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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

It's bloody hard, this single parenting malarky

62 replies

Deemented · 15/04/2009 22:48

Isn't it? Or is it just me and my crap parenting?

It's just so... constant all the time and there's no let up whatsoever... days seem to merge into each other, and although i wouldn't be without my two - they are my world, i'd give anything just for five minutes peace.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MollieO · 16/04/2009 00:31

Of course I didn't mean OP I meant whoever posted about being a single parent during the week.

Is your GP quite young? I would speak to either another GP in the practice or speak to your HV who might be able to circumvent the GP re counselling. Do you have any friends/relatives who could look after your ds whilst you went for counselling?

Whatever you think and however hard things are one thing is sure - your ds would never be better off without you.

MsSpentEaster · 16/04/2009 00:42

Do you have a local childrens centre?

I do and they have been great with the the support they have given me, they have organised counselling for me, and arranged child care with an ofstead registered childminder who picks DS up and drops him off again afterwards, the counselling waiting list was soo much shorted than NHS counselling and the counsellor is fantastic.

They have also arranged for the childminder to take DS for 5 hours every friday so i can have some time to myself, i really value this time as can feel myself winding down from the tension of the week, this has given me the support i need to get myself off of AD's

I also have the support of home start, i have a volunteer come to my house once a week and play with DS whilst i get on with housework, sometimes i just chat to the volunteer, she is so great, i really wouldn't have got through everything without her!

Go to see a different Dr. It is appalling the way they have treated you!

Where do you live? If you lived near me (Stamford) I would help out in anyway i could, even if it was to just play with your children for a bit so you can relax with a cuppa.

I am very sorry for your situation, i wish there was something i could do to help you feel better

Original poster

Deemented · 16/04/2009 07:59

Thanks for all the advice folks. Funny how things always look better in the morning, isn't it?

I don't have any family down here, apart from my dad, and he works full time, although he does occasionally have boyo on a saturday, which i really appreciate. My mum died in October, but she didn't live down here. I'm in Wales, by the way. My friends have been great, but i hate putting on them. They keep telling me how fantasticly well i'm doing. If they only knew, eh?

We'll get there. Because we have to. Thanks for listening to me wobble, i appreciate it.

OP posts:

Meglet · 16/04/2009 09:15

Glad you feel a bit better today. I don't think you should worry about asking friends to help, I really doubt they have a problem with it. If they have dc's then they'll understand how hard it is for you.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 16/04/2009 16:49

It's OK to admit that you need help. If I was having a tough time I know that my friends would be really mad if I didn't tell them, I would feel really bad if my friends needed some support and they felt like they had no one to turn to. Do you have one friend that you know better then anyone? Everyone needs some support once in a while. You and your family have been through so much, don't ever feel as if you are alone but you do have to admit that you need some help as no one can read your mind. I can only be here on the other end of the internet, you need someone in person, someone who can listen to you and hold your hand. You are still grieving, it really does take time but it will make your life a little easier if you had someone there to support you, please tell your friends. They will want to help. They won't think that you are putting on them. They are friends because of the love they have for you and your children, not out of some sense of duty.

MsSpentYoof · 17/04/2009 11:29

How are you feeling today?

I totally understand the 'feel better in the morning' once you DC are up and about it doesn't feel quite so lonely (most of the time) Its when they are tucked up in bed and the only sound in the house is you tapping away at your keyboard or pottering around the house.

If you need to talk anytime we are hear to listen or if you ever need a virtual shoulder i will keep an eye out on this thread for you

MSY x

Original poster

Deemented · 17/04/2009 16:02

Aw, thank you.

I'm not doing too bad. Today is an ok day.

OP posts:

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 17/04/2009 18:00

That's good. It's a start.

MsSpentYoof · 21/04/2009 11:37

How are you today deemented?

Things seem to look a bit better when the weather is nice don't they

allgonebellyup · 21/04/2009 13:36

ive been a single mum for 2 years now, and yes it can be hard work but it is also quite rewarding.

i would love someone else to help with the discipline side of things as i am forever shouting at them to no avail, and it is so tiresome.

But the thought of ever moving in with a boyfriend scares the life out of me as i love having my own space and couldnt take the grief of another adult sharing my home!

i do get SO annoyed with mothers who claim they are like a single parent cos their partner works away etc. it is NOT the same at all; their partner is just at the end of the phone, and they are coming BACK, and you still have the financial support

poshsinglemum · 21/04/2009 15:00

Katrina- I was alone from the beginning too and it's tough- but totally wonderful! You will love being a mum- congratulations. Look at it like this- you don't have a man to appease, you can do what you want, you are free. You may have less money but you can spend what you do have on what you want. I'm on benefits atm until I return to work but I revel in being able to give myself the smallest of treats and make unwise decisions regarding money without having to answer to anybody.

cestlavielife · 21/04/2009 16:07

Dee - i think you ened a different GP definitely.

and please do ask your friends - they porbably just dont know what to do or say and you need to lead them a little. ask them to take the kids for a couple hours.

looking like you coping is not going to help you in the long run.... or your kids.

so sorry you having to pay for help for little boy but glad he getting it.

now you need some for you too.

perhaps you could buy this book and see if there any ideas there you could use - to ask your friends to do for you - because sometimes you do need to reach out.

If There's Anything I Can Do...: How to Help Someone Who Has Been Bereaved (Paperback)
by Caroline Doughty (Author), Roni Jay (Editor)
RRP: £7.99
Price: £7.59

becoming a widow is different to leaving an abusive ex i think....but ultimately yes like you i have no time for anything -except when planned in advance! my ex has only seen the children for one hour since last august - contact sessions going to start this week two hours a fortnight - so yes since august 2008 i haveeen total sole parent,like a bereaved one....

but for me it was such a relief, not having him around...

for you the circumstances are different. but yes when you full on as sole parent - is the same.

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