I became a single parent today, partner has left the family home as he says he is not longer in love with me

[inthemistsoftime]

well thats it really.

Feel I am being punished for something I haven't done.

I have 2 dc and I really dont know how I am going to get through this shit bit of my life.

Cant eat, cant sleep, want to curl up in a warm safe place and never come out, but I have 2 dc so no chance of that.

I have told people in RL and they are very supportive but I cant bear the thought of sleeping alone.

How do I get through this without losing it?

Feel a bit suicidal but know that is not the answer, I wont le the bastards grind me down.

Thanks for listening.

I am on anti depressants at the moment can you take sleeping pills as well?

Going to the DRs today so can ask there, am feeling very vunerable at the moment

I dont want to talk to the Dr but I must if he is to give me the medication I need

Good luck inthemists. Hope the Dr sorts something out.

Did X change his phone without telling you? That seems a little irresponsible because what if you needed to contact him over the dcs? Are you phoning him a lot and depending on him for support?

no he didn't change his phone number, he just turns it off when it suits him

really sorry inthemists. It does get easier, but it's hard to imagine that now. Some ad's can make you tired too, maybe you can ask for those instead of sleeping pills, sorry can't remember name but I tried them after my break up and had to stop as I was falling asleep all the time

So sorry you are going through this, my h left me in april. I still have days where i feel like crying and hiding away from the world, but they are no longer the norm. You will get through this, you are shocked atm, do not make any important decisions and focus on you and the children. Thinking of you.

That is horrific, it makes me angry. He sounds very selfish.
You will get through this week, as you are strong, and in the right.
You say he is a good dad, but has he not considered the children's reactions to him taking off like this?
Perhaps ask someone to come and stay with you for a while, if that is an option, or ask someone to look after the kids while you get some time to yourself, to think things through and look after yourself.
Wishing you strength and peace

I have been reading a thread on MN which is talking about acts people have carried out to seek revenge on a partner.

It has made me smile but also realise that I fall into the category of preferring not to commit such acts but to achieve happiness by myself or with someone else, as being the best form of revenge.

The anti depressants have started to kick in and I am on a high!!

Its his loss, the children, me, our life.

Life is for the taking and I am going to "HAVE IT"

inthemistsoftime - glad you are feeling better tonight. you will have ups and downs. You are right - you don't need revenge, but don't be surprised if you are very angry sometimes. It is his loss, but hopefully he will maintain good access with the children so that neither he nor they lose out on that.

Good luck!!

inthemistsoftime, I know it sounds easy to say but you will be able to look back on this one day as a horrible challenge that you overcame.

I was in the exact same position as you in July 07 and it was like being hit with a 4x4 I just didn't think I could do it.

I now realise that ex-dh did me a massive favour as the house is much more pleasant without him. He and the woman he moved in with had a baby this past summer and it has made them both miserable. Now I am not exactly condoning the deliciously wicked feeling of Schadenfraude (sp?) I have but my revenge is that me and dts (they are soon to be 7 years old) have done so well.

I think there is a saying about the best revenge being a life well led. That is what we are doing. I'm still on the anti-depressants but it won't be forever.

Think on this as the worst time but that it will soon pass, and there will be dark days where you just want to curl in a ball and cry - do it. Get it out. Come on here and post you'll always get support. Don't bottle it up, you have a right to feel shattered but you owe yourself to pick up the pieces and make a life for you and your dcs.

Believe me, you will be better off in the end.

I havent read all the posts but i just wanted to add my 2pence

This was me a few months ago, i couldnt stop crying i couldnt eat or sleep and just felt sick all the time, i lost a stone in the first week!

i am finally starting to feel like i dont need XP, today i went through all my stuff boxing up anything that he gave me ready to go into the attic just in case DS ever wanted any of it, and it was very liberating!

I never thought i would get over him at all, was mourning for the lost 'family' i wanted so bad to give DS.

If someone had said to me that in 3 monhs time i would actually rather be a single parent i wouldnt believe them! but i do, i have no one to answer too, i dont have to compromise i can just do things when i want to do them!

I know that you will hear it alot and it wont be what you want to hear but time is a great healer and you WILL get over him it will just be a slow, steady, painful process.

I too felt angry that XP could just get on with his life and not even think about us, while i had to stay home every night with no one to talk to once DS was in bed.

I honestly dont think i would have managed to get through this without DS, he has ben a little star! (now 10 months)

I am sorry you are going through this

I like the positive feel of your last thread.

My exH up and left this time last year, I new we were not madly in love but I thought it was allright, the fact he moved in straight away with his GF added to my shock and anger.

I remind myself that there is a whole big wide world out there and in the big picture exH and all the pain in the arse stuff he does is a very small insignificant part of my big wide world.

I also remind myself that it was nothing to do with me not being enough for him, rather that he was not enough of a man for me and it is his lackings not mine that finished us off.

Although he is 6'4" my exH is a very small person .

