him take you to court.

[mamas12]

It sounds so simple doesn't.
I know you are worried and fearful (your words) of his reaction. That is not normal.
That's why you need to make it simple again and get that rl support behind you and do it.

Please keep posting for more online support here too.

[NicknameTaken]

Good strong advice from coldtits and mamas12. You've let him define the rules of the game for a long time now. You've got to seize back some power here. What's the worst he can do? You just might find that he's a paper tiger once you stand up to him.

[mamas12]

Alle I hope you are alright and have screwed up enough 'something' in you to ring and accept the help and (correct legal)advice you so desperately need to reclaim not only your children so to speak but your own mind it seems.

I am at work today but will log on again about 5 later on if you need to chat here.

Thinking about you.

[mamas12]

Are you ok Alle?

[allegrageller]

thanks mamas I'm fine.

I had a lovely weekend with the boys. I still feel very sad and anxious but I have pulled myself together a bit and rang a solicitor recommended by Women's Aid.

She thinks I have a very good case for being able to look after the children myself and that she reckons H will have to pay my legal costs!! (hehe) Also she says it is worth investigating whether I can alter the 'strict' 50:50 he has imposed given that he is only seeing the children for one half of an hour before they go to bed. And if they are with me in the daytime as I am not at work, that's clearly bonkers.

I'll let you know what transpires once she has got a letter out. Blimey these feminist solicitors are expensive though :-0

[mamas12]

Fantastic news! So glad you phoned them.
Worth every penny for all the expertise and to have her to back you up.

Watch out now he will not like it, disengage. Don't talk to him - email okay.
Good luck for the next bit.

[NicknameTaken]

A good solicitor makes a huge difference! Fingers crossed for the situation to improve!

[cestlavielife]

well done. agree "Don't talk to him - email okay".

dont respond to whatever he says - tell him to go thru your solicitor.