Changing Contact

[becki82]

Hi all,

Im trying to reach an agreement with my sons dad with regards to altering contact. Unfortunately we cant agree and it looks like we heading to court. It boils down to that ive offered a plan for an increase and change (after consulting withsons hv / teacher as well as my sol) and the father feels its unfair and restrictive. Impartial advice please?

Current contact - 1.5 hours at my fathers farm. Son is well aware of who father is - but relationship is soley play - father does not comfort, discipline etc.

We are looking to increase and alter to either a am or pm at fathers home - 20 miles away - once a weekend.

I have proposed the following:
1.Contact first to remain at grandfathers home, but father to take on responsbility for child - allowing child to get used to difference in relationship and the fact that he will be on own with father.

1. Contact to be moved to 2 hours away from home. Allows child to get used to seperation from mother (he is extremely clingy) yet contact period remains similar to level so far.

1. Contact to be gradually increased, depending on sons reaction i.e hours increase each few weeks or so? (i accept if son takes to it really well this probably isnt necessary)

Additionally father wishes handover to be at bus or train station, but i feel this is slighly impractical given current relationship which is why m after step 1

Difficult to say without knowing what the actual points of contention are and the background.

1. How old is your DS?
2. When you say "We are looking to increase and alter...", who's the "we"? Is DS's dad wanting more contact?
3. Your stage 2 says "2 hours away from home" - whose "home" is this? Yours, your father's, or your DS's dad's?
4. Why would a handover in a public place be impractical?
5. What is your DS's dad asking for?

One other thought is that it might be worth suggesting mediation before going to court.

Hi thanks for the response. to answer

DS is almost 4.
Yes DS father is asking for more contact, either 8am until 1pm or 3pm until 7pm. I am not in disagreement with him receiving this contact, i just want it building up to.
it would be aawy from my fathers home - where contact currently (and always has) taken place.
My son suffers quite heavily from seperation anxiety, he is not used to being on his own with father, and even more so not used to me leaving him alone with his father. My concern is that he does not assocaite his father wioth anything other than a play based figure .. and befor ei get shot in flames i accept that for im to do so his father need the oppourtunity to do so, which is why im proposing he takes the responsibliy at home, as i feel for my son to be left in an unfamiliar environment with someone who has never before comforted him, compounded by the fact that he will suffer the anxiety at being left by me, is too much for him too soon, and if he does run off - something he often does with his father, its an extremely dangerous situation.
I would rather that the contact be a pleasurable experience for the pair of them, and feel that introducing it gradually i.e. ensuring my son is comofrtable with his father caring for him in all ways, then moving on to a different environment and then increasing the time would be a better option. Father disagrees and is insiting on moving straight to what he wants.
Meditaion has been deemed a non possible option (my mediator) due to the emotional abuse and intimidation i have and still suffer.