Xp appears to be losing interest in his son, DS is gutted...

[CKelpie]

So knowing my xp, I always suspected that taking me to court was more of a punish-me tactic than about ds, especially as we agreed contact arrangements very early on via mediation.

Since then he has had me back in court numerous times to try to forced changes that suited him.

The judge has now dismissed our case having refused xp's latest demands and all of a sudden, what had been a full attendance record has dropped to 7 contact weekends out of the last 22.
He text me to say that he wouldn't be collecting ds for the next month and that there was a letter in the post explaining. It will be 10 weeks since he last saw his son and he knows that he only has one more chance before we break up for the summer and he will not see him again til the end of August.

DS has been getting more tense as the weeks pass and is constantly asking 'has he cancelled yet?'. We had proper tears this time and he called xp a 'selfish bitch' .

TBH I couln't care less if xp disappears off the radar but ds wants to see his dad - he is feeling very let down and I am angry for him.

What would you suggest I do about it?

How for ds. Have you been able to tell him that ds is feeling let down by his Dad? And are the ex-ILs on the scene - do they have any influence where ex-h is concerned?

There's a saying, 'you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink'. It's important that your son see's this relationship for what it is, it's going to be painful for him and he'll need your love and support more then ever. He needs to learn who his father is and how crap he is. He needs to learn that it's not his fault but his dad just can't be bothered. Poor mite Just be there for him, lots of cuddles and understanding.

Oh poor love.

I'm not sure there's much you can do, other than hold your poor lad, tell him how much you love him and how much he means to you.

I assume you have told your ex how much he is hurting his son?

Depending on how old your son is, would it be appropriate for him to write a letter to his dad telling him how he feels (no abuse) or do you think your ex will make out that you wrote it?)

Why does he only have one chance between now and August? Why can he not see him during the summer holidays?

Sad fact is, if he's not interested, he's not interested and you can't change that, you can only work on keeping your son's confidence up, making sure he knows it is NOTHING to do with him and that he is loved.

What about DS visiting his paternal grandparents if the Dad fails to show up?

I haven't responded to him yet, he has been giving very plausible reasons so far so I am waiting for the letter to see what the reason is this time. When I get it, I will respond and let him know exactly what he is doing to ds. I doubt my letter will hold much weight and anything ds writes will be considered to be me trying to poison ds against him.

xp has had three chances for holidays with ds (feb half term, easter and may holiday)which he has not even acknowledged with 'no thanks' so I am not prepared to hang on for him and have booked our summer hols as I do every year. DS also spends time with my parents over the summer as they live abroad and it is the only time he gets to spend time with them.

I cannot bring myself to involve the inlaws - when I left xp, his mother told me she was going to make ds hate me. There is no reasoning with them. The GF is very ill as I understand it and the GM seems not quite right. They live about 2 hours away and I really wouldn't trust them to look after him tbh.

Trust me, I am giving DS lots of love and hugs. I even let him get away with swearing about it.

All I can say is, we're related somewhere down the line, it's scary!. I am just Soooo angry reading what you have posted, cos it just brings up everything. What do I do? Get cross like you and hope for an answer! I'm watching! Hugs to you!!!