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Original poster

I've just signed up to online dating for the first time. Is it me or ...

30 replies

BloodyBen10 · 15/06/2009 00:15

... are these really people's best photos? Good Lord. OK, I know you (I) shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but this is effectively sales here. I've rummaged around for a decent pic of myself - one that's cheery, fairly natural and in which I look half-decent. Have others actually done this too?

I'm also feeling a bit peeved, since I signed up on a dating site which implied it was exclusively for single parents. But plenty of blokes are coming up in my searches who don't have kids; most of them don't, in fact.

And hardly anyone can spell or write properly.

I'm feeling disheartened already. Am I being an unreasonable, arrogant snob here or is online dating very often a case of looking for a diamond in the rough?

OP posts:
Original poster
BloodyBen10 · 15/06/2009 01:00

... and/or does it also depend on which site you're on? Not being an expert here, maybe I've started with a bit of a dodgy one?

OP posts:
SOLOisMeredithGrey · 15/06/2009 01:05

I've been on many. Met ratface exp on one. I know what you mean about the written English. To me, it separates them into 'interested' and 'not interested'. If they can't write is properly, it's likely they can't speak it properly either...

There are loads of men that don't even bother with any photograph!

SuperBunny · 15/06/2009 01:19

It is disheartening.

I agree with Solo - the ability to write in proper sentences and not use txt spk immediately separates the wheat from the chaff for me.

'Hi Hun, I like ur pic. How r u doin 2day. Wanna chat x'

will not get a response from me, whereas I may reply to,

"Hi, nice photo. How are you? Do you want to chat?"

SuperBunny · 15/06/2009 01:19

Which site are you on?

Janos · 15/06/2009 08:23

First of all I LOVE your user name!

No, it isn't just you and unfortunately there are a lot of the 'Hi hunni wan2 chat u r so sxy' types out there.

There are nice ones out there you just have to be patient.

Something else that puts me off is men that use lots of exclamation marks!!?? and emoticons all over the place. Combined with text speak it's very offputting ??!!! lol!

Janos · 15/06/2009 08:25

Obv I mean men on dating sites. Men don'r run round lolling and emoticonning in real life, as far as I know.

Niceguy2 · 15/06/2009 10:01

Hi BB10

It depends on which site you are on. One site I know of which is marketed as a single parents dating site is actually just a front end. The bulk of the members come from other sites all managed by another company if that makes sense. So you go through your singleparents front end whilst they think they signed up to datingforswingers or something like that.

"Reputable sites" I've found pretty good are www.parentsalready.com and www.datingforparents.com

PlentyofFish (POF) is free and very popular but is shark infested.

I know what you mean about photos though and believe you me, it cuts both ways.

Anyway, good luck on your hunt.

Original poster
BloodyBen10 · 15/06/2009 10:10

Phew. Not just me then. I joined Single With Kids, whose dating area would, I assumed, be for parents only. I think it simply takes users through to an all-kinds-of-singles dating site. Hmph. I quite fancied getting to know single dads - men who've been there, done it and got the parenting T-shirt. Is there a dating site exclusively for single parents?

I'm with you on the shite English. It's a no-brainer for me. If they can't string a sentence together, spell and punctuate properly, I'm having none of it. I wonder if they realise how much of a Big Deal this is for half-intelligent ladies.

I'm 31. Among my friends and the families I know through DS's school, it looks - from the outside, at least - as though all/most decent fellas are spoken for by about now. I don't know any lovely men who are single. A friend said to me the other day that, really, I'm waiting for the second wave - the divorces and deaths. Heartening, eh?

Janos, I'm with you on the exclamation mark fetishism. If these men tried to speak how they write, how ridiculously animated would they sound? And note, only one emoticon in this post - not that I want to date you! (Oops, make that two.)

OP posts:
aseriouslyblondemoment · 15/06/2009 10:12

LMAO
i think it's a bit of a mixed bag regardless of which site you use tbh
one of the most shocking profiles for txt tlk was actually a woman's which a male friend sent onto me to look at and jesus that was excrutiatingly long too
i have never used a parents'site but i'm not surprised to hear that alot of men on there aren't actually parents themselves
really the best way to approach the whole online dating thing is with your gsoh as you will need it
but yes there are some nice men out there too so don't give up just yet!

mrsmortenharket · 15/06/2009 10:16

i was in same about as you bb10, i also assumed that single with kids was for parents only, evrey time i try to read messages, it comes up with please upgrade!

