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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

cant do this anymore.... Im bout ready to walk out

67 replies

spookycharlotte121 · 19/05/2009 13:18

thats it.... i cant do this anymore.... asked exp for help and he made me feel even worse....i dont ant to do it anymore. i want to run away and leave him to see how fucking hard it is but instead he just tells me he has a lot going on in his head right now.

well so do i.

OP posts:
littlelamb · 19/05/2009 13:20

You need to cut all ties and realise that he is a waste of space charlotte. Easier said than done, but it's doing you no good at all to be constantly be disappointed by him

GypsyMoth · 19/05/2009 13:21

you'll look back and know you've done your best though,and you WILL get through this

try talking to parentline or some one similiar?

InternationalFlight · 19/05/2009 13:22

He's a twat, love

So sorry

Can you see a way of just forgetting about him?

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 19/05/2009 13:24

right now i just want it to end. i would love to just finish it but i couldnt do that to the kids. im all they have.

i just dont know how to go on ay more.

everytime im in the car i want to put my foot down and drive into a wall.

OP posts:
InternationalFlight · 19/05/2009 13:25

That's really bad

I didn't know you were feeling so bad.

i get days like that, fwiw, it's no fun at all is it.

InternationalFlight · 19/05/2009 13:27

What would help you?

Is there something in your life that you would feel better by ditching, iyswim? Maybe you have too many demands on your time and emotions at the moment.

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 19/05/2009 13:27

i keep thinking about getting in the car and just leaving but i cant leave the kids on their own. they are only 1 and 2

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 19/05/2009 13:27

we all get it. but maybe you need to speak to gp? or someone out there in rl?

littlelamb · 19/05/2009 13:28

charlotte. I felt like this back at the beginning of the year. And it was after I'd slept with my ex too. I felt very very low for a few months. It will pass. You're in Bristol yes? Fancy a holiday to (not quite so) sunny Devon?? My dd is on holiday and I have more than enough room here if you need to get away? Serious offer

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 19/05/2009 13:29

i should be able to cope. everyone else does. my mum cant live my life for me.... she cant keep giving me all her time.

im such a fucking useless failure and i hate myself. my kids would be better off without me.

OP posts:
InternationalFlight · 19/05/2009 13:29

I have a four year gap between mine and I still find it incredibly hard at times

a gap like that must really test your limits.

One thing though, as they grow up it'll be far far easier. I know that's not much use at the moment but two under 2 is notoriously hard work.

InternationalFlight · 19/05/2009 13:31

Charlotte that's not the case...nobody else copes all the time and most of us fail on a regular basis

You've done a stonking job so far and your kids are testament to that

Don't be daft is what I'm trying to say. Someone has been putting you down and it's working, however it's a load of cr*p. You're a great mum and have lots of admirers on here in terms of how well you do.

GypsyMoth · 19/05/2009 13:32

right! so what needs looking at here? the ex? the kids? your home? job? whats the biggest problem for you? can you break things down into smaller problems to tackle one at a time?

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 19/05/2009 13:35

i cant deal with any of it. i dont want to anymore

OP posts:
FabulousBakerGirl · 19/05/2009 14:44

Spooky - I don't think we have talked before but listen to me.

I know exactly what you are going through as I have wanted to do the same with the car.

Please don't.

Go to your GP, talk to him, he might put you on meds or he might have other ways of supporting you.

Take a break from your ex fucking you about. The kids are young and won't suffer from not seeing him for a bit, as much as he is making you suffer now.

I hope you don't think I am speaking out of turn but I just wanted to know there are people who understand and will support you.

ridingjoker · 19/05/2009 15:38

spookycharlotte. i felt exactly the same as you when mine were that age. driving into wall thing for definate.

go speak to your gp, tell him truthfully how you feel.

stop all conversation with your ex except to exchange kids. if he lets you down. dont even discuss. just get off the phone when he cancels. soon as he realises its not going to get a reaction and its him missing out he'll realise he better do something or fuck off and leave you to get on with your life.

hang on in there.

i know its hard.

i didn't improve for me till older one started pre school. it has been a god send. lo takes her nap in afternoon while he's in preschool. i get a minimum of an hr just to relax. DO NOT use this time for housework if you can. spend it on you. read a magazine. drink coffee. watch half an hr crap on tv. it will do your mental health wonders.

good luck.

it will get better soon.

shoptilidrop · 19/05/2009 15:54

you know what - i was feeling like that this weekend.
All caused by soon to be ex husband.
AND
i get sick of people telling me i have to be strong for dd, to not let it get to me, to be the bigger person and that ill be so much better off etc... etc.......
it makes me what to scream: FUCK YOU AS WELL!

I was fuming and beyhond breaking point for two days. Now ive taken back control and im ok.
Still totally pissed off/ fed up/sick of the lot of it

BUT
im doing ok.

Is there any thing, no matter how small that you can do that makes you feel back in control of the situation as that really does help.

shoptilidrop · 19/05/2009 15:56

oh, and yes its hard and its totally shit

but you will come out the other side.. ( and hopefully i will to
)

InternationalFlight · 19/05/2009 16:14

Fabby is right, they just need their mummy to be Ok, that's the most important thing for little ones. Father contact can wait till later.

FabulousBakerGirl · 19/05/2009 17:19

shoptilidrop I can see both sides. People think that tell you to think of your children is enough to keep you going but when you are so far down the rock bottom road, no one can pull you back until you are ready and able to ask for help and fight for yourself.

shoptilidrop · 19/05/2009 20:02

yes baker- i totally see you point. I actually called a confidential support line for forces today.
From just speaking to someone i feel a bit better.
I am going to stop putting a happy face on all the time and if people cant deal with me not being happy and bubby and my normal confiden, capable self then that is not my problem.
Also it is not wrong to shout and scream and just let it all go. Nor is it wrong to say that you are having a bad day.
Spookycharlotte - they said homestart might be able to help me with a few things.. and im going to call them. Even if all they do is listen.. but they can help with practical things as well. There will be one in your area... maybe you could call them too?

FabulousBakerGirl · 19/05/2009 20:19

I told people how I really felt when people asked me and I think that is why I have no friends tbh. People can't handle depression ime when they haven't experienced it.

I hope you are okay, and if not, soon are.

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 19/05/2009 21:35

have een out to the supermarket. feel worse than ever.

everything seems like too much effort and i dont have the energy any more.

im fed of always being tired and alone. No matter what I do there is always more that needs to be done. the kids cry and scream and fight constantly and i cant cope with it.

i have uni on friday. the kids will be going to a friend. im seriously thinking about dropping them off and just fucking off.

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 19/05/2009 21:38

Could you ask your friend to have them for the weekend while you have a rest?

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 19/05/2009 21:42

i dnt know. feel like im already pushing my luck with getting her to have them on friday. i might txt her tomorrow and ask.

they deserve better than this.

sorry for being so pathetic but right now im such a mess. i dont know what to do with myself. i cant think straight

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