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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Need advice on divorce please.

11 replies

mpuddleduck · 28/09/2009 00:48

My h moved away 4 months ago and is wanting to move our seperation forward and start divorce settlement soon, he says it will be a simple 50/50 split of our savings (no house involved). We had been married for 17 years and have 4 children.
Is it really that simple?

OP posts:

Madascheese · 28/09/2009 06:25

Hi there,

You can do it through mediation and agreement if you agree, don't be too scared of that. You can get a free advice session from a solicitor once you see what he is proposing and there are good advice sites on line to help you do it yourself - might be worth checking out www.wikivorce.com

Good luck and I really hope it's amicable for you.
xMad

mamas12 · 28/09/2009 08:54

No it's not that simple.
You need to make your own enquiries and not be told by him what is what.
You may think he is making sense and being nice but when it comes to this kind of thing watch out.
I got burned when I thought I was dealing with a 'reasonable' business guy.

aseriouslyblondemoment · 28/09/2009 10:56

yes i second all of the above
i would def.seek out the advice of a good family law solicitor who will tell you what's what and you should be able to get this first sess free.
ok so there isn't a house to sell,but you need to consider the full implications of rehousing yourself and your 4 children 50/50 won't cover that!
also consider what will happ.if you're children decide to go onto further education and all the related costs which this incurs
also pension and private medical cover etc
mediation is a sensible route to take IMHO as it raised lots of issues for me which i hadn't previously considered.
good luck

Original poster

mpuddleduck · 28/09/2009 21:10

Thank you for your replies, I did think maybe it all sounded too simple.
Mediation might be difficult as he has got himself a job at the other end of the country,he has only been to see the children once since he left.
He is suggesting we use the same solicitor but I'm not sure we could do that either.
I'm off now to look at wickivorce.

OP posts:

FredaMare · 29/09/2009 07:20

no solicitor should/would agree to represent both sides - it's a conflict of interest.

if no children were involved, 50/50 would be fair. But as children are involved, their care has to be taken into account. It would be more the norm for the split to be 60/40 of total assets (savings, pension, provision for future earnings etc) in favour of the resident parent. There is also maintenance - 15% of gross earning for first child, 5% each for each of the others.

like the others have said, you need proper advice from a good solicitor. Don't take anything at face value. My ex always had his "reasonable" head on whenever we discussed finances. In truth, he was trying to secure his own financial position at my (and our DC's) expense.

Original poster

mpuddleduck · 29/09/2009 22:59

Thank you FredaMare, I will wait to hear with interest what response he gets from the solicitor he is going to approach.

Iam coming to the conclusion that I will need to get My "reasonable" head on in the interest of my children.

If it was just me I wouldnt want a penny and would be happy to start over again, but the more responses I read here the more, the more I think I need to seek that proper advice and the more scary the future sounds.

My H has already mentioned he wants to buy himself a property.

I have had contact with WA, I think I will give them another ring tomorrow and ask for some more advice.

OP posts:

elastamum · 01/10/2009 18:39

try to find a solicitor who is a member of resolution as they are likely to go for an amicable setlement if at all possible. Dont give up everything too easily as you have the children to consider and are likely to end up much worse off than you were (most women do) Get your solicitor to advise what is a reasonable setlement. 50:50 but you get the children to support isnt really a fair deal for you. Good luck!

Monty100 · 02/10/2009 23:51

Just don't spend the savings on legal advice. It depends how much savings are/is involved ifyswim. My twat xh was quite prepared to break me and him financially just to make his point in court, but was pretending to me that he was amicable blah blah. Never trust them.

It cost a fortune! (Well, to me anyway).

Think in your own time. Don't rush.

Best of luck. (onwards and upwards emoticon)

OrangeFish · 03/10/2009 18:25

17 years, 4 children. 50/50? No way, unless you both earn the same salary, have the same pensions and end up having the children in a 50/50 basis.

OrangeFish · 03/10/2009 18:27

BTW I have spent thousands of pounds being "reasonable" with exh, if I had got the court involved from the beginning things would have been settled long time ago and without so much solicitor expenses.

So, what works for some, may not for others.

So even if you decide to get to mediation, get well informed first, you may end up amicably agreeing to rip eah other off , without noticing.

Original poster

mpuddleduck · 04/10/2009 00:49

Having the children on a 50/50 basis - sorry orangefish I had to laugh, he has seen them twice since he left in May, both times they were still in my care, oops sorry, he did take the two middle ones to the beach alone for an hour.
I still havent had time to look into my situation yet, but will definately not agree to anything until I have looked into things in more detail.

OP posts:

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