Original poster
BloodyBen10 · 15/06/2009 10:17

Thanks Niceguy2. Ha, maybe that's the same site I signed up with. Swingers alert, then.

Thanks for your tip-offs on good dating sites for parents. Think I'll steer clear of Plenty of Fish.

Oh dear. Sorry to hear the ladies aren't making much of an effort with their pics either. I don't understand it. Of course it isn't all about looks. Really, it isn't. But it does matter: at least some physical attraction is a must in any relationship ... isn't it? God, I hope so.

Happy hunting to you too.

OP posts:
Niceguy2 · 15/06/2009 10:20

Hi BB10, i didn't want to name & shame but yes, thats the site I was referring to.

Its actually all thru a company called whitelabeldating who supply everything and the site just takes a cut.

aseriouslyblondemoment · 15/06/2009 10:22

bb10 i've never used pof but alot of the girls on the 'fit' thread do and swear by it
also it's worth considering that just because there isn't a pic attached doesn't mean that the man is a munter,there are often legit reasons why there are no pics

mrsmortenharket · 15/06/2009 10:31

aarrrggghhh! have just joined parentsalready and they want a bloody caption! what on earth can i put?!!

Original poster
BloodyBen10 · 15/06/2009 10:37

aseriouslyblondemoment, interesting WRT Plenty of Fish. And like you, I have no problem with no photo being posted - other than mild irritation, because it'd be nice to see. I have reservations posting a photo of myself online, so I can understand others not doing it at all. What grates with me is posting a crap photo - especially one which makes the person look like a psychopath. Not encouraging. Do these people not wonder why they (probably) don't get very far?

That's the one, Niceguy2. I just had a nosey on one of the sites you suggested, BTW, and there were men with no kids on there. Hey, can Mumsnet start a decent dating area for parents?

mrsmortenharket, I have no idea I'm afraid. I'm not doing well at getting into this online dating mindset. Seriously need to dust off the old sense of humour, I think. Good luck!

OP posts:
mrsmortenharket · 15/06/2009 10:42

there are also those who will post a photo and then when you eithre meet up or they send a pic via mobile, they don't match in that the pic is clearly a couple of years old!!!

Original poster
BloodyBen10 · 15/06/2009 10:49

I know a guy, the husband of an old friend, who is now pushing 40, rotund and bald. His Facebook photo is from his earlier bodybuilding days, complete with full head of hair, bulging spray-tanned muscles and VERY small pants and nothing else. Sooo misleading.

Well, I have just been winked at by a bloke living 175 miles away, who has no kids. So what's the protocol here? I'm completely new to this. Purely on the basis of his photo(s), I don't fancy him. But he can write properly. He doesn't look like a psychopath. Sounds interesting enough. If you don't like the look of them, do you not bother replying, or send a polite 'no thanks'. I don't want to be rude. Or do you just get chatting to anyone who seems 'all right' and see where it leads? Argh! I could prefer single-dom, methinks - more straightforward.

OP posts:
mrsmortenharket · 15/06/2009 10:58

lol typical male vanity

aseriouslyblondemoment · 15/06/2009 11:02

ohh those pics!
ok hands up i've only ever experienced one decent no pic, but wow when i did see his pic!
and er yes i have had the horror of misleading pics too
omg i couldn't even turn round and run in the opp.direction as he spotted me from across the carpark and was waving at me
that was prob.the most mortifying evening that i've ever spent

aseriouslyblondemoment · 15/06/2009 11:03

i'm even cringing here now as i type

mrsmortenharket · 15/06/2009 11:09

lol

Original poster
BloodyBen10 · 15/06/2009 11:12
Smile
OP posts:
aseriouslyblondemoment · 15/06/2009 11:14

sorry i'm meant to be encouraging you here not putting you off!

Niceguy2 · 15/06/2009 11:42

Hi BB10

I don't think any sites ban members if they dont have kids. Think they take any money they can get. Best thing to do is just not reply or send any messages to those if you aren't interested in anyone without kids.

As for the "protocol". My strong advice is either to reply with a "thanks but no thanks" or simply ignore if you are not interested. Otherwise men will assume you are interested.

Lastly, oh yes if you are internet dating then you will definately need to find that sense of humour!

SOLOisMeredithGrey · 15/06/2009 17:18

I try to always send a reply as I feel rude ignoring their email. I usually say I've actually found someone. I think they get the message and if they don't, then just ignore subsequent messages.

Years ago I've had some horror stories! might even tell you a few one day!