Anyone else have a child who was the result of a one night stand/casual sex arrangement?

10 replies

nappyaddict · 09/08/2009 14:37

DS (3.1) hasn't started asking yet but I know it won't be long before he starts asking questions about his father and whilst I don't want to lie I'm not really sure what to say to him.

OP posts:

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 09/08/2009 14:39

Hmm. Tough one. You could try the 'love affair' route but it depends on how much/little contact he has with his father.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 09/08/2009 14:42

To be honest, the relationship I had with ds's father wasn't a brief, intimate thing but he's never asked. I have explained that some relationships are not ment to be to him though. How do you know your little one will want to know?

MollieO · 09/08/2009 14:55

Depends on whether he sees his father.

Fluffy I think you are lucky. Ds has been asking very detailed questions about his father since he was 2. He goes through phases, nothing for months then another list of questions appears.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 09/08/2009 15:00

ds very rarly mentions his dad. He never lived with us so it's always been ds and I, his dad moved to another country about 6 years ago now, he has minimal contact (emails every now and again, comes to see ds once a year), ds never asks to phone him or to go and see him. I do offer to take him or let him use the phone to call him/write to him. Ds is a real mum's boy, I don't think it's right that he thinks so much of me and not of his father though but I can't say I blame him though.

Original poster

nappyaddict · 09/08/2009 15:21

DS has no contact at all with his father. Mollie Does yours?

OP posts:

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 09/08/2009 15:33

I'd be tempted to say that you were not together for very long (you don't have to give specifics), things didn't work out between you and you were both really unhappy together.
I'm not sure what to say about the rest though.

beenaroundtheblock · 09/08/2009 20:35

My ds was the result of a casual relationship when I was 19 (I am now almost 60). I haven't seen his natural father since just after conception - my ds is now almost 40yrs old. He was brought up in a loving home with myself, my dh and his siblings (from this marriage). He has a good job, a wife and children of his own. He was always told he was born before we met. Yes, he did ask questions as he was going through his teens, but I told him the truth and this was sufficient for him. He is a happy, well-adjusted young man which I attribute to the fact that myself and the family were all open about the past and we all loved him.

oldraver · 09/08/2009 20:41

My DS 3.7 has no contact with his father at all (his choice) and so far he hasnt asked about a Daddy at all. He is aware of the word 'Dad' and that other children at pre-school have Daddy pick then up but he doesn't appear to have any realisation of what this means.

I will obviously answer his questions as honestly as I can when he brings the subject up but I am planning on just playing it by ear as to what I tell him. I had hoped it could be put off for as long as possible as I think the older he is the more he would understand ( I'm not thinking way ahead just that I would prefer to explain when he is 5 instead of 3 1/2 IYNWIM). DS's speach and understanding has really toom off in the last 6 months so I'm very surprised he hasnt asked yet

TotalChaos · 09/08/2009 20:45

as someone who was the result of a brief unsuccessful relationship and had no contact with their father - I would say that how you say it is as important as what you say - i.e. that you don't present the situation as in anyway shameful, and give a brief honest answer, without giving the impression that the situation is too upsetting to discuss

oldraver · 09/08/2009 20:58

Good advice TotalChaos. One thing I am very certain of is that DS will know that having him was a very positive thing

Flip