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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

does anyone ever feel like just running away

28 replies

ridingjoker · 23/02/2009 14:09

i have the odd day where everything is getting on top of me.

kids/looking at work/ou course

an various other family commitments with a poor exdp who rarely has dc as he's hopeless.

just looking to see if anyone else ever feels like just hiding and leaving everything behind??

i wonder if exdp would manage if i just left him with dc and "forced" him to get on with it for a few days or weeks.

would he get to grips with everything and perhaps be more understanding in whats involved looking after dc as a lone parent 24/7

OP posts:

abraid · 23/02/2009 14:23

Yes. Especially when my husband 'forgets' to collect our daughter from a Brownies trip on the way home from work and arrives on the doorstep with her still 10 miles away. Or keeps booking squash games on other evenings when I need help taxiing children from one end of the county to another. Or 'forgets' to tell (or get my son to tell) the bus driver that the other boy we liftshare with to the bus stop isn't coming that morning because he's ill, so that the poor bus driver waits 20 minutes for said boy and everyone is late for school.

Original poster

ridingjoker · 23/02/2009 16:18

thank goodness.starting to think i was only person and slowly going insane...silently

OP posts:

sincitylover · 23/02/2009 16:25

yes riding joker I do have days like that. I am sure its not uncommon especially for people in our position.

My exH does not step up to the plate re seeing the DCs enough and as everyone keeps telling me takes advantage of my good nature.

I work ft, single parent with2 dcs (who tho lovely are very demanding) and am 'dating' in my spare time!!. Family live 70 miles away. Sometimes its just all too much. I do need support and find this from my friends both on here and RL.

I also get by by drinking wine some evenings prob drink too many units, trying to have a social life in my home and have also just asked GP to refer me to a counsellor because so much has gone on over past two and a half years. And I need to sort head out.

I also find I am quite up and down.

sincitylover · 23/02/2009 16:26

I also have moments where I can't believe my life has turned out like this.

But what I do know is that I am strong and this is far better than being married to exH.

Original poster

ridingjoker · 23/02/2009 16:55

i have those moments too. and you beat yourself up as you were the one who made the choices that resulted in it

OP posts:

ninah · 23/02/2009 17:40

I am having a day like this too. Back to work after half term and everything seems so mundane. Really want to break out and do stuff but after tidying up washing cooking cleaning no energy. Ex has dc once a fortnight for the day. Days like this I wish I was young free and single with no children. Think the better weather is not helping. Want to be free and can't.

Original poster

ridingjoker · 23/02/2009 17:42

i find getting up at silly oclock every day for past few years. and for many many more to come is grinding me down mentally aswell. i'd give anything to get up when i want...not when i'm woken

OP posts:

supervixen · 23/02/2009 18:03

I was just thinking about this last night. Im like a robot, then when I finally get some peace at about 8pm im tired but force myself to stay up just because its my peace and quiet time. then you sleep and it starts over again the next day.

what i wouldnt give sometimes to be able to go out and do what i like when I like. but alas when you have children you cant.

to top it all off, I see my exes friends who all hate me, everywhere. I just want to run sometimes!

Original poster

ridingjoker · 23/02/2009 18:10

this thread has cheered me up a bit. starting to think i had some serious issues with my mental health as just wanting to abandon kids for a few days and be "me" again.

glad i'm not the only one.

also this issue of having to be back for this time.... and leave for this time... because of all the rountine involved with dc is very difficult.

leaves me feeling penned in and trapped. wanting to break free and not worry about times or plans

OP posts:

supervixen · 23/02/2009 21:02

i get very jealous of my childless friends, i just spoke to one who said he was just going out to meet his friend, on a monday - he can just pop out whenever, so not fair!

BocciBalls · 23/02/2009 21:09

oh yes - to all of the above. I feel utterly ground down and trapped at the moment- similar to many of you with family not near enough to just pop in to help for 30 mins here or a morning there. would love a lie-in, to read the papers uninterrupted, to get all the washing done, paperwork sorted, have a social life ..... list goes on.

it's not always this bad but really feeling it this week. must be the weather!

good to know we're not alone anyway. thanks!

