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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Am i the loneliest person ever

72 replies

SilverSparkle · 18/02/2009 11:37

I don't even know where to start my post to be honest. I grew up in a large family but when i chose to live my life my way and make my own decisions i wasn't part fo the family anymore. Over the years some contact has been resumed but its all so awkward etc. I have 2 very young DC and am a single mum.

I am so lonely it hurts....it really hurts! I don't really have my family....i can visit but i don't have them for support. I have no close friends nearby at all. I have no one. I work fulltime and children are in school and nursery and i do everything, absolutely everything.

I don't know what i am looking for by posting this....maybe some words of comfort, i really don't know....all i know is i am at a very low point at the moment....very low.

OP posts:

lisalisa · 18/02/2009 11:46

Oh SS - I feel for you. I often feel like this too even though I have a dh and parents I see and "friends". FWIW I think its the quality of hte relationships we have around us not the quantity . If you had 2 or 3 good relationships you would probalby not feel like htis. I speak from experience as although i have relatinships i nmy life none are of good quality and as a result I am terribly lonely too .

In your positino I would try to seek out others to start to build - perhaps you could try a MN meet up ? At least there you would meet others who are mothers so something in common to start with ?

inthemistsoftime · 18/02/2009 11:46

hi silversparkle, sorry that you are feeling like that, keep posting, sometimes it just helps to have someone listen to you, keep posting I am listening. (((((hugs))))))

Original poster

SilverSparkle · 18/02/2009 11:50

I could write loads more but i am at work and just keep welling up. I am due to go to my parents this w/e to collect something and received a text from one of my siblings this morning asking me not to stay long as they are expecting guests....

Even if i had some of my close friends nearby it would be better but i don't have anyone nearby.

A whole world full of people and i feel this lonely....

OP posts:

inthemistsoftime · 18/02/2009 11:57

I also come from a large family and know that sometimes things can be difficult between siblings. But in the end they are your siblings and must have some feelings for you, have you tried talking to them about how you feel, or is it something that just cant be broached?

I have also been a bit of a black sheep but when the chips were down they did come through for me, but I had to ask for help as they didn't know how I was feeling?

I hope this makes sense!

Original poster

SilverSparkle · 18/02/2009 12:00

I dated someone they didn't agree with and ended up disowning me. A few years later they found me but nothing ever improved. Its never been spoken about but at least i am allowed to visit with my little ones but i know it'll never be the same. I see them all together and they seem so happy and close and then i come back to ours and its so lonely. I'm sick of being strong and just want a support network i guess, people i can turn to, people i know love and care about me....my head and emotions are just in a mess at the moment

OP posts:

Songbird · 18/02/2009 12:06

It sounds like you should really make an effort to fix things with your family (and yes, it was their problem in the first place but now's not the time for blame). It's all water under the bridge, you're obviously not still with the person they didn't approve of so they need to get over it. Do you never invite them to yours? What I find most sad is that you have no close friends (plenty of people get on fine without family around them). Are there no mums you meet at the school gates you could become friendly with. I was in a similar situation and if it was down to my social skills I'd be where you are now! But luckily I met one woman who lives just up the road who I really clicked with; she's really outgoing and friendly which definitely counteracted my crippling shyness and low self-esteem.

I really feel for you, you sound quite depressed.

inthemistsoftime · 18/02/2009 12:20

I think songbird is right, the time has come to talk about what happened even if it is water under the bridge it is still affecting your relationship with them. You maybe need to tell them that you want to be part of the family again.

helsbels4 · 18/02/2009 12:25

I was going to say exactly the same. Maybe try and talk with your mum and tell her exactly how you are feeling. Unless she's as hard as nails then surely she will be compassionate to you. I do understand though, that sometimes these things are easier said than done.

Original poster

SilverSparkle · 18/02/2009 12:32

The last time i was there my mum did ask me if i was happy and i said no....we were disturbed so that was the end of the conversation but as my mum she must see my unhappiness in my eyes.

I understand why they want to keep me "hidden" when they have guests cos they don't want to be gossiped about again but it still doesn't hurt anyless knowing their reasons.

I have close friends but they are scattered all over the place, non that i can pop over to in an evening. I would just love to have a few people i know where i can pop in and have a brew and a chat every now and again.

