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Lone parents

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Original poster

cant do this anymore.... Im bout ready to walk out

67 replies

spookycharlotte121 · 19/05/2009 13:18

thats it.... i cant do this anymore.... asked exp for help and he made me feel even worse....i dont ant to do it anymore. i want to run away and leave him to see how fucking hard it is but instead he just tells me he has a lot going on in his head right now.

well so do i.

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 19/05/2009 21:43

Just looked at your profile pics, you and your kids are gorgeous.

I've had hard times in the past too and come out the other side, I had dd1 at 17, had really bad PND, I took 70 ibrobrufen luckily I'm ok, dd1 was 1 then she'll be 10 in a few months and my life is totally different to what it was.

Please get some help. You can do this.

LoveMyGirls · 19/05/2009 21:45

I understand, getting them to have them for a couple of days to help you isn't asking too much.

Where are you? maybe one of us could help?

Claire2009 · 19/05/2009 21:46

Charlotte, I'm in Plymouth if I can help at all in any way I will?

I have a 2 & 3yo & plenty of room.

I've felt like you are feeling now many times, I got through it & so can you. Just keep telling yourself that, you have 2 beautiful children that need you.

As I said, even meeting for a coffee/some company I am happy to do that if it will help you xxx

aseriouslyblondemoment · 19/05/2009 21:47

hi charlotte!
meant to post earlier for you as ive read other thread
listen,i completely understand the situ.here and god i do feel for you as it's totally shite what with the dc and your ex
please don't be hard on yourself and please go and see your GP too
you sound rock bottom,just like i did,seeking help has made a huge diff to me
please take it easy and i'm usually around so will listen xx

LoveMyGirls · 19/05/2009 21:48

I don't think I've spoken to you on here before so I don't know your background, sorry.

What are the main problems? If you break it down maybe we can help?

Overmydeadbody · 19/05/2009 21:54

Charlotte you are not alone, many many people feel like failures and don't cope all of the time.

Loads of good supportive advice on this thread already, I just ewanted to add that I too know exactly how you feel and battle with similar feelings quite regularly. Sometimes it's a bit easier, sometimes it's a bit harder. For me, it's the little things that I just can't cope with so leave, like filling in forms and opening and replying to post and bills and stuff. I just can't do it and don't know how other people manage to.

Things will get easier, I know that doesn't elp much right no, but they will.

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 19/05/2009 21:56

there is a lot of history with my ex. we split up when ds was 9 months old and i was 6 month pg with dd. he had problems with gambling and was a nasty piece of work.... pretty vile towards me and very controling. 6 weeks after splitting up he moved in with someone else...... he didnt come to any of the anti natal classes with me and didnt turn up when i went into labour. since then we have fallen into bed with one another several times. I still love him and feel very confused about it all. I thought things were ok between us.... the other night he was really low and was crying and i was there for him helping him and just letting him talk to me. i called him today begging him for help because i couldnt cope and he just made out like i was asking for too much and tried to insinuate that i wanted to get back with him.

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 19/05/2009 21:58

Have you thought about counselling?

I think you need to avoid him until you are feeling stronger, he has shown you cannot rely on him at all and although you have children with him you need to try and move on because it doesn't sound like you need any more stress added to your life.

Claire2009 · 19/05/2009 22:00

Charlotte, Your confused. Block him out of your personal life, let him be a Dad to your Children but nothing more. He is as confused asyou and by the sounds of it using you then not wanting to know.

LoveMyGirls · 19/05/2009 22:10

You know what, some people are meant to be together, they work well with each other, they bring out the best in each other, they encourage each other to grow and be the best people they can be. You and he do not work, you both cannot be the best people/ parents you can be if you try to rely on each other imo, sometimes you can't make it work no matter how much you want to.

I have watched my parents relationships, my parents were together for 11 years, both on their own lovely people but together my dad was controlling and selfish, my mum was depressed and lacked motivation, she would ignore us and just want to sleep all the time, my dad was never there chosing to work or be at church.

They just didn't belong together though my mum tried hard. She found someone else, since then and has had the strength to go to uni and is now at the top of her career and has a very happy marriage where they never argue, my dad is with someone who would not put up with him behaving like that and they are happily married. Sometimes people bring out the worst in each other.

