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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lets tell all those out there what life's really like raising children by yourself, it may remove the thought that it's easy!

63 replies

scrooged · 26/01/2009 21:19

My life:
I've been a student for years, I have a degree already but am unable to work all the hours I need to for a job in this field because of childcare and needing to spend some time with my son. I am exhausted all the time, I'm up early to get him to school, I go to Uni/hospital (placement), work all day then rush to collect him, bring him home, supervise homework, cook tea, bath him then put him to bed. I do this every day, exhausted or not. Every day is the same. When he's ill I take time off as there's no one else to look after him. I do all the housework as there's no one else, when he's ill I'm the one up all night/taking him to the doctors/hospital. I buy everything for him on my titchy income, we have never been on a holiday as I fund a 2 bed house and him so there's not alot spare. We don't go anywhere in the school hoidays as I can't afford it, I spend most (99%) evenings alone, I don't go out, I hardly see my friends. I've lost jobs because I needed to take time off to look after him when he's been ill. I'd love a cleaner or a mothers help for a couple of days a week so I would be able to have a break from dashing around at full speed. I don't have time for breakfast as I'm too busy getting him ready for school so am often hungry. I have the worry of not being able to care for him if I become ill, I worry about being late to drop him off at school/collecting him late, I worry about being unable to pay the bills, whether he's OK at school, whether I have enough food to feed him (I have been known to eat only biscuits because I have had no money and have given him the food we have). I have been evicted from a house because I lost a job after taking time off when he was ill. I could go on but I can't be bothered.

Easy hey!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
bluejelly · 26/01/2009 22:56

It is hard, but I still maintain it's better than being in a bad relationship. Far better.
I found that once I stopped chastising myself for having 'failed' to give my dd a good dad, things got easier. She also grew up, I got more secure.
My life is not easy, but it's comfortable.

I do think I am lucky having the support of my family and a great job. And some days it does definitely get me down. But generally it's alright.

scrooged · 26/01/2009 22:56
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YeToxicHighRoad · 26/01/2009 23:00

Tortoise, could you contact Home Start for a bit of post-operative help?
I remember when my DH was away for 2 weeks yyears ago (DCs were 3yrs and 6 months old), he thought he'd have to be away for another week, and I was seriously prepared to get us all on a plane and join him.
You all have my admiration.

popcorn123 · 26/01/2009 23:04

Have been a single parent for 10 months - so not that long. Practically it isn't any different as ex did absolutely nothing.

The hardest part (didn't realise) how hard is the emotional side if thins - no one to discuss things with were you are worries about health/behaviour - all the decisions have to made on your own with no thinking soace, the lonliness of going long periods with no adult chat, rarely getting out in evening.

The 2 days I felt the lonliest were ds's birthday and christmas morning. dc's enjoyed it, I was happy, but felt overwhelmed at being the only person respinsible for making them feel special and generating excitement. I felt so alone it hurt - I really wanted someone to share it with.

makkapakkamoo · 26/01/2009 23:25

could some of you please take a look at my thread? i think there may be some experience and advice here that i could use. i don't know how to do the link but its: Relationships- Planning to leave
Thank you
xx

scrooged · 26/01/2009 23:32

point me to the thread. I hay have to get back to you tomorrow though as I am up early (again)and need to go to bed.

OP posts:
makkapakkamoo · 26/01/2009 23:35

thanks scrooge, i am in the process of leaving my abusive dp and i am struggling to come to terms. need encouragement and advice pls xx

my thread

scrooged · 26/01/2009 23:36
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OP posts:
scrooged · 26/01/2009 23:36
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OP posts:
WheresTheAuPair · 28/01/2009 00:11

Honestly? In general its not much different for me-relentless. I did everything before anyway but somehow my bedtime in now midnight rather than 10.30.

Bad days tho are when the baby (3 months) and DS1 (2) seem to be in tune with each other and get me up all through the night in alternate hours. I'm coming down with a cold and know that its business as usual. No one to bring me a lemsip in bed!

I feel sad that my sons will grow up without the 2 people that made them watching their milestones together. The baby will never really know him and how will I tell him that daddy left when he was 4 weeks old? Heartbreaking. I just hope that a) karma bites him in the ass and b) if there is a reason for everything then I hope its a damn good one for this mess.

allgonebellyup · 28/01/2009 18:16

Ive been a single parent for 2yrs in April, i dont find it too hard at all. i work full time (in a secondary school) which i love as i get to be with other adults all day.

i am lucky in that both my dc go away most weekends so i have that time to myself to have a social life! and as i work i do have enough money to enjoy this!

However i do still miss my ex a lot.
The first time i really hated being on my own was last night as i was throwing up every 20mins throughout the night, which soon turned into blood being thrown up, and nobody was there to care. i had to scrub the carpet myself!

And also at xmas things i feel a bit sad, but thats about it!!!

My mum brought 5 of us up on her own, as well as being a full time teacher, and i can see the pattern thats occuring!

MollieO · 28/01/2009 21:50

allgonebellyup wish I got weekends 'off'.

What I find hard is the loneliness, lack of a social life, lack of spontaneity, coping with major life decisions from medical care for ds when he was born to choosing his school. Trying to juggle work and home life and feeling that I am shit at both.

Lmccrean · 28/01/2009 22:17

Ive been raising DD on my own for 6 years (her dad moved away a few weeks after I told him I was pregnant). Ive never known it any other way, so I cant say its harder or easier! I am lucky to have a very good relationship with dds dad, and now can discuss things with him if I need to (tho he wasnt in contact until dd was almost 4)

My biggest problem is my social life. My last night out was in September. Evenings can get lonely, so I fill them with coursework and random "projects". My friends compliment on how organised and productive I am, and I cant tell them the truth - I do it all so I dont have time to think about how lonely I am. I dont want them to feel sorry for me!

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