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Original poster

please help me get through my first night alone

98 replies

Titania · 18/05/2005 19:43

The eldest 2 kids are in bed. ds2 wont be long going and I am dreading it. I don't know what to do with myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Titania · 20/05/2005 13:06

oh yes...i understand what you are all saying. IF i was to let him back it would certainly have to be on my terms and my terms only, but 90% of me doesn't want him back. I suppose sometimes just can just stay with someone out of habit and for the fact that you are married to them adn had children with them. The 10% thats telling me to take him back is for the fact that the kids would miss him. I know what its like not to have a a father around. I know its not excuse but its the only thing putting doubt in my mind. I think he is scared though that I have to power to tell him to go now....

OP posts:
noddyholder · 20/05/2005 13:06

I have followed your story but don't post but I really think you need to deal with this off mumsnet now as violence is serious but you are unwilling to take a stand against him mistreating you I had a friend in a similar situation years ago and it ended in tragedy so that is why I decided to post He needs to sort out his violence and you need to sort your problems out and if then you still want him back that would be the time to try

Original poster
Titania · 20/05/2005 13:08

101 I do NOT enjoy it at all. But doesnt everyone have doubts about everything? I am sure you did......

OP posts:
tamum · 20/05/2005 13:09

I think 101StressPuppy's post was harsh, but exactly what you need to hear. If 90% of you doesn't want him back then go with that. Don't be dictated too by the other 10%, that would be ridiculous. Your children will cope without him being around every day; they will not cope with seeing you abused.

noddyholder · 20/05/2005 13:10

there is no if you have let him back I agree with 101 I don't think you enjoy the abuse from him but I think you get off on the attention you get here Sorry

101StressPuppy · 20/05/2005 13:10

AAAARRRRGHHHH I feel like grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking you!

He is back, all he needed was a foot in the door.

And just for the record, no dad (or a new dad) is better than an abusive one. Don't you care what you are showing your children? what baggage you are giving them that they will have to carry for the rest of their llives??

you should be leaving for your children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have to go befor eI break something

Original poster
Titania · 20/05/2005 13:10

Shock Sad

OP posts:
noddyholder · 20/05/2005 13:10

full stop after if!

Blu · 20/05/2005 13:12

T - I think you do get to a point where the fug suddenly clears and it is the right moment for you to do what's right for you. He can have access to the kids. You may find that they blossom once you and they are out from under his control. You will feel so much more confident and free to be a good mother.If you stay 'for the children' you may well be condemning them to something mmuch worse than them missing him. And frankly bringing them up to believe that abusive relationships are the norm is very damaging indeed.

There's a phrase from someone else's thread - 'put your bravers on' - go for it T, and just this once look out for YOU first, foremost, and only.

101StressPuppy · 20/05/2005 13:13

sorry grammer and punctuation bad

WigWamBam · 20/05/2005 13:26

101's post might have seemed a bit harsh, Titania, but she's right. Please listen to her.

101StressPuppy · 20/05/2005 13:29

I have created a thread for you - look at it.

it asks you to make a choice. I want you to make a decision! it's empowering

katierocket · 20/05/2005 13:30

the expression "head" and "brick wall" springs to mind

Lonelymum · 20/05/2005 13:34

Could someone please show me where T said her dh was abusive to her? I have missed that bit of this story.

Enid · 20/05/2005 13:35

ground hog day...again...

HappyMumof2 · 20/05/2005 14:02

Message withdrawn

tamum · 20/05/2005 14:04

I can't remember the thread LM, but he raped her.

HappyMumof2 · 20/05/2005 14:05

Message withdrawn

Lonelymum · 20/05/2005 14:11

here

Lonelymum · 20/05/2005 14:11

Tamum

SoupDragon · 20/05/2005 14:12

Yes T, take charge of your life. It's your life, start living it.

Janna · 20/05/2005 16:10

well i'm not going to tell you 'you should leave him, not leave etc as I frimly believe its a choice you have to make completely by yourself without anyone else. I have no doubt that your dh treats you like shit and that you have l0ads of problems which you eventually you will have to face one way or another someday. I let my exp come back time, after time I listened to his lies and his excuses until finally I saw the light and that was it. But it was MY choice and I felt stronger for making that choice. I had a good friend who had been through a similar sort of thing and she said no matter how many people tell you what to do at the end of the day you have to see the light for yourself.
Feel free to ignore me most people on here do anyway!!

stitch · 21/05/2005 18:06

oh god.............
titania, you dont have the strentgh to have him around right now.
i agree with stresspuppy, you need to help yourself.
are you financially dependant on him? if not, why do you need him?
go out. have an affair. get some self respect back..
we are here to support you, but only you can help yourself.

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