I became a single parent today, partner has left the family home as he says he is not longer in love with me

[inthemistsoftime]

well thats it really.

Feel I am being punished for something I haven't done.

I have 2 dc and I really dont know how I am going to get through this shit bit of my life.

Cant eat, cant sleep, want to curl up in a warm safe place and never come out, but I have 2 dc so no chance of that.

I have told people in RL and they are very supportive but I cant bear the thought of sleeping alone.

How do I get through this without losing it?

Feel a bit suicidal but know that is not the answer, I wont le the bastards grind me down.

Thanks for listening.

inthemists I so hope it was ok tonight. It is so incredibly hard for at the moment and the first weeks and months are awful but it makes us stronger as well. I couldnt imagine that I could ever be strong enough to survive what I went through but I did and am so much happier and better for it!

You will be ok but give it time and rely on others for support.

yes it has been a bit of a roller coaster evening!!!

maintaining politeness for the sake of the children but also for my dignity.

has drinks with a new friend and felt happy to confide in her, another moral support for me and a friend to spend lonely evenings chatting with.

when I saw him he looked rough, rather pleased me actually, I hope he has a miserable xmas as well as I have the dcs.

Good to hear you are holding up. It isnt easy particularly at first and you will have good and bad days as I have. You sound really strong but dont forget that it is Ok to feel sad and to grieve for what is lost as this will give you the strangh to move forwards. I used to allow myself a quiet time every now and again to embrace my sadness. Gradually these get less and less and the good days more and more. Take care

oh god it hurts so much

Life is a messy business. There is no escaping pain in the end when you love people.
I am glad you have lots of supportive sisters. I have two sisters who are always there through my ups and downs.

Hope you're feeling better. I remember in the early days the grief and disbelief crashing over me in waves, almost paralysing me and then picking myself up and getting on with it. It does get easier with time, i'm 7 months on and the good days are starting to out number the bad. Thinking of you x

the more I talk about it with friends, I am realising that it is final, no chance of reconcilliation.

the grief is overwelming me at the moment, but i need to use it to propel me forward. I need to build a new life for me and the dcs.

sorry for rambling.

you're not rambling at all, let it all out on here, its what its for.

I think in the early days you are just so shocked its hard to comprehend whats happened, then its almost like you have to go through all the pain again when you start to come to terms with it.

You and your children will be ok, its hard but you will get there. x

my mind never stops, all day and most of the night.

I long for oblivion, but even that is denied to me.

I feel so unloved so unwanted, and so old.

the only thing keeping me going are the dcs

That's normal. It is extremely stressfull. Try and make sure you eat well and rest as much as possible. Look after the practicalities and just keep swimming, days pass, things ease and gradually change.

When you are ready make a bit of effort with your appearance -maybe get a new hairstyle which often helps people feel a bit better when going through this kind of thing.

I sent him an email this morning explaining that I will be moving in such and such an area as I am now a single parent with 2 dcs, and I haven't heard from him, shit bag!!!!

sent him a text to say "read your email" so its not like he doesn't know I have sent it.

will have to just wait!!!!!

Are you partners or not married? Is the house in France in joint names?
If you aren't married property in joint names is usually divided by two unless you agreed in writing to hold it in a different percentage. If you are married the financial arrangements you get are very different.

Whether you are married or not he has to pay 20% of his net income for the children if they live with you - does he want them or you? No assumption a father should necesssarily not have the children but doesn't sound as though he wants them. Deducted from the 20% are for the nights they are with him.

xenia, thanks for the info, we are married and all assets are in joint names.

I have been a SAHM for 10 years as one of the dcs is special needs, will this have any impact on the setlement?

Im so sorry to hear of your current situation - My ex had an affair for 6 ys dd only 8 yrs! - anyway we are almost 9 months down the line and believe me although it wont seem like it at first the time has flown - In that short period we have moved into rented house moved areas - new school new job etc and am about to buy a new permenant house for me and dd - I also have another job interview next week as well. I really feel for you at this point in time I know you can be very very bitter - it is like grief only sometimes a bit worse as they are still around and happy and you have to be nice in front of the kids for their sake - visit here often and rant all you like Take comfort in the fact that hes a total shit if he can walk out on his family he will definately do it again to the slapper! - think of things you want to do - get a good solicitor l;egail aid funding etc etc working families tax credits help and just focus on getting through each day its not easy but you will soon find you will be like me 9 months on and moving on ( dont get me wrong I would be blissfully happy if he dropped down dead) but Im getting on with my life and it feels good You can do it and you will surprise yourself with the strength you will find within yourself for you and your children. My thoughts are with you xxx

thanks taken4

I am getting stronger but it will be a while yet!!!!

this thread has been a life saver for me.

You are doing really well inthemists and everyday you will inch along the track to making a better life for yourself and your dc.