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Original poster

please help me get through my first night alone

98 replies

Titania · 18/05/2005 19:43

The eldest 2 kids are in bed. ds2 wont be long going and I am dreading it. I don't know what to do with myself.

OP posts:
Libb · 18/05/2005 22:59

sleep on the sofa, you will no doubt keep an ear out for the kiddies anyway. I think you need to indulge yourself the small things and not worry about the "proper" methods in that sense.

I have just become a single parent too and I have taken to asserting my presence a bit more, it is scary but nice to see him just go "oh right, you are out on the razz then?", "yep, I am! give DS a big kiss and tell him I love him"
We have a weird situation because we have no choice but to share at the moment - no family, no friends, no money and no escape. We cling on to the "old style" relationship for the sake of DS. It has dawned on me personally that I will have a better social life now because we won't be obliged to do the couple thing, we will babysit for each other as and when.

I think you will have a great social life once you see how relaxing it can be. xxxxx

darlingbud · 18/05/2005 22:59

you can fart and belch though if you want T.

I also fnd that TV in bed distracts me and I also manage to fall asleep watching it every night too. do you have little portable or a tv in the bedroom.

nightowl · 18/05/2005 23:02

was going to try and give you some words of wisdom but then i realised i dont even remember the first night exp left. just proves that you get over it though. xx

Libb · 18/05/2005 23:02

I realise that my post sounds flippant - I guess I am just excited about my own forthcoming independence, if you like you can share it with me and we shall be strong together xxx

LGJ · 18/05/2005 23:03

Did I mention NO SNORING

I am going to bed soon , Good night and God bless.

darlingbud · 18/05/2005 23:05

mee too - v tired - still in training on new job and its a killer.

Original poster
Titania · 18/05/2005 23:06

i do all of them apart from the scratching balls Well I do now anyway!

No Libb your post doesnt sound flippant at all. I can see where you are coming from. Take care hun x x

Yes darlingbud I have a tv/dvd in my room.......awww.......MY room.... might have to watch phantom of the opera...AGAIN!!......

OP posts:
Original poster
Titania · 18/05/2005 23:07

better go anyway. got ice on my eyes they are so sore! Looks like ive been boxing...

Night night all x x x

OP posts:
darlingbud · 18/05/2005 23:09

my room - how lovely - all yours to do in what you want.

Why not watch comedy or something lighthearted. A good laugh lifts sprits. Is true. The endorphins laughter produces makes us feel a better.

right - really going now. Bye hun. speak to you tomorrow. let us know how you get on.

Original poster
Titania · 18/05/2005 23:09

will do. Night x x

OP posts:
LGJ · 18/05/2005 23:10

Good night

LGJ

meggymoo · 18/05/2005 23:11

Message withdrawn

Libb · 18/05/2005 23:13

sweet dreams in YOUR room xxxx

Magscat · 19/05/2005 06:55

HI Titania. How you feeling now? Hope you got some decent kip & feel a bit brighter. I guess it's all one step at a time.
Come back again tonight/today if it helps.

Big Hugs

cadbury · 19/05/2005 08:28

Hi T. Just checking in to see how you are doing. Hugs,
cadders xxxxxxxxxx

darlingbud · 19/05/2005 20:57

Titania - how did you get on - sorry if you have posted seperate thread but not seen one.

PaigeMorgan · 20/05/2005 12:07

hi t

ive only just read ur messages .my ecx was very similar and still tries it.

heres some ideas.

it is YOUR room, just yours, so re paint it move the furniture around, get rid of/change the bedding and curtains.

