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Original poster

where have all the fit, interesting and available men gone (part 18)

1000 replies

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 24/02/2010 18:01

part 18.... jeeze 17 threads have past...17 threads worth of dating excitment/disasters.

wonder what number 18 will bring

any predictions anyone?

wedding/co-habitation for someone must be due by now.

OP posts:
SingleMum01 · 12/03/2010 20:41

I'm here ninah, just considering pouring a glass (or 2)!

ninah · 12/03/2010 21:02

sm1 make it a full one then, that's the done thing (apparently)

Remotew · 12/03/2010 21:14

Ninah, what's going on? Thought you were sorted. I'm here btw. Had a stressful week at work. Also given up looking for a man. Finally got to 48 and realised that I am a loser in love and should give it all up.

Sounds terrible that, as though I'm depressed which I'm not.

SingleMum01 · 12/03/2010 21:29

a friend told me its better to be on your own than with the wrong man - very wise words I think

sincitylover · 12/03/2010 21:36

Hello all

Just drinking my first glass of white.

Not much to report from here.

Have sort of given up on online stuff for now.

ninah · 12/03/2010 21:41

just looking eve
nm/ex got bitten by a cat and cannot come round
loser in love, how ridiculous
in a put up a front or shut up marriage, maybe - that's my definition of loser in love
someone who settles
whereas you have lovely dd, are obvious man magnet when you venture out plus the prospect of all that speed in the dales
anyway what happened last time you said the famous 'given up'mantra? eh?
my glass is half empty now btw

SingleMum01 · 12/03/2010 21:55

I text my older bloke tonight - a thanks and goodbye kind of text! He text me back saying he thought i wasn't interested as I never text him, said how I felt etc. Anyway to cut a long story short, we're going out one eve next week. Well that's tonight, see what happens.

Remotew · 12/03/2010 21:55

Thanks Ninah, you have picked me up. Just know that it's all for a bit of fun but to find the real thing is totally beyond me. It's not going to happen unless I really apply myself to wanting it.

No harm in fishing for you. Like SCL I'm not looking online. I don't enjoy it much. Do think until I am really on my own i.e once DD leaves then I will want to not be on my own iyswim?

Remotew · 12/03/2010 21:58

SM01, ask him what night? Say you need to plan a babysitter and want to firm up arrangements. That's not needy, just practical.

ninah · 12/03/2010 22:03

eve I think that once you lead a truly independent life it is impossible to settle for less than the best
when you are in your 20s, no kids, it is all a bit of a game
At our stage in life, with all we have built up, it takes a really special bloke to actually add to that, rather than to make us feel like we have to compromise
for all the messing around with nm/ex, of whom I'm v fond - I am v much aware my life is my responsibility, and I have done the most difficult things ie bring up dc on a shoestring, I am not a practical kind of person and it was a bloody struggle
i don't know how you will feel when dd has left home. I hope you will find someone to share life with - the ones on this thread who were truly ready to, seem to have done so ..
for me, if my post dc years are made up of friends, art, writing etc - I'd be as happy if not more so ...
what do you think, how would you feel?

SingleMum01 · 12/03/2010 22:05

I'm not holding my breath although we did have a really good chat and I must admit I have been playing it cool, but don't want to seem too keen. So has he though, he's never actually said how he feels. I gave him plenty of opportunity to call it a day, our lives being at different points etc etc. I'll see when/what he comes back with. Struggling to get a sitter anyway as I'm out on Friday and don't like to get one too much.

This dating lark is bloody difficult.

Been back on sites though, lining them up ready!

Remotew · 12/03/2010 22:23

SM01, I do think that if you meet anyone through internet dating and in RL, at the pub etc and you really like him then you have been lucky to feel that way, but and it's a big but, you have to take it all with a pinch of salt, especially with internet dating. They have a whole virtual world of women wanting to meet them so they will play the field, more so if they are new to it.

You may be lucky and meet somone geniune but as I've said don't count on it. Sorry to sound doom and gloom. Best thing you can do is keep your options open and arrange some more dates with other people, tricky I know, if you are fussy and I suspect you are as we all are and if you are like me perhaps cannot be bothered to waste your time, but to be successful at this game then you need to have the attitude nothing ventured, nothing gained. Juicy is a good inspiration for this.

