exPhas invited me to play at supervised contact session

[cestlavielife]

what is he on?

" I would like to invite you to share our playing time at [contact centre], to
make a positive difference a big step forward and to offer them a
joyfull surprise. To show them our love for them."

i had to email him on fiancial issues - short story i moved out with kids becoz of his unpredictable, violent abusive behaviour. mental health issues. he would not accept separation, shoved me and smashed my new flat. now he on supervised contact at contact centre.

he says

I know from [teacher] that [dd3] is "brilliant", she really is special.
Well, our three children are and so are we!

Our children are wonderfully imperfect as you and me are, they came from
the highest expression of love and unselfishness of two people they
loved each other.

They certainly see more than you and me together. They are they way to a
new, to light, change, healing, and happiness.

I would like to invite you to share our playing time at [contact centre], to
make a positive difference a big step forward and to offer them a
joyfull surprise. To show them our love for them.

If you are happy with this, we could ask permission at [contact centre] and
Cafcass and go altogether with [supervisor] to [cafe] and share some time
and sun shine playing at the park near by. Lets make the most of the
tools we got right now

I would like to ask you and think about dd3 birthday in July to positively see and expect differently!
To approach things with a new attitude, so we can be together on her
birthday. Please think, but do not need answer me immediately.

Lets start with what a small and huge step, sharing time with the
children next time playing all together
Please consider this.

so, what is he on?
i moved out april 2008. 14 months ago...have repeated ad nauseum we are separated parents.

I think you are right cestlavie - from his meanderings on that email he is demonstrating that he still hasn't "got" it. Keep going the way you have been, for the DC sakes' as much as your own

sorry, random ' in there - should have been located somewhere around DC.

Cestlavie, Im not a lone parent, Im a mum and "step mum" who has supported my DP through the family courts in the past. Ive met lots of good dads who just want to carry on being loving dads when a relationship breaks down. That sort of dad is child focused. Someone who focuses obsessively on their ex as opposed to the children really rings alarms bells for me.

Try to keep things at arms length, businesslike and polite. My gut feeling is that you need to keep physical and emotional distance from this guy.

Good luck.

It is utterly, utterly irrelevant whether he has changed or not.

(I think you are right in your assessment that he is as dangerous as ever, but be that as it may.)

If Cestlavie does n ot want to see him,she has the right to not want to see him. This bollocks of "what can he say/ do to prove he is a changed man?" Who cares? I don't want to see my ex particularly or have anything other than an arms-length civil relationship with him. I hope he is a changed man, I'd love it if he were emotionally healthy, stable and generally dandy, but it has nothing to do with me if he is, except to the extent that it will be good for my DC's. And anyone who tells me that I ought to try and cultivate a friendly close, fuzzy-boundaried relationship with him, can fuck off. I have the right not to, and Cestlavie has the right to not have a relationship with a man who has abused her in the past and by the sound of it, believes he still has the right to abuse her in the future.

Can I just add those aren't the words I'd expect from someone who had met with God and had a life changing experience either.

There is no humbleness or apology or acceptance of responsibility for his actions.

I don't think I would respond tbh because you can't win with what you say either!

Bravo HerBeatitudeLittleBella!

Yes I really don't get these people on this thread who are so bloody quick to tell the OP that she should be listening to this guy.

The first rule of reconciliation is acknowledgement. There is NO acknowledgement here, none.

No-one is under any obligation to have any dealings with anyone who has been abusive to them and fails to acknowledge and offer to make reparations.

they seem to have their own agenda, HBLB, and it seems to affect reading skill level. Or understanding of what they are reading, one of the two.

I can't see that it is at all helpful to project one's own situation or experience onto the OP as being THE way forward and she MUST do it or she is WRONG, iykwim?

Absolutely, I get ya

I am convinced from reading this that my EX and yours are related/are the same person/or are from the same planet!!!!!!!

.... and it aint planet normal!!!!

Well, having read this cestlavielife ain't my ex and I ain't hers.

More's the pity - neither of us would've as much as hassle in our lives as we seem to have.

too true lostdad. It makes me , and quite a few other emotions when I hear about situations such as yours. Why can't some seperate parents do what is best for their dc. My exh and I co-parent pretty well and it's a win win situation.

Cestlavie he's def not from planet normal is he!