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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

It's bloody hard, this single parenting malarky

62 replies

Deemented · 15/04/2009 22:48

Isn't it? Or is it just me and my crap parenting?

It's just so... constant all the time and there's no let up whatsoever... days seem to merge into each other, and although i wouldn't be without my two - they are my world, i'd give anything just for five minutes peace.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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mrsbabookaloo · 15/04/2009 22:55

Just want to say, I'm not a single parent and I don't know how I would cope if I was. It must be very lonely and hard with no-one to talk to about the kids/share the sleepless nights/trade favours with.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 15/04/2009 22:56

I find it hard having to be the nice, caring mum one minute, then tell him off the next. Ds finds this hard aswell. I find it hard having to do everything, there are not enough hours.

Marthasmama · 15/04/2009 23:00

I have been single mumming during the week for 5 weeks while DH has been training. It has been hell. How you manage to cope is beyond me and I have nothing but respect for you.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 15/04/2009 23:03

There's been a thread like your comment before Marthasmama. IIRC, the OP was slaughtered! Someone who has the pleasure of their child's company when their DH/DP is away is not a single parent as their DH/DP will return. Nor do they have the shite finances and same stresses as a single parent.

I'm going now. To bang my head on a wall

Original poster

Deemented · 15/04/2009 23:05

Id give anything for DH to walk in right now.

OP posts:

UndertheBoredwalk · 15/04/2009 23:05

It is hard, but it can be fantastic too
I've been a single mum for 7 years now. And have had my fair share of crappy times and wanting to run screaming to the nearest airport and leave forever! lol
But, I have a fabulous and close relationship with my DD, I don't have any arguments with anyone about decisions I make about how I parent her. And when she's being nice, it is so lovely being together just us, and having a great time

If I could go back and change it, I honestly don't think I would!

littlelamb · 15/04/2009 23:07

Fluffy, I don't think Martha meant it like that. I see what you mean, but if you have to cope on your own not being used to it I imagine it is a shock.

Katrina7 · 15/04/2009 23:09

And if something happen to dc you can call him and he ll be straight there.

Oh and you dont have CSA, and contact arrangments and court cases and ex's new partner and ........

Katrina7 · 15/04/2009 23:10

sorry i should say my post was to Fluffy and Martha

Marthasmama · 15/04/2009 23:12

Ah, that's what you get for empathising then. I wasn't suggesting that it was the same. Cheers. I'll fuck off then .

Meglet · 15/04/2009 23:12

It is relentless. My 2 are 2.5 and 7mo so I know it will get easier. I've found my 5 mins peace though, I have a blackberry and mn on the loo .

I've got horribly addicted to mn and fb in the evenings as I have no one to talk to. I haven't spoken face to face with an adult all day!

littlelamb · 15/04/2009 23:14

No marthasmama, don't feel got at. I was saying I understand. Your post wasn't patronising to me at all. I don't understand why others took it that way

GreenMonkies · 15/04/2009 23:14

I have enormous respect for all you single parents. DP works nights on a shift pattern, he's on the last one of a run of 6 tonight, and it's almost like being a single mum, except I know he'll be here to ease the pressure after so many days. I fecking hate it, it's so full-on, I don't know how I would cope if it was a full-time situation, I think I'd go insane.

Chocolate for all of you, you deserve it.

Meglet · 15/04/2009 23:14

marthasmama I didn't take offence .

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 15/04/2009 23:15

I know you didn't mean it this way Marthasmama. Look up the thread, it really did get nasty.

Original poster

Deemented · 15/04/2009 23:18

I'm sorry... i shouldn;t have started the thread... just having a really bad day today... and i can't face going to bed without him in it... and tomorrows going to be exactly the same...

OP posts:

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 15/04/2009 23:20

It'll get better. Don't be sorry. Peace is when they are in bed or at school. You wouldn't be without them but sometimes I put the clocks forward so peace comes early.

Marthasmama · 15/04/2009 23:23

Oh Littlelamb, I meant to say cheers for sticking up for me! I realise that you weren't being a meanie. I didn't mean to come across as patronising. It's hard to cope with just looking after the kids on your own with no adult company let alone with all the additional elements. I have a lot of respect for mums that can cope with it. I know you just do, but nobody ever seems to discuss how hard it is. Certainly not in my experience and I do know loads of single mums. Being on my own in the house every night, doing everything on my own has made me think about it more. Oh and thank you too meglet. Your post summed up what I was thinking about really.

Katrina7 · 15/04/2009 23:24

Martha i didnt tell you to fuck off.

I just made a comment which i think was not rude.

But i hear this every day from friends in real life (and i am not even a single mum yet. i am pregnant and alone from the begining ) and some people say to me 'oh it is the same because my hasband works long days and i am like single mum too'.

But really is not the same. As i said i m not there yet but already shitting myself with the logistics: money, work and childcare, what if i get ill, what if he drag me to courts etc...

But really i didnt mean to upset you. Apology if i did.

Original poster

Deemented · 15/04/2009 23:27

I can't see it ever getting better fluffybunny. I wish it would. I just don't have all the answers that DS needs. I'm letting him down so much.

OP posts:

Kewcumber · 15/04/2009 23:28

I'm sorry you've had a difficult day, Dee. I'm very grateful that my single paretning isnt complicated by such a loss as your's or bitter feelings of an ex-partner who appears to be getting off easily.

I don't have that complication but still sometimes I do think longingly of having a lie in or of a partner taking over when I'm getting to the shrill shrieky stage and I hate myself for it.

The reward for the unrelentingness of it all is frankly the same as for any parent - watching our DC's grow. And realising that you haven't fucked them up too badly

Marthasmama · 15/04/2009 23:29

DH hasn't been working long days DH has been not coming home all week. Not the same as being a single parent. Nowhere near the same as being a single parent. It just gave me an insight into how hard just coping with the kids/running of the house on your own is, let alone all the other stuff. I wouldn't even dare to presume that it was the same thing. Anyway, I don't wish to take up Dee's thread with this, so I am bowing out.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 15/04/2009 23:30

Sometimes there are no answers. You're not letting him down, you are being there for him, this is what he needs. Sometimes there are no answers that are good enough, they do tend to come in time though.

Kewcumber · 15/04/2009 23:33

I'm not sure what answers you think DS needs that you can't provide but you are there, and that what he needs.

Original poster

Deemented · 15/04/2009 23:38

I can't tell him why his daddy died... why his daddy won't come back and play with him. Why nana died too and why we had to leave our old house and move to somewhere else where daddy isn't. Or rather... i can tell him... but his four year old mind doesn't understand the concept of forever.

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