Plus his GF who is ten years younger than me (suprise suprise) now after a year with him looks twice as old, twice as wide and has a very strange hairdo that does not flatter her at all, shame isn't it.

so keep looking to a positive future and even though at times it will be with tears in your eyes I know. You have your life sweetheart and make the most of it

I meant your last post BTW inthemistsoftime

Just wanted to say, it won't feel like it but you will get through it.

My exDH left on the same day 2 years ago and the first 3 months was the worse.

But so many positive things have happened since have met a wonderful man and am so much happier .

I didn't notice how unhappy I was and it wasn't until I started living my life for me and the dc's that I realised how much more like me I was.

(((hugs))))) be kind to yourself and let people help if they offer, you will need support and someone to scream at as the anger at first can be all consuming.

It is funny as I am beginning to realize that life will be much more fun without him.

I am determined that the kids shouldn't feel the loss in any way so am concentrating on them for the moment.

Money and property will become an issue later, but for the time being I am just living for the day.

I think he must be having a massive guilt trip at the moment and the great thing is I am not!!!!

Life goes on without him.

Good to here you are still being positive.

That has hit me too how unhappy I really was with him, lots of people have comented on how much happier I seem now and how I look great and all that, its nice that people notice and tell me too .

One thing I noticed, half the money coming in but twice as much for me to spend, funny that

Still hanging in there, I made the mistake of looking on facebook, and seeing lots of "friends" that I dont know about!!!!

What a mug I have been.

Feeling very let down, by him

inthemists we all do it but it makes things worse to know I think. My X moved straight in with his gf and lived 6 doors down form the house we lived in for 12 years and where my youngest was born.

He wanted vengeance and he had it for a while and I have lost all my friends as I found it too difficult for them to be telling me what eh was doing. I wanted to know but didnt as I am sure you understand. I now treat the village as though it had the plague and keep away from all my old friends. It is better that way! I have new friends and have moved right on he hasnt.

am very tearful and sad today

realising that I have to see this man, the father of my children

the man who betrayed me, twice a month for the next 10 years

its going to kill me

how do people do it and remain civil in front of the children

Luckily i havent had that problem yet but as XPs bail is up today i will have to start considering it, although it will only be through a contact centre which will probably help.

dont worry one of the processes you will go through will be hatred so you wont be mourning him then

this is bringing alot of it all back to me, HOW CAN I see him week in week out (in my case 3 times a week - pick up on Tue evening and pick-up and drop-off at the weekend), but it does get better - and you do it because it is generally better for the children to have both parents in their life.

It's a cliche, but but is true that time is a great healer.

Hang in there.

You dont have to see him though. My dd answers the door and goes out and then comes back without me ever seeing my X.

I havent seen him for well over a year and that is how I want to keep it.

Inthemistsoftime, i hate the thought of seeing h every 2 weeks to hand the dcs over but another part of me is terrified of NOT seeing him. Wish i could stay really angry with him all the time, it would make it easier.

I haven't had to deal with this yet as h has been away for 5 months but it will be something we need to sort when he gets back to the uk.

How are you feeling tonight?
I found evenings very hard once the children were in bed, spent alot of time weeping down the phone to my poor sister. Hope you have someone in rl you can lean on.

((((((inthemistoftime)))))))))))))))))
Know sort of how u r feeling same thing happend to me in jan this yr ex hb had at least an emotional affair with his teaching assistant! thinkin about it coincided with him stopping bein affectionate to me!
Told me he didn't know if he loved me i asked him to leave he did !!!!

That shock i can remember clearly even 9 mths down line!!!!!!!!!!

It sooo gets better!!!!!!!is all i am trying to say , take it one day at a time. My ds has been a STAR!!!!!!!!as have friends, strangely i was isolated whilst with him. NOT anymore!My ds is 10.

I HATE MY XH but love the life i have now!

((((((((((((inthemistoftime)))))))))))))

He is picking up the kids this evening for the weekend and I am terrified that I will give myself away, because I know that he has taken a long time to come to his decision its fairly final. I just dont want him to see how much I still love him.

I have managed to arrange to go out with a friend so I am not on my own for the evening.

ambercat, the evenings are the hardest, although as I am not working I get a lot of time by myself in the day as well to think about things.

my sisters (I have 4) are wonderful and ring me every day to check that I am ok. but the sleeping alone nights after night has been the hardest.

sleep doesn't come easily, to add to the mix I have to move back up to London and I am so worried about every thing. finding schools for the children, living in a 2 bed flat with no garden etc, all the normal things that a mother worries about.

this thread has been a life line and everyone has said that it does get easier, god I hope so, I have plunged into the depths of despair, things couldn't get much worse.

Stay strong and don't worry about how he sees you. From now on remind yourself that your priorities are the wellbeing of yourself and your dcs. Never mind him or his opinions, he is unimportant in that respect.

You are doing the right thing, going out. Enjoy yourself! Have one on me!

It is not an easy thing to go through and prepare yourself to feel really low at times but as the months go by it does get better. And it is a good idea to remind yourself of that when you are having a crap time of it.