I am soooooo angry at him - letting DD down again

[shoptilidrop]

Honestly - i am fuming.
He was meant to be having DD this weekend....
he sent a TEXT at 9.30 this morning when he was meant to be picking her up at 10am. It said, i wont be coming today, i am ill.
ARRRGGGGHHHHH.
Fucker!
I had just started packing DDs stuff and she was excited. I phoned him and he said he had flu.. when i asked him what did he think i did when i was ill, he didnt answer and just told me my voice was giving him a headache and hung up.

I called him back and made him tell DD that he wasnt coming and why he wasnt coming, he then had a go at me as it was apparently cruel. I dont think so, why should i do his dirty work and tell her, he lets her down her should tell her himself.

Also im annoyed as i told a days holiday from work yesterday as DD was tired and i wanted to have a quiet at home day with her before she went to her dads.... so thats now wasted... and also i had lots of plans made for this weekend, including a few dates and now ive had to cancel everything.

God - its all so bloody unfair.

Very unfair!

I agree with you, what do mums do when they are unwell? they cant just give there children up because they have flu. we still have to look after our children.

Men think they can get away with everything!

When he next wants to have her say NO IM BUSY WITH HER THIS WEEKNED. make it difficult for him, he has messed your plans up so say he can have her then say no half an hour before he is meant to get her!

Dont tell your daughter that he is comeing to get her but tell him he can have her then say NO Just before he is meant to collect her.

ARRRGGGHHH MEN!

Bastard.

Don't do what roxy suggested and start playing games, just protect your DD by not telling her he is coming until he is actually on the doorstep, then she won't be let down.

oh hun, like I said - you should come over tomorrow, spend the day with us I feel really sorry for your DD - she and you deserve better babe x

but what do you do about a dad who flatly refuses to be consistent, even with formalised arrangements? It was turning me into a fairly grumpy mummy week after week, for months on end- no good for DD. I needed to be certain, just once for my own sanity, with plenty of notice, whether contact would take place or not, and the only way I could do that was to make sure it didn't. I gave a weeks' notice (he normally gives me about an hour) and just said DD had been invited to a family party. I feel a lot better for it, DD had a lovely weekend with my family, and now I feel ready for another year of arsiness and absences from her dad.

Remember he cannot be forced to attend arranged contact, no matter how formal, although you can be penalised for frequently preventing contact.

I never tell DD she is going to see her dad, as she gets upset if such general plans don't turn out.

I always assume that contact won't happen, though apart from this once I've never stopped it, that way I'm always prepared with a back up plan, re activities, babysit.

I wouldn't dream of telling him that I had made or was making plans for myself at that time, as he would take too much joy from preventing me from 'enjoying myself' with his last minute excuses.

I wouldn't get involved in playing games with him either.

I wouldn't necessarily wait till the last minute to tell her he was coming either - this would have upset my two.

You can't make him come. He does need to understand that a contact arrangement is not like a job, you can't phone in sick. I think you need to sit down with him in the evening away from DD and explain to him calmly that it is his responsibility to sort out cover for times when DD is at his and he is sick or busy. If he can't understand that then you need to restrict his contact a bit so that he has less responsibility for her.

That's what i think anyway.