Partner wants 50% of my money

[robd]

So we have just split up.
Currently we have a £700 mortgage to pay.
Partner works part time and takes home £1000 a month net - but has potential to work almost full time and take home £1600.

She wants to move house to a nicer area with better schools so is not downsizing. Also wants to keep working part time to spend more time with son.

I take home £1700. Will be left with no house, no capital in house.
CSA website suggests £250 a month. I have offered £500 a month.
This got thrown back in my face. How will he have holidays, food etc?
So am I being a complete git for my son - who I will only see 1 day a week by not supporting him? Is my ex just spending too much?
Comments?

Plus she will have the tax credits and child benefit.

go through solicitors. It sounds like it could turn acrimonious.

tell her to stick it. youre being way too generous as it is, why not just pay the minimum? she'll get tax credits to make up the rest.

and you can still spend more on your son as you want to. giving her 500 quid on top of her earnings and tax credits is madness. she's not exactly going to spend all that on one child.

as a comparison i work full time, get tax credits and have never had anything from my ex, money, stuff for kids, nothing.

dont be a sucker just cos she's doing the mealy mouthed single parent routine. i know plenty that piss their maintenance away.

Have you worked out how much the child actually costs (food, clothes, activities, childcare, entertainment, etc.)? You should each pay half.

I agree with you that she should work full time if she can, but I don't think you can make her do that. Of course you too could work part time because you want to spend more time with your son and take him a couple of days per week. In fact you could probably save on the childcare bill of say you took Mondays off and she took Fridays off.

singledadofthree, I find your post really unpleasant.

Agree with previous poster, you need to know what your responsibilities and rights are now you are are separated. Best to go through a third party and formally agree on the financial separation, and custody or visitation rights so everyone knows where they stand.

Once your are separated you need to do right by your son financially (and offering more than csa has suggested is very admirable), but your ex is no longer your responsibility and you should not be emotionally blackmailed into not having a future of your own (including a reasonable home for your son to visit), your are not responsible for paying for your ex's holidays or any excessive housing requirements (you dont seem like the kind of guy that will see them on the street).

If you want to see your son more than one day a week could this be done? We have a separated dad at my workplace who sees his son 2-3 days of the week, he picks up from school and does the homework/dinner mid week a couple of days before dropping off at ex's later at night and/or has the kids at night and drops off at school - custody can be joint if your work will be flexible, you want it and you can both agree.

It will be a difficult and emotional time for everyone which is why it is important to do it formally, dont make decisions you might regret later (you may be feeling guilty about not being there for your son in the future as much as your were before). If you change things later if will cause more amonosity (sp?)

Get legal advice/CAB etc so you know where you stand. If there is already bad feeling (and if you don't agree on resaonable payments then there is bad feeling and it's going to get worse) you need a third party involved to take the heat out of it.

I think you have made a generous offer, if I were you I would repeat your offer and tell her that, if she still feels it is unacceptable you will let her go through CSA as they will calculate it for you.

As to her moving house etc, that is no longer anything to do with you (unless she leaves the cuntry or something). The fact you are paying towards your child does not giveyou the right to have a say in how she lives her life (provided she is looking after your child of course).

Why are you only seeing him one day a week? I am sure you could, legally, she him more than that. If it is your decision then that is fine, I just wondered.

SingleDad, WTF is that all about? In a previous incarnation of mine you and I conversed a lot, I still have your personal contact. I had thought you were a fun, intelligent and caring person. I know that I have been away for a while but have things really changed so much that you have become such an A-hole as to come up with c*ap like that?

unpleasant? seems my advice is sensible and polite in comparison.

he's offering double the money - so what's the problem???

she's getting that without any hassle and only working part time - is there any wonder single parents get a bad image?

In comparison to what? I have a horrible feeling that there is going to be no point talking to you at all is there? You will not see that telling someone to tell their ex to "stick it" is not great.

This is such a shame, you had a kind of special place for me as someone who virtually helped me through a tough patch. (Mainly by ignoring it and bringing out the fun in me!). Never mind.

Actually on reflection I agree with SOD. Tell her to stick it. Then mean it. Don't give her another effing penny. Make her and your child's life difficult. On the few occasions you see you dc keep repeating to him what a mean arse his mother is, how you posted on MN about how she wanted to stay at home with him a bit more and yet you said she could work harder. Keep repeating those messages and wrangling over the last single-ingle penny that might be spent on a pair of thicker winter socks or ski-lesson on a dry-slope for your dc.