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 19/05/2009 22:56

thankyou for all the replys.

everything is on top of me right now. i do want counciling and my dr agreed it would be a good idea but he said he wanted to hold off untill my ad's had had chance to work.

cant stand feeling like this.

OP posts:
Claire2009 · 19/05/2009 23:00

What ad's are you on Charlotte? How long have you been on them?

Give them time, won't be long & you'll be feeling great again

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 19/05/2009 23:12

am on 20mg of citalopram. started taking them at the beginning of the year and it took about 3 months to work and was fine but ever since last sunday things have been really bad..... had an argument with exp and its all been down hill since then.

OP posts:
Claire2009 · 19/05/2009 23:13

Would you go to the gp and explain? Perhaps you need a higher dose while things are tough at the mo? x

littlelamb · 19/05/2009 23:13

If you do feel the need to get away my offer still stands I know it can be a bloody struggle, but you're doing brilliantly with an awful lot on your plate

steviesgirl · 19/05/2009 23:26

Spooky - glad to see you're on here. We've all been worried about you in chat. Someone started a thread about you! Keep talking to us, as we're all here to try and help.

Things WILL get better for you. Don't give up hope. Your kids need you.

nickschick · 19/05/2009 23:28

Charlotte,I dont know much about your situation but that could be a good thing-lots of mums feel like you are,even those with partners 2 tiny children is very hardwork add to your mix your exp and no wonder you are feeling down.

In a way you are grieving the loss of a relationship,the loss of a life you hoped to build with him.

In truth (easy for me to say) the bloke is an ass to treat you like that!!! but we girls dont learn do we? we think we can love them to be the men we want,of course it must be us at fault.

No its not you are holding out in a very tough time and you can do it -daily 1 step at a time,a friend of mine a v glam ,intelligent woman showed me a picture of herself about 6 years ago, she was newly divorced with 2 young children -she looked so different and she explained that relationship was sucking her life away as soon as she got her around being a independant woman -she changed.

The penny dropped and things fitted into place,she is very content with her life and when her ex comes to pick the kids up she thinks of him as the kids dad but as someone she learnt a lesson from she couldnt imagine being married to him she did actually say even sitting on the same sofa as him turns her stomach!!

You will get there ,baby steps day by day but you can do it(hug4u).

Yurtgirl · 19/05/2009 23:34

Hi Spooky - I have never 'met' you on MN before but wanted to say that I am thinking of you.

There are lots of people on here who care about you! I hope that can be a small comfort to you [hopeful]

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 20/05/2009 00:14

its a very big comfort to me that people care yurtgirl..... im sat here crying coz of it.... happy tears

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Monty100 · 20/05/2009 00:33

Big hug Spooky. Hope you feel better very soon. xx

FabulousBakerGirl · 20/05/2009 08:14

I think the GP is wrong to make you wait unti lthe ADs work better. I have been on mine for nearly 3 years before the GP finally referred me. One hour with a lady at the hospital last week helped me with an emotional problem I had carried for 15 minutes.

My advice, FWIW, is for today

Don't contact your ex.
Talk to a friend who is really there for you and open up to her. See if she is able to help you with the children sometimes.
Phone the Samaritans or email is that is easier but online you will have to wait for a reply.
You WILL get through this but it will take time.
Thinking of you.
I have been there.

missmiss · 20/05/2009 08:27

I'd like to echo what YurtGirl said - I don't know you but I hope things get better for you.

[un-mumsnet-like hug]

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 20/05/2009 10:08

i am feeling a little better today. a good friend of mine has just found out he is going to be a dad an although im jealous of how perfect his life is, im so happy for him..... he will make a really lovely dad.

i spoke to exp this morning, well he called me to see if i was ok and to appologise for yesterday. he wants to come round later to drop some money off that he owes me..... dont really want to see him.

i am still feeling very alone but at least im not sat here in floods of tears today. thankyou for all the kind words and hugs fwiw i dont think hugs should be 'unmumsnetty' we all need them from time to time and its not like we refer to oneanother as hun is it

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inthemistsoftime · 20/05/2009 10:25

Hi spooky,

glad you are feeling better today, where are you based? as it is the half term next week and more people will be around if you need to have a cup of tea/coffee, I am in north London.

Keep posting, we are all here for each other

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 20/05/2009 10:40

im in bristol. cant believe its half term next week..... i still have so much work to do!!!

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