sunshine tks for your viewpoint. but i tend to align with the others...
his view is we should all be together "mum dad and kids. " and he has said this to the CAFCASS officer. is a very Victorian way of thinking. i doubt any judge will order me to go "back to him"??
some important points here - when i moved out because of his behaviour which was violent agressive abusive and damaging to me/the dcs, i gave him full supervised by me / by childcarer access to kids at our new flat.
but he could not handle it and used the times to threaten ("if we not together i will kill myself" and abuse (violence). scaring the hell out of all of us.
hence we moved to supervised contact at a contact centre (after court hearing etc..)
in july 2007 he attacked our disabled son. i was willing then to believe he was in the middle of a mental breakdown, however he himself told the judge that those events were not psychiatric and he "didnt need to go to psych unit" at the time.
gp and psychiatrist told me time and time again that the violence agression and emotional blackmail are not part of his mental health issues. they cannot be treated unless he recognizes them.
and yes i went to counselling and thru that i believe i came to understand the difference between "mental health" and "abusive relationship"...
(refer also to luncy bancroft - mental health/depression is no excuse!)
he was violent and agressive before he went on anti depressants and during the time he was on anti depressants. it means nothing to say he is off them and "better".
in another part of the recent email he says
"I have been out of antidepressants since beginning of May, previously I
was on just a minimal 10mg for the last six months. All the assessments
I have had, prove that I am okay and no indication of any ideas you
might have thought i could have. I'll make those available to you if you
want
I am trying to do the best that I can. Every day, and every minute. I do
this thinking on my family and my children that I love and I miss
greatly. I try to help others as I can not do this for the people I most
love and I would like to be with; and giving is the most rewarding thing
you can do."
he does not accept what he did. the first judge in oct 2008 suggested he write to the dcs to apologize for his behaviours, specfically for shoving and pushing me, for smashing the door in the flat and for holding us all hostage refusing to leave for two hours...
he wrote "i am sorry i have been depressed but the good news is i am on antidepressants and will get better".
dcs saying that after seeing him at supervised contact sessions they still dont want to be with him alone and they dont want him coming to the flat to pick them up.
i have no doubt that he loves the dcs in a way; but asking me to be there is i think more about "let us all be together again". (so i can control the situation again).
meanwhile eh shows complete lack of repsonsibility eg offers no maintenance for dcs, does not pay all expenses on the joint owned flat he still living in, just ignores any financial separation proposals such that i will have to take it to court. i think he truly believes it will all resolve because i will see the light and return to his "love".
he is a fantasist...to me it feels like i am being stalked. these "hearts and flowers" type messages have alternated with "why are you so neurotic" "why are you doing this to me" text messages/emails.
and dealing with this aspect of mental illness (if it is such) i think means not giving in ...