Until he thinks no wonder mum and him split.

(unless SHE shagged your best mate/another man etc etc in which case the CONTEXT and pain and anger is different...

At the moment, the law says the children remain with the main carer. That is usually the mother as she is fat and helpless for a while, then ripped,hormonal, trapped and breastfeeding. And after that fucked on the pensions front.

If you want to be the main carer, give up your job and fight. Or give her the money. NOW.

Oi Birdy...get your poncho on. I reckon SOD is showing his true colours.

I am sorry, the op's ex wants half of his entire income.... am I missing something? That is not reasonable, even on a nearly full moon night!

FOW, I think so too, sad really, I hate being disabused of my notions. Still I will get over it, give me a minute....

There, done

youre getting it?? he is left with no home and no capital.

she gets everything and wants half his income!!!

I got it at the begining, I just didn't feel the need to shout at the op with quite so much venom. We all know you have had a lot to deal with, I am not sure why that gives you the right to behave like this?

he needed shouting at. he had to come on here and ask for advice.

and yeah sorry for the rest of you. have been shit on a bit too much recently.

Errr, no, he needed advice, that is why he asked for... advice.

Anyway, am resigning from this thread now. Hope you manage to sort things out Robd.

There is still no context. Context is all.

Give you an example:

'So we have split up. I have a million-pound mortgage with my famous acrtess wife. My name is Quite Famous Film Director* and I met this girl in a cheesburger bar and got her preggers. She is now demanding 135 bucks a fortnight from me, when contraception was HER responsibility.

I am inclined not to give her a penny as she can get help from the state!!!!!

And yet, I have also agreed to give her quite a lot - more than she deserves considering she was wrapped around a lap-dancing pole that night I met her and half-cut. I mean, ok, I as an averagely-famous film director should have known better.

But I am a decent bloke who is doing his financial duty here plus some, and everyone knows what they are getting into with these babies right?

Why can't she work full time and on full-moon nights allow me to give her thrice my werewolf salary ffs?

1250 per month

700 to house dc and parent (even if house sold rent will be around this amount)
leaves 550 for

council tax £100
telephone £20
water rates £45
electric bill £30
gas bill £30
food £100
transport costs £45
school dinners £64
house building and contents insurance £20
school activities £20
christmas savings £20
holiday savings £50
pension £30
pocket money for dc £6
£550 total

Child benifit will £75 per month for one dc and that will cloth the child

tax credit and child tax credit will be nominal due to earnings of exwife but a few more pounds in the bank and will cover 80% of child care

The ex is using the proceeds of the house sale to buy a new house, hence the op has no capital from the sale. Further there will be minimal mortgage.

This does change things. Further he is offering double CSA guidlines. The £500 would pay for all of the outgoings you have listed. A little unfair really I think!

Oh bum, I am not here anymore am I [grr]

Mmmm? And your point? Splitting up is shit. The financial fall-out is shit. Fathers lose full-time care of their children, single mothers find it very very hard to find another man who will have them/love them and they put their children first (usually) while the ex is the single bloke you see in the pub all the frigging time saying 'my kids live with their mum'..fancy another drink?

Or not.

Whatever.
Humans are just not predisposed to being fair to each other in the event of an emotional fuck-up. They argue over money and fairness.

But the law is the law...at the moment re small children. 'She could work full-time' ugh. So? And you could work fuller time. Shifts. Two jobs, a bar job and an IT job, anything to make things work. Is there not a creche at your place of work?? No????? Then there bloody should be so fathers can have their children. Are there no creches at her jobS??? No?? Then there should be..and free taxi services to drop the kids of split parents off.

Come on.

If you don't like it rob or SOD, join FFJ and swing from Big Ben. Ohterwise, be lovely for your children, as caring as possible towards your ex (Both of you (given CONTEXT -impossible to be lovely if one of you has screwed matron iykwim) and make sure your children have secure happy lives. Stop whinging about farkin money.

If the state didn't step in there would still be poor houses and paupers graves.

and who do you think paid for poor houses and paupers graves? yes in one the state