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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Am i the loneliest person ever

72 replies

SilverSparkle · 18/02/2009 11:37

I don't even know where to start my post to be honest. I grew up in a large family but when i chose to live my life my way and make my own decisions i wasn't part fo the family anymore. Over the years some contact has been resumed but its all so awkward etc. I have 2 very young DC and am a single mum.

I am so lonely it hurts....it really hurts! I don't really have my family....i can visit but i don't have them for support. I have no close friends nearby at all. I have no one. I work fulltime and children are in school and nursery and i do everything, absolutely everything.

I don't know what i am looking for by posting this....maybe some words of comfort, i really don't know....all i know is i am at a very low point at the moment....very low.

OP posts:

jackie07 · 18/02/2009 15:10

Hi,SilverSparle,i really feel for you,i havent got my family around or friends.just few people that i know but cant really be myself when with them.And its hard to make new friends, trying to find someone you click with!I would recommend u finding an organization for asian women(or posting on here),they might put you in contact with other women in situations just like yours.sometimes you bond easier with someone who had a simillar experiences.ask your HV.
p.s.i think that you are really strong,stronger then you think,and you will meet someone great that will love you and your kids!
I would give your mum one more chance by writing her a letter,telling her how you feel.if that doesnt work,you will have to move on,and you will do it!and become stronger.

Original poster

SilverSparkle · 18/02/2009 15:11

No, if people knew i was back in touch with them and visiting nothing would come of it, i;m sure. Of course people would talk but then like anything else it would eventually stop.

OP posts:

Original poster

SilverSparkle · 18/02/2009 15:12

Thankyou jackie07. All these posts are so kind that their making me well up again.

OP posts:

Songbird · 18/02/2009 15:13

Exactly, that's what's so ridiculous about the whole thing!

Original poster

SilverSparkle · 18/02/2009 15:16

When i visit, they have photo's of the whole family around the house....everyone except me. When my eldest was born i send photo's of him to my mum but i have no idea where these photo's are.

Everything about it is painful.

OP posts:

jackie07 · 18/02/2009 15:16

and also,you will start feeling sorry for your family,because they are missing out on you and your kids!

helsbels4 · 18/02/2009 15:20

SilverSparkle, I know exactly what you mean when you say you are tired of being strong and need someone to be there for you. It's so hard and you always feel as if you're looking out for others but nobody is looking out for you. If you wrote a heart-felt letter to your mum explaining everything, would that be "easier" than talking directly to her or a family member? At least she could fully take in what you have said and think about her response over time. If she then comes back and says she can't over-look the past then you will know it is time to move on. On the other hand, she may finally appreciate how lonely and in need of her love you are and make bridges towards you. Either way, you will know where you stand.

Original poster

SilverSparkle · 18/02/2009 15:22

Yes helbels4, i would definately find a letter easier than face to face as i might get too upset to say everything i need to face to face.

OP posts:

helsbels4 · 18/02/2009 15:30

Well then I think that is where you must go now. Start jotting down all the things that you feel you must get across and exactly what you would like to ultimately achieve. Say it exactly as it is and state that they are missing out on seeing your two wonderful dc's growing up. I really hope that it all ends well for you

Original poster

SilverSparkle · 18/02/2009 15:36

I think my children aren't on the top of my parents list...they have 7 other grandchildren....

I'm wondering if i'm better off just cutting my losses, knowing where i stand and moving on with my life....

OP posts:

Original poster

SilverSparkle · 18/02/2009 15:37

I'm so sorry for being on a downer, all you lovely people are trying to help. I really need to snap out of this i know and i'm so sorry

OP posts:

Songbird · 18/02/2009 15:37

It may come down to this, but give it one last shot.

Songbird · 18/02/2009 15:41

Yes, come on, you snap out of 10 years of hurt and pain by the people you should be able to trust!

If only it were that easy Sparkle. You're doing brilliantly!

helsbels4 · 18/02/2009 15:45

I think the same, write to your mum, say it how it is and then however she responds to that, will show you whether there is a place for you in their lives or if you really would be better to move on. You will never truly know until you do and you are quite entitled to be on a downer when you have your own flesh and blood putting what others think above your well-being but your healt-felt thoughts in a letter might be just what your mum needs to realise the situation here.

Original poster

SilverSparkle · 18/02/2009 15:49

Losing them has always affected my life in some way. I changed when i lost my family. I used to be a bubbly person but not so much now. I'm too serious now i think. I never used to feel low but since this all happened i do now....not sure if its depression or the hurt and pain from the rejection.... I can't let this go on for another 10 years can i

OP posts:

helsbels4 · 18/02/2009 15:58

No, you can't let this go on any longer because it is making you ill. You need to know where you stand and so the sooner you communicate with your family the sooner the direction you need to go in will be clearer to you. Get the dc's to bed later and start to construct a rough draft of what you need to say. Do it ASAP!

Original poster

SilverSparkle · 18/02/2009 16:04

Thankyou, i will definately draft it out and get it all off my chest.

In the past i have had short spells of counselling too but i never feel any better, it never seems to help.....

OP posts:

helsbels4 · 18/02/2009 18:36

I don't suppose the counselling will really help until you know exactly the position you are in - ie either that your family want you back or they can't accept what you did - either way, you need to know. Good luck

mamas12 · 18/02/2009 18:41

I agree with Jacki07 try and find an organisation with women who have been through this situation, they will have a wealth of knowledge and support, practical and emotional. Please ask your h.v. you need that kind of support at the moment from women who gone through it and know what it's like. Good luck to you and your lovely dcs

AMAZINWOMAN · 18/02/2009 20:02

Have you tried Gingerbread?

They may have weekly meetings where you can take the children and hopefully meet some like minded people.

AMAZINWOMAN · 18/02/2009 20:15

Also, try singlewithkids

they do holidays and days out for single parents. Again, you can take the kids with you.

Kitsilano · 19/02/2009 22:50

Here is the link to Gingerbread

161.115.srvlist.ukfast.net:7744/portal/page/portal/Website/For%20lone%20parents/Membership/Groups

They have friendship groups for single parents in many areas.

Why not phone the helpline or look up your local group.

I know some of your lonliness and unhappiness is down to how your family have rejected you but I'm sure there are lots of other single parents who feel very alone too and who would have lots in common with you.

Having contact with other adults might help to make day to day life seem less of a struggle. Even if your family are never what you wish they could be, you can still have caring, fulfilling, supportive friendships/relationships.

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