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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Exp's new girlfriend gave my 3 year old a LOT of bubblegum

18 replies

colditz · 20/10/2009 00:55

Which he ate.All of it. As in SWALLOWED.

I don't want to have to veto things while exp has the kids, but he left the children with her for 3 hours while he moved house, and in those 3 hours the boys got plied with sweets and bubblegum and ds2 came back with a horrible nappy rash (which I'm not blaming her for, as he does occasionally get these)

How can I step in and effectively say "She clearly hasn't got a fucking clue and isn't fit to have sole charge of children" without having to actually say that? And are there and harmful effects of bubblegum I should be aware of?

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 20/10/2009 10:25

he will be fine - it will come out the other end.

depends how you get on with exP - but ask calmly if she could lay off the sweets a little.

but it risks becoming a big issue out of proportion.

Original poster

colditz · 20/10/2009 10:42

I know. That's why I didn't really want to have to mention it!

They are only sweets, but if she's going to stuff them with sweets every week (and according to ds1 they had a whole packet of bubble gum each, plus a giant 4 inch diameter lollipop, and a packet of rainbow drops, and some pick and mix) it's going to be a problem when I get them back 3 hours later. And I'd rather not spend every Sunday with ds2 with diarrhoea (which he did have) and Ds1 in a foul tempered sugar crash (which he did have).

It's not her or the ex who has to deal with the consequences, you see.

OP posts:

notnowbernard · 20/10/2009 10:43

I'd say what you just said in your last post (about the sugar crash etc)

It's a very reasonable request, IMO, to ask them to simply reduce the amount of sweets etc, not ban it entirely

GypsyMoth · 20/10/2009 10:45

is she a very new gf? sounds like she was trying to either win them over or keep them quiet.

why did he move on his access weekend? could he have not changed his weekend or something?

pleasechange · 20/10/2009 10:49

oh that's quite a lot of sweets - think you should try to gently ask exp if he could lay off just so many. Difficult situation though

ilovebiscuits - not necessarily easy to fit a moving date around access visits though!

Original poster

colditz · 20/10/2009 10:49

His housing situation has been a bit desperate, also he has the boys every Friday night until Saturday teatime.

She is a new girlfriend, and I am reluctant to rock the boat because the children seem to really like her. This means I don't want her to get pissed off with 'children's mother demands', dump the ex and leave him open to date a complete twat who won't like my children!

I think it's a winning them over thing. She's 22 and childless, it's the sort of thing I'd have done before I had children, I just hope she's not as arrogant as I was at 22!

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 20/10/2009 10:52

i guessed she would be young. winning them over with sweets. its hard then,hopefully your ex can speak to her

stealthsquiggle · 20/10/2009 10:57

I think a very deep breath and a very gentle - 'you had no reason to know this but they don't react too well to so much sugar - perhaps you could choose something else next time' is called for - it is the first offence, after all...

Original poster

colditz · 20/10/2009 11:08

I haven't actually met her. I don't want my first sentence to be "Oi, lay off the crap!"

Would a carefully worded note be better?

Or even better, a carefully worded note dictated to my six year old?

Or a suggestion that sweets such as munchies (one packet) don't upset their tummy at all.

OP posts:

Ledodgy · 20/10/2009 11:09

I would tell them you were worried because it is a choking risk.

Original poster

colditz · 20/10/2009 11:17

That won't stop the sheer quantity though!

OP posts:

stealthsquiggle · 20/10/2009 11:31

I would go for a very carefully worded note - starting with a positive (the DC had a great time with her) ending with positive (looking forward to meeting her?) and with a gentle 'lay off the crap' in the middle?

Ledodgy · 20/10/2009 11:32

Oh I was on about the bubble gum not the sweets.In that case choking and teeth.

CarGirl · 20/10/2009 11:39

I think if you say something how about a very very carefully worded note to your ex.

The dc really enjoyed their time with z as you moved house but unfortunately they were unwell the next day from having had too many sweets (then mention why). I know it wasn't on purpose but I was hoping that you could keep the quantity a bit lower as they were really quite poorly the next day.

Very tricky though isn't it? What and see what happens next time and hope it was a one off. Or mention it in a jokey way the next time they are collected - "i'm sure they won't want as many sweets this time as they were so unwell after the last lot, kids eh, they'll never learn"

ElenorRigby · 20/10/2009 19:33

colditz, I'm a step mum and I am horrified that your ex's gf gave your 3yo son chewing gum. That's so not on
Maybe write to you ex spelling out clearly you view this as a child well being issue.

Surfermum · 20/10/2009 19:48

It does sound like she was just trying to be nice. I think I'd be inclined to leave it this time but mention it nicely if it's a regular occurrence.

Letters or emails seem quite formal to me and it's hard to get your intention over. You may think you've worded it nicely but it's not necessarily received that way.

Why don't you start to get to know her first? You might find that she'd welcome some advice, you might find that she realises what she did and has been thinking "shit he swallowed the bubblegum" and worrying about it. But I do think that if your first interaction is "oi lay off the crap" (and I don't get the impression that you would put it quite like that!) it might not get your relationship off on the best footing.

By the way dd swallowed her first bubblegum -and was absolutely fine (and never wanted it since!).

mmrred · 20/10/2009 22:05

Honestly? Longer contact so they DO have to deal with the consequences.

If you want her on side and she's only 22 (OMG) I'd write a note saying how much your kids like her, thanks for all her care of them during the move, and not to let them pull the wool over her eyes, they're only allowed x amount of sweets.

Lets face it, you can't veto things whilst they are in Dad's care, so keep her on side.

preggersplayspop · 20/10/2009 22:14

My teeth are knackered from chewing bubble gum constantly when I was younger. The dentist told me it was the worst possible thing I could have done as your teeth are basically then sitting in a pool of acidic saliva which eats away at them. I wouldn't want my children chewing bubble gum because of my experience.

She sounds like she's just trying to be nice to them, but in a misguided kind of way.

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