Relax. hes gone. you can do what u want when u want how u want.

pamper urself and failing that get a babysitter and dance around ur living room singing along to loud music.

work out what u want to do- college, work, free time

sort out ur goals , itll make u feel soooooo much better. believe me

DO NOT

text him
phone him
email him
contact him in any way shape or form untill u feel ready to manage without losing control and returning it to him.

gOOD LUCK
AND LET US KNOW HOW UR DOING

XX

Original poster
Titania · 20/05/2005 12:13

I let him come back last night to talk and he ended up staying. He said his mum was driving him mad, which I can appreciate cos shes been round here non stop ever since he went.... OK i know i know....i caved in.....but I made him sleep on the sofa though and he wasn't allowed anywhere near me, and I still carried on doing my own thing as though he wasn't there....which felt really odd but still. He did his own tea and washing and I did mine.... A lot of things we said last night by both of us. I told him that I'm not 'in love' with him anymore. He said he didn't care. He would rather be with me like that than not see me again. He also said that he was sorry.,that he had been awful to me snd didn't realise how ill and low i have been feeling. He says he wants to help me. He said that he understands that I have a lot of other issues to deal with before I even start to think about him, but that he would still like to be here to help me in any way that I want. He hasn't come anywhere near me, which I know he finds hard, but I prefer it to be that way....especially at the moment. Right now I still don't know what to think. Part of me still wants to give him a cuddle but right now I think that would just confuse things for me even more, so I have resisted. He has agreed for us to go and see a marriage counsellor, which I was really shocked about.....he seemed so against it in the past. I think now he is starting to realise how easy it would be to lose me.....but he said that if at any point I want him to leave or need some space then he will respect that. He said that he is pleased I am at last getting the proper medical help that I need and that my main priority should be getting better, then resolving my issues and lastly him. I don't know what to make of it all....or even to believe him.....sigh......why is it all so difficult....nothing is ever straight forward.

I still don't really know what to do, though I am appreciating the help from him at the moment....(but not telling him that!!!)

OP posts:
101StressPuppy · 20/05/2005 12:47

If you take him back you will be making a hugh mistake and everything you've done in the last few days will have been a waste of time.

SoupDragon · 20/05/2005 12:50

What did he say about the violence you've talked about before?

Original poster
Titania · 20/05/2005 12:56

i told him that i will never forgive him for that....regardless of what he does or says. He know that it was wrong. I have told him he needs to get help and he agreed

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 20/05/2005 12:58

If you can never forgive him then there is no future, surely? It would be bubbling away in the background waiting to erupt. Resentment, guilt and a lack of trust won't make a happy relationship.

LGJ · 20/05/2005 12:58

T

There are only two people in a marriage and you have to decide what is right for you. You found the strength once to kick him into touch, and if he steps out of line you must regain that inner strength.

Be strong.

Blu · 20/05/2005 13:02

Titania, sorry, but I feel very strongly that he is just using a new tack to control and manipulate you. How can he possibly say he didn't realise how low you were, he rescued you from a suicide attempt! Look at the things that happened SINCE that. Are you to suppose that he has had a change of heart because his Mum irritates him, whereas everything you have been through in the last few months WASN'T enough to change his level of support and understanding for you? Please!

I understand that you feel vulnerable at the moment, but think of him as a venus fly trap - luring you in. If you fall for it, you've had it.

101StressPuppy · 20/05/2005 13:02

Then you are destined for a life of perpetual physical and mental abuse. You will continue to suffer from depression and he will continue to manipulate and abuse you.

Seeking help on here is a waste of time as you are not prepared to help youself. You almost seem to enjoy the pathetic attention he shows you through his abuse.

Having being in an incredibly abusive relationship before I am angry and frustrated at you. Any happinmess the next few days bring you will be short lived. He will kill you one way or another (assuming you are being truthful).

FGS why didn't you take control of your life while you had a chance? why didn't you choose life?

It's women like you who make men believe it is ok to treat people in this way and it is mothers who teach their children what to expect in life. Would you want your dd to end up like you? would you want you ds to end up like him.

There would be a man out there who would love you and care for you but you aren't giving them a chance to find you because you're continuing to stay with this pathetic thing who has to prove his manhood to himself by bullying, raping and manipulting you

I chose not to post on your threads anymore. Because I have a choice!

Good luck - you'll need it

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