are all online-dating sites full of utterly unsuitable men?

[IvanaPavlov]

I have recently put my profile on two free dating sites.

Brilliant respose - I received lots of messages and winks. The problem is, the only men who actually live locally are old or really unattractive. I feel so shallow, but I'm only 34 and not bad looking (so I'm told) and just can't imagine going on a date with someone much older or someone I find a bit repellant!

I'd like a friendship/fun relationship with someone but just don't know how to find the right man. I keep getting told - 'it'll just happen' - and feel like screaming!!! It won't just happen will it? I have 2 kids so don't get out much. When I do, it's on girls' nights out with my married friends. I look younger than my years which means if I do get approached it's by blokes in their twenties (too young).

Total crush on man at work who's hooked up with someone (no kids) else and I feel so envious.

I'm ranting now, sorry. Just feel miserable. So sick of the obsession with Valentine's Day on all the TV shows at the moment.

Thanks for reading! Any advice?

have never used a free site tbh
but saying that whatever site you use you will get losers/chancers messaging as well as total munters, and, even worse still, old married men
think the worst example i had was a 65yr old married bloke pestering me
it's mostly funny tbh but i have to admit to being bloody fed-up of it after a while
are there any settings you can use to stop the undesirables?
it might also be worthwhile taking another look at your profile/pic and see what message you're actually sending out about yourself
certain words give certain men the wrong idea!
and agreed it's difficult to meet anyone when all your friends are married
but it's worth perservering with i promise you
i used one site on/off for about 7 months before i met my now dp,dated about 6 other blokes too
also it might be worth bearing in mind that pics don't always do a person justice!

different sites are better for different areas too. up in scotland its the free ones as we're too tight not bothered about the stigma surrounding internet dating. i tried one particular paying one and there were only half a dozen men on it within a 10 mile radius. but that same one was what provided asbm with her fabulous dp if i'm not mistaken.

and agree... sometimes they look alot better in RL. sometimes worse. but you wont know unless you meet.

so if you think someone is so-so... but has a great personality. it does no harm to go and grab a coffee and see if there is a wee spark

at asbm.

was expecting you'd chip in juicy lol

yep ivana what juicy has said makes alot of sense
she is the scottish pof queen after all!!

i have hung up the crown for the moment

ivana i'm not active on the site as seeing whats happening with someone i met from POF

Hi

I've just registered here on mumsnet for the first time. I'm here in my capacity as 'Auntie' as I'm currently giving sanctuary to my brother and his toddler son from an abusive partner - so I'm just using this site to research for info.

Anyway - back to the original post. I, too, joined several internet dating sites. TBH the free sites get alot of rubbish and timewasters on it. I met my partner (been with him for 2 and a half years now!) through Parship. Parship was the first site that I came across that I felt sorted the wheat from the chaff. It uses psychometric testing meaning there's about 70 questions to answer but the quality of the matches that came back was brilliant. I met 2 guys off that site, when I met No2....that was it! The other thing I like is that there are no photos on display until you choose to reveal - no judging a book by the cover.

Parship can seem expensive - dont automatically renew subscription then they'll come back to you with a discount or free months.

Good luck!

BG

Thanks for the replies - made me feel much better. I think I'm just expecting to do a search on one of these sites and come up with Mr Perfect straight away. I know this isn't very realistic though.

I'm sure some of these men are nicer in the flesh. There just seems to be so many dodgy ones though - I automatically delete messages from anyone who uses the following 'endearments' -

'babes'
'hun'
'gorgeous'

The worst message I've had was 'U got beatifull face' - charmed, I'm sure...

N'mind though. I'll just leave profile up there and check in now and then. You never know, Mr Perfect might sign up next week?

P.S. what's POF stand for?

BanquoGhost - thanks for the advice re. Parship.

I'm wondering if I'm too tight to sign up to a fee-paying site!

I'll do some googling!

pof = plenty of fish

agree with ignoring those charming endearments.

we like ones the can read, write, spell and use a good range of vocabulary.

and why not message/wink some yourself.

all my really fab dates/boyf came from me initiating contact

Ok, Juice, I'll do it...I'll get winky.

Update:
Just been on one of the free sites and a nice man who is local has sent me a couple of messages. He looks nice and I like his profile.

Concerns:
He is 46 (bit too old)
He left his phone number in the message (too forward?)

What shall I do???

Oh and by the way - I'm in Scotland too! We're not all tight although I will say my OH's an Aberdonian - and they are tight!! He did part with one month's subscription and got me!!

Plus I've just got myself out of massive debt (took me 5 years) but I knew I had to have fun too!!

Quality over quantity!

how many messages had he sent before giving you his phone number?

and hmmm.. age depends. does he look 46? if you look younger than your age? and he looks older. it could look like going out with your dad [blsuh]

i'm not one to talk. there was 25 yr age gap between myself and dc dad!!

He looks in his 40s and if I'm honest I look more like I'm in my twenties. Please don't think I'm boasting, I get asked for ID all the time!

He sent me 1 message then another in which he gave me his number and asked me to text to let him know when I'd be online. He also lives in the town where I teach at a high school. What if he has kids in my class???

ignore that he gave you his phone number. by all means save it. but perhaps just keep the contact via email till you find out if he has kids in your class etc. just keep it casual. ask if he has kids and what ages. that kinda thing like you would normal ask when finding out about someone

A huge resounding YES from me - but I'm biased! Think your view probably depends on whether you've met anyone you like or not - and that probably depends on your age/location/willingness to accept men who might not meet all your expectations etc