first step in asking for superivsed contact

[jetcat32]

well, after years of abuse from my ex,and DD getting more and more upset, i have now finally bit the bullet and wrote to him today to say that i dont think its a good idea for DDs to stay with him, as there is too much shouting etc for DD to cope with. Guess it will hit the fan tomorrow!

I would like to try and sort out supervised contact, but i have no idea where to start! We weren't married, and he has no PR. Presently they stay over one night per fortnight, but this cant continue- as i sure it must be emotional abuse what he is doing!

I assume i have to see a solicitor?

If he has not got pr (children born before law changed in 2003)then you are the only one who can make decision for your children. I would tell him he can have contact once a fortnight, eg Saturday 10am until 12noon at his mother's house, your mother's house or even a contact centre. You can stop contact at anytime and let him see a solicitor. the solicitor will write to you, then if nothing can be sorted out they will refer you to mediation or as domestic violence involved may take matter to court. the abuse will be taken into account and also the fact that your dd is getting upset.

thanks, his mum died last year- she was the one who normally kept him at least alittle in check!

I dont trust other members of his family enough to keep to a 'supervised' contact, and i dont have any family. How would i set about finding a contact centre?

There was domestic violence in the past, which is why i left him. He is still very manipulative and tries to be controlling- even so far as getting his policeman mate to keep a check on where i was going! I found out, and a complaint went straight in to the police! I know he always puts me down to the kids, which upsets DD as well, as she is SEN, and is very easily distressed.

And thanks for your reply by the way.

i have similar situation (domestic abuse, not married, no pr for him).

going about contact centre privately is v expensive - and you still need a referrral from solicitor or court - tehre is a national association of contact centres you can look up to find one in your area. or call local CAFCASS office and ask who tehy use.

(we agreed at court to fund initial contact centre sessions privately 50/50 - then he decided he wouldnt pay, so it is going thru CAFCASS who say they might part fund - i beleive there is another centre they run so would totally fund); in meantime he hasnt seen dcs at all and blames me when he is the one who refused to go out and beg borrow or whatever the money to achieve the contact sooner)

i would make your decision and let him take you to court; get CAFCASS involved then they will ultimately (probably) pay for the contact centre.

you can kick start process by having a solicitor apply for residence order in your favour which would then include reference to contact arrangements.

thanks for your reply, and sorry you are in a similar position! Do i need a residence order if they already live with me? Forgot to mention before, no PR for DD1, but he does have for DD2.

I doubt very much he would ever want them to live with him, the contact he has been having has been getting less and less.

I also doubt that if I didnt do anything, he wouldnt push the issue - meaning that kids wouldnt see him again (he has threatened this in the past - when i got CSA involved). Although that would make me life a lot simpler, i dont want to stop my DDs from having any contact with him, as i know that they will want to see him at some point!

As i am not working due to ill health, there is no way i can afford to pay for a contact centre, so i guess that is out!

the residence order would clarify things legally. ie confirm what is in palce already.

my ex also said he would kill himself/go back to his home country etc...if we could not be together etc

in the end it is HIS responsibility to ensure contact with his children, i realised i had to stop facilitating....

the dcs want to see their dad sure - but it is up to their dad to ensure it happens not you, not the dcs.

thanks C, i have made an appointment with a solicitor, so i hope it will settle down soon!