Original poster

ridingjoker · 24/02/2009 07:52

99% of the time i feel very proud i was brave enough to go it alone and leave my terrible situation.

but there's the odd day/s that i feel really bad

OP posts:

aseriouslyblondemoment · 24/02/2009 11:13

despite my generally positive outlook on life
i do have some terribly bleak moments
it justs really grinds me down having to do absolutely everything for not only my dcs but somehow find a bit of me time as well
saying that would rather be a single mum
then be trapped in my unhappy marriage
and yes do often look at friends who have more me time than i do and i often feel pangs of sadness for missing out
but wouldnt change anything
atruthfully

supervixen · 24/02/2009 20:31

me neither, wouldnt change anything for the world. my dd is my life, just wish i had a bit of another life sometimes haha

needahand · 24/02/2009 20:43

I sometimes feel like running away and I am not a lone parent. I don't know how you ladies do it. You have all my admiration and probably all are on the road to sainthood! and a big [hug] as well

Original poster

ridingjoker · 25/02/2009 07:41

needahand - when i was still together with exdp i used to escape sometimes. when he was being a real arse. and refusing to help with dc.

i remember one day i was doing the bed/bath routine with 15 month old and 1 month old.exdp had always been either working or out with friends, and i cracked.

he decided just when we needed to bath kids and everyone was screaming for milk that he was going to have a nice long bath before going to the footy. then proceeded to have a go at me to shave his head.

i just cracked. took dc into the bathroom he was in. and walked out the door. drove round. went to late night shops for a coffee and read of newspaper.

when i came back exdp had got my mum and his grown up daughter round to help. and finally admitted perhaps he should help with bath/bed routine on the odd occasion he wasn't working.

but he never did.

life is definately easier without dealing with an arse of exdp.

but really hard when there's no one there to take over when your cracking up.

OP posts:

aseriouslyblondemoment · 25/02/2009 10:11

RJ he would have received more than a shaved head from me lol
think you were very restrained there
and yes my exh was good at the storming off act
must be a man thing
hmm remind me again why i divorced him..

needahand · 25/02/2009 16:45

gosh ridingjoker no wonder he is your exdp now! You definitely are on that path to sainthood. Now go and polish your halo you missed a little spot

EverSOLOlolololoLonely · 25/02/2009 16:47

I frequently want to run away. You are not alone.

bodgejob · 26/02/2009 13:57

feel like i've been run over like a train every day. I'm looking after 2 toddlers and 4 year old alone and feel exhausted from the amount of manual labour I do every single day. There is just know let up. I understand how you feel totally.

susyammonite · 26/02/2009 14:07

Hi definately put some interesting ideas in my head for running away! A run on the beach in a warm location and lapping ocean followed by a few cocktails and a lie in!!!
Would be bliss!! Daft thing is i would still feel guilty for not being with my twins even though the ex only comes up once a fortnight to see them!! Sometimes it's crap being a woman and being able to think too much and not be able to switch off. But that dream still gets me off to sleep at night!!

MUMDONEGOOD · 26/02/2009 17:19

Was just going to put a message on here about the same thing, then saw this one. I really really want to leave and start somewhere new.I can't get a job round here to fit in with dd's school hours. I am totally totally fed up with everyone I know here, if its not a competition between dd and other kids at her school, its misplaced sympathy for not being in a couple, not working (as though I don't want to work) and watching to see what the next drama will be. My mum tells everyone I haven't yet got a job, as though I am some sort of sad case and is insinuating that my dd is anorexic, which the doctor has said she isn't but is having a major growth spurt, which I knew anyway as she eats me out of house and home as the saying goes. To top it all there is no-one that can look after dd for one evening so I can go out. So what stops me going you all ask yourself, my dd schooling. But yes I would love to go somewhere where no-one knows me and start afresh with dd.

EverSOLOlolololoLonely · 26/02/2009 23:59

Yes, I agree with the kids schooling keeping you here, I feel the same. Ds starts secondary in Sept and I'd hate to disturb that. Oh and yeah, I can't sell my house as it needs work doing on it. Small problem there then.

jazzpants · 27/02/2009 09:09

I really admire you ladies whose family lives miles away, mine are just down the rd so I get out at least once a month and I work part time. I still feel somedays though that everything can get on top of me and how on earth did this become my life?. I regret wasting the yrs with exh when he made me so unhappy and why didnt I just go traveling and have a life?. I also envy friendswho seems to be so happy and my life can feel very messy - then I feel guilty as they are wonderful and supportive. I think we just have to go through these days and hopefully the next day is a bit brighter x

EverSOLOlolololoLonely · 27/02/2009 16:22

Jazzpants, my family is fairly close, as are friends, but no one ever volunteers to sit for me. I used to be able to ask mum and dad, but dad's now very ill so I don't feel I can ask them to have my 2yo, though Ds does go there to stay most weekends, but he's no trouble being as he's 10.

My friends all have older children and seem to have forgotten all the babysitting I used to do for them and the one friend that has Dc's under 10 that I've babysat for(and still offer to if she gets stuck)and I've asked her if she'll have Dd for a day so that I can try to get my house in order said yes, but never commits to anything.

I give up. May as well just not even think about dating anyone new. I'd have to tag the kids along. Very romantic ~ not!

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