Ninah, I have made a good life for DD and myself and I haven't been a loser in that respect but I have been on my own without love for a few years as I have made sacrifices so would like to find companionship [middle aged emotion] soon.

For you, and I don't know your situation but guess your love of your independence to persue your hobbies etc is similar to how I have always felt and embraced it. But I am getting on a bit and the feminist ideal of being an independent woman is melting away with the onset of wrinkles and middle aged spread. Just pondering tonight.

ninah · 12/03/2010 22:33

fair enough eve
I am 43 this year ....
I feel I would like companionship too, but the reality always seems to involve a compromise I can't quite manage
In a way I am more ready to settle down now than ever before. I am also much, much more picky and critical. And set in my ways tbh.
From your posts you seem a sociable and engaging woman so I wouldn't envisage you having the kind of personal defects that would sabotage a relationship - the only prob is that in the over 40s age group the available men are quite hard to fancy, let's say. I don't think you will lower your standards .... somehow I still see myself buying yet another bloody hat
probably soon after another of your men embargos
let's face it, this thread is like the 'lucky'office chair eventually

ninah · 12/03/2010 22:37

I'll stick my neck out and have a sneaky each way on salesman at good odds
poor form needs to shape up but potential to canter past the finishing post under a tight rein

Remotew · 12/03/2010 22:44

Ninah, you sound exactly where I was a few years ago. I wouldn't compromise then. Once the DC's are nearly adult we can start seeing the wood for the trees and start thinking, what do I want? I know I don't want to grow old on my own so that's a good thing.

I won't look for someone as a provider, or to complete a family but for someone just for me.

Remotew · 12/03/2010 22:45

lol Ninah, he reckons he has a hareem just cannot fatham how and what with!

ninah · 12/03/2010 22:54

Like I said that man needs to shape up ..
I don't mind getting old alone, maybe I will change but I can't imagine it (I saw how helpless my father was when my mother died)
I have some good friends and autonomy in my life, I am content
but it's good to know what you want
Eve, you will find it, I have no doubt of that

SingleMum01 · 13/03/2010 08:51

I find blokes in their 30's are still players and blokes in their 40's are bald, fat and set in their ways! lol

I'm happy with my DS and fought to keep my house when I split up, so would be loathe to do anything that may jeopardise that, plus my DS will always come first so any bloke needs to understand that. However, now my DS is (7) and I have more time I would like to meet someone, miss those nice texts etc. Its also not easy for me as my DS doesn't go to stay with his dad at all, so I have to get a sitter in if I want to go out etc.

At the moment, I'm just enjoying the dating game, no doubt It'll piss me off some time soon.

lou33 · 13/03/2010 09:31

Well I am 43 with four kids and I met my lovely genuine man online and he is anything but a player and in his late thirties so I guess I just bucked the system lol

SingleMum01 · 13/03/2010 09:50

lou - what site, any tips?

lou33 · 13/03/2010 12:02

It wasnt a dating site but loads use it like that it seems. Dont ask me for tips I had come off all sites when we met cos I was fed up with it all tho I certainly had plenty of dates. He came along when I wasnt looking .

ninah · 13/03/2010 12:31

I'm finding I agree with SM1s summary .. however there are exceptions and this thread has found them, let's keep positive!
SM1 like you I have dc most of the time, it is difficult I agree, but a nice chap will work round it with you and on the plus side it does sort out the genuine blokes from chancers

aseriouslyblondemoment · 13/03/2010 12:53

ninah what's going on now?
and i see that you've joined the dumping thread too?!

Dollytwat · 13/03/2010 14:13

The younger man called last night to say that he'd thought about what I'd said about not wanting to get married again or have any more children, and that he'd taken it on board. So that's that one over! First date for 3 years too.

So, I don't know what to do now, not sure I can face internet dating. I've tried POF and never met anyone I liked. Anyone got any tips on some better sites?

aseriouslyblondemoment · 13/03/2010 14:45

whereabouts in the country are you?

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