OP posts:

Songbird · 18/02/2009 12:41

Well, I'm sorry, I know I don't know any of the details, but they should not (still) want to hide you away, nor should you accept this. Your mum obviously cares about you or she wouldn't have even noticed you looked unhappy, let alone asked you about it, so they need to get over it. They should be bloody proud of you for raising your two children alone, and make it clear to their friends that they are!!!!

Original poster

SilverSparkle · 18/02/2009 12:46

When i recieved this particular text i did let me sibling know what i understand why it has to be this way but it hurts to hear it. The reply was that i didn't have to leave immediately and if anyone did come over i could hide and then sneak out.....i'm not some leper and i have 2 kids, how do i explain to them that we need to hide. I'm not a bad person and i've never done anything bad to another person yet i feel i am being punished in the worst way. Rejection is an awful punishment.

OP posts:

alicecrail · 18/02/2009 12:49

Why not try a mn meet up like lisalisa suggested? There is a thread going at the moment with other mnetters organising various meet ups. What have you got to lose?
If you are happy and secure you will find it easier to broach the problems with your family. One step at a time, you are only human and you might find it easier to make a secure social life first. If that makes any sense

Songbird · 18/02/2009 12:51

Unbelievable!!! I'll understand if you don't want to say, but what really happened, and when was it? On the face of it it seems like they're totally out of order, and it's hard to know where they're coming from. Do your parents say the same sort of things as your sibling or is it just them (brother or sister, by the way). Might it be that your sibling loves being 'the good one'?

Songbird · 18/02/2009 12:52

Quite right alice! I'm fixating on the family as it's making my blood boil

Kitsilano · 18/02/2009 12:54

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. My heart goes out to you. Are there any local single parent groups you could join? Where are you?

alicecrail · 18/02/2009 12:58

Also, you don't say how old you are. In my area they have a young parents group which is very popular, although any group could get you meeting people

Original poster

SilverSparkle · 18/02/2009 13:00

Its all happened 10 years ago. I met someone and i told my family. I didn't tell them cos he was th elove of my life, i told them cos i was sick of lying to them about where i was each time they called and i was out and i think one of my brothers was getting suspicious. After that tey wanted me home but i said no cos i knew they would never trust me ever again. After a few months they said i couldn't have both in my life and they cut me off. I lost them all overnight. No phonecalls nothing. 2 years later out of the blue i had an e-mail. we caught up and i went to visit expecting this huge reunion...it wasn;t that at all. It was awkward and difficult and i left feeling upset. In those years there were a handful of visits, always me going to visit them cos as i was told, it was easier for me to go to them then all of them come to me.

Last year i finally decided i needed to have them in my life properly or not at all cos it had always been painful. I let my brother know and have been to visit with my DC a few times since. These visits have been much better with my siblings and their partners but my parents and i hardly speak, for the sole reason that i think neither of us know what to say to each other.

In the past 10 years i have always missed them and special occasions have been hard esp when i've been alone and i know that their all celebrating together.

OP posts:

Original poster

SilverSparkle · 18/02/2009 13:04

I don't know if there are any single parent groups nearby, to be honest i've never looked. I live in Herts.

I try not to feel sorry for myself but at times like this i can't help but wonder what i've done that has been so bad to end up so alone and isolated.

OP posts:

alicecrail · 18/02/2009 13:12

I have a lot of family in herts. Where abouts?

Original poster

SilverSparkle · 18/02/2009 13:14

Hatfield

OP posts:

alicecrail · 18/02/2009 13:17

My sister is in stevenage and is quite lonely too. She has 2 dd aged 5 and 2. Perhaps you should look up the meet up thread

Original poster

SilverSparkle · 18/02/2009 13:18

I have 2 DS aged 2 (3 next month) and 4.5

OP posts:

ilove · 18/02/2009 13:21

But what was so wrong with him that they cut you off?

Original poster

SilverSparkle · 18/02/2009 13:22

What was wrong with him? He was the wrong colour

OP posts:

ilove · 18/02/2009 13:25

In that case then I wouldn't be hiding and skulking around with your children and I'd refuse to have anyone tell me I should!

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