he's defied the judge

[beenaroundtheblock]

So, we went to court last Friday and amongst other things, X h rubbished DS's nursery (which I pay for) to the Judge, saying it was detrimental to his development. Judge stated clearly in court that he would not order a review of the nursery, as after speaking to us both, he saw it as a positive part of DS's life. I have now been told by the manager at the nursery that X h's solicitor has written to them for information about my DS. Can I stop the nursery providing this information? (X h has parental responsibility). If not, can I ask for a copy of the letter they send to him so that I can pass it to my solicitor? Please help.

Why would you want to stop this information being passed on? Is it something specific? I'd presume that the request was out of genuine interest for your son- which is generally a good thing. Bit strange that the request came from his solicitor though and not directly from him. I think the nursery has an obligation to anyone named as having PR, unless a specific court order is in place restricting communication.

the solicitor doesn't have PR tho do they? so no,the ex can request it himself!!

secretaries will see the info before any solicitor. they shouldn't have access to it. sounds like he's looking for some written proof to discredit the nursery,to back up his arguments?

Yes Tiffany he is looking to discredit the nursery. He doesn't work. I do and I pay all the bills. He wants DS with him all the time I work (day and night) so I will only see him 2 days a week. This includes pulling DS out of nursery, which is really helping him with his development. DS is 3 and loves being at creche. He has lots of friends and is really settled. So are you suggesting that solicitors have no authority to ask for information on behalf of parent as they don't have PR? Thanks, I think you have answered my question....

well i'm not sure if they can or can't....just seems sensible to say no. they can't request medical records,criminal etc...has to be court ordered.

wouldn't be happy with all and sundry seeing stuff about my kids.

They are obliged to provide him with information about his child as he has PR. THerefore they should agree, they can say that it will be sent to his home address as it is private and confidential however they have no control with how it is used from there.

Yes you can ask for a copy of any reports, I doubt you can ask for a copy of any letters though (as they would also be private IYSWIM).

When this happened to me the nursery wrote back to say that they were prepared to send him copies of any reports that were issued about my dc (which only happens when they leave the nursery to go to school) and they were happy to provide an annual written review of progress within the nursery environment (in the manner of a parents evening type meeting). My understanding is that my nursery offered more than they needed to (which, technically, is just a copy of all reports) but it meant that he was totally put on the back foot as no-one could ask for more than that but it left control completley with the nursery IYSWIM.

How understanding is your nursery?

WRT discrediting them, I don't see how providing information about his son will help, if they comply and behave professionally then it will strengthen your case rather than his. Unless you think they are going to forward a long list of trips to A&E (or whatever) then do not fight this, it makes you and the nursery look like you are hiding something!

WRT people who do not have PR asking for things, a solicitor can if they have authority from someone who does have PR. The firm are acting on behalf of your ex and so are within their rights provided your ex did not say "don't ask for info from the nursery" (which I doubt)!

Sorry, just re-read your op... I am now not sure what you mean, do you mean they hacve asked the nursery for a report on your ds in general (like list of questions about his well-being, how happy he is etc etc)?

To re-iterate, he can ask for a copy of all reports produced and sent/given to you or school etc. Anything more than that (such as a repot into your ds well being) wuld have to come from a court order.

I suggest you get your nursery to do a I said above, write back saying they will, of course, forward copies of all reports issued. Then leave it to them to come back - I bet they don't!

The nursery thing is an information dredging exercise. What he's looking for is any information which will point to DS not developing as he should, any problems or unhappiness.

This would then be seized upon by him & his sol as evidence that the regime is no good for DS and is better off with XH who since he doesn't work is in a better position to care for him.

The dilemma you have immediately is that to try and stop that makes it look like you have something to hide. Personally I'd let it go so it appears all above board and you cannot be accused of being awkward.

More importantly you need to consider your own position. Whilst the law is still quite biased against men, the tide is turning. No longer can a mum expect full residence by virtue of the fact they are a woman.

The "facts" which a court will see is pretty much this. Mum works all hours day and night. DS is left for long periods in a nursery or with friends/relatives. Dad doesn't work and can provide continuity of care.

Lets be honest, if the tables were reversed and the dad worked long hours whilst the mum was a stay at home, would anyone bat an eyelid if the judge said the home environment was better for the child? Of course not.

Oh and before I get lynched for daring to suggest that a working mum not be given full residence because she works, you may want to read this article:

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1209243/The-courts-took-children-away-Im-worki ng-mother.html

Thanks for your responses. His solicitor has provided a whole list of questions about the well-being of DS and if he has integrated into the nursery. He initially objected to him joining the creche and is annoyed that when DS is there, he cannot be in his care (he works part-time, I work full-time). He calls nursery schools 'concentration camps' and has expressed a wish to home educate DS. My surprise is that the Judge refused to order the nursery to provide the information he wants so he has got his solicitor to ask for it.

i have to say,looking at it that way niceguy,doubt dad having care of the child during your working hours would cost as much as nursery! think of the money you could save (god,sounds shallow)but if he isn't working,then he cant be paying maintenence. so this could be a good money saving thing.

personally,if my ex were stable and local,then i'd swallow any lingering hatred for him and take the childcare..really

The care of DS is split as follows - nursery 2 1/2 days, with EXh 2 1/2 days and with me 2 days. There are no overnights. DS has an older sibling (by a previous relationship of mine). EXh moved into his parents home, so shares a house with at least 4 other adults. DS lives in my home and no, he currently pays no maintenance (won't even buy DS a new pair of shoes) but CSA award pending.

Ok, as I said above, if the court has refused to order that information then I would advise the nursery to send back a letter saying

"Of course we are more than happy to provide copies of all written reports to any person with PR. Please could you confirm the address which you would like these to be sent to? We anticipate the next report to be [insert date here - maybe the end of the year if they do yearly reports or the date he is due to leave to start school]. Further, we are happy to confirm that ds is a happy child who is enjoying his time here with us. Kind regards Lovely Nursery"

This more than covers their legal requirements and should put him on the back foot with his enquiries.

So dad now works part time?

Can I ask what your ex is after? Is he after residence or just after a specific point that he doesn't want DS to go to nursery?