It's bloody hard, this single parenting malarky

[Deemented]

Isn't it? Or is it just me and my crap parenting?

It's just so... constant all the time and there's no let up whatsoever... days seem to merge into each other, and although i wouldn't be without my two - they are my world, i'd give anything just for five minutes peace.

Have you thought of a different way of approaching it? They have gone somewhere else because their bodies didn't work properly and they are watching and smiling down on him sort of thing?

I know that Winston's Wish do alot to help families and children who are grieving and have questions.
they can really help you all

I've been having these thoughts myself today. I've been seperated for 3 months now and was thinking how lovely it would be to have a cup of coffee made for me. Or someone to hold the baby while I unload the dishwasher, put another wash load on, etc.

Dee, that is so sad. I doubt very much that you are a crap mum or letting your DS down in any way. I wish I could do more than just pass you virtual chocolate or wine.

sugar! sorry deemented. my condolensces. I didn't know

D i can honestly say that i feel quite humbled by reading your post
i'm a single mum thru choice and yes i moan alot about it despite what i chose
your situ.is v.diff.to mine
and despite us both being on our own our circumstances aren't any where near the same nor do i pretend or try to comprehend that they are
hope this makes sense iyswim

Thanks fluffy... we have gone down that route and winstons wish can't help us - we don;t live in the right area and at four, boyos not old enough for a residential course. Boyo is getting the help he so desperately needs, finally. And i've been as honest with him as i could be - he knows daddy's body was so ill that it couldn;t get better and he died... i seem to go through it a million times a day. I guess i'm the one falling apart at the moment.

God, i'm sorry folks. Didn't mean to turn this into a pity party.

What about Barnardos? Can the GP not refer them for some play therapy?

You're not falling apart. You are grieving aswell or you are trying to. You are spending so much time worrying about them your own feelings are wanting to come out. Is there someone helping you?

Hah - banardos were a waste of time. They do have a project for bereaved children running here in the city... but because we don't live in what's considered a 'deprived area' they won't consider seeing him.

I've had to fight for it, but i have found him help, although it's £35 a time.

As for me... well.. when boyo's twin died, i saw a wonderful lady from cruse, and she has offered to see me again, but can only see me of a monday morning, and boyo's only in nursery in the afternoons and taking him and 11 month old dd to the therapy session would be impossible.

I wasn't offended by the OP. I might be a single parent but I'm not a martyr! Ds's dad buggered off whilst ds still in special care so I've known no different - of course I see the difference every day with friends 'normal' households.

There are lots of reasons why people end up as single parents, rarely through choice imo, and each has their own set of difficulties.

D I think it must be so hard at your son's age to really understand and so difficult for you to cope with his feelings and your own. I hope you have some RL support too.

Deemented

please stop apologising.

You are going through something very difficult. If it helps even a little bit then keep talking here. My first thread here was when i was suiside one night and wonderful women from all around the world kept talking to me all night. Mn has help me lot in the past few months. Keep talking if it helps.

And YOU ARE NOT LETTING HIM DOWN. You sound wonderful mum x

I don't feel like it. I wonder sometimes if they would be better off without me. With someone who didn't shout all the time or who didn't cry when they weren't shouting.

Can the nursery not help you?

It seems mad that you can't get the support for your family that you need. I know that hospices can sometimes help families after a death. Have you tried them? I would go and have a bloody good rant at my MP about the lack of facilities. It's appauling. If you are near Derby I'll babysit for you.

I normally am the first one to remind everyone that single parenthood is great but I can totally understand why you feel the way you do, Dee: all I can say to you is that things will, slowly and steadily, get better. IN time you will be able to enjoy the good memories (and share them with your DS as he grows up) and they won't hurt any more. Best of luck.

Dee, I'm a single parent, but not a widow.

So sad for you and family. You sound like a strong person, it must be harder than any of us can imagine.

A friend of mine lost her husband last year and I read the bereavement threads around that time and I remember you from there. Did you see that beautiful 'poem' that was on there around November/December? It may even have been you that posted it.

Dee, if I could do something for you I would.

They won't be better off without you. You are grieving aswell, please don't be hard on yourself. can the GP not send you for some counselling via them?

Dee, I'm a single parent, but not a widow.

So sad for you and family. You sound like a strong person, it must be harder than any of us can imagine.

A friend of mine lost her husband last year and I read the bereavement threads around that time and I remember you from there. Did you see that beautiful 'poem' that was on there around November/December? It may even have been you that posted it.

Dee, if I could do something for you I would.

Dee, I'm a single parent, but not a widow.

So sad for you and family. You sound like a strong person, it must be harder than any of us can imagine.

A friend of mine lost her husband last year and I read the bereavement threads around that time and I remember you from there. Did you see that beautiful 'poem' that was on there around November/December? It may even have been you that posted it.

Dee, if I could do something for you I would.

it is nothing wrong with crying. You need to get it out.

And your children are better off with you. With their good mum who is also a HUMAN and yes she is crying sometimes because she is griefing and misses their dad.

Sorry - just 'refreshed' and posts went beserk.

My GP told me that if i couldn't cope with my kids then she'd contact social services and they could send me on 'parenting classes'. This was after she'd told me that she wouldn't give me antidepressants unless i was suicidal.

His nursery have been great, but they haven't had to deal with the death of a parent before, so are flying blind.

I'm just so bloody tired of it all.

Bloody hell!
You need a new GP!

Can't you ask the nursery to have your little one so you can go to the counselling?

I'll be more then happy to write to your MP for you, it's so wrong how you and your family are being treated. It shouldn't be this way.

Nursery won't take him in mornings as it's full...

Anyways... he's just come downstairs so am going to head back to bed with him... thanks for listening.

A neighbour? Friend? Granny?