Does everybody hate us?

[beansmum]

I have been really surprised by the recent threads about single parents. I have never before felt like people thought I was 'scrounging' or that I shouldn't be allowed to SAH. Do people just hide their feelings better in RL? Do all my friends actually think I should get off my arse and get a job? Do they constantly worry about their tax money supporting me?

I must be quite far down the list of people deserving of help as well. My husband didn't die, I wasn't abused, I always knew I was going to be a single parent. AND I have never paid tax.

I knew I was going to be a single parent too. No divorce, widowhood etc. I have worked and paid taxes etc all the way through and before I became a mum but I do sense some unspoken dissaproval. I didn't have a choice but to work, if it had been differently I would have SAH especially in the early years. I thought that other single mums that did were lucky and I felt jealous, sometimes.

We can only do what's best given our circumstances. Hopefully your friends don't feel the same. The posters on here are hiding behind a computer screen so can let their resentment out. I think there is a 'stereotype' that people secretly like to look down on especially when they can see people coping and not appearing to be downtrodden.

Single parents do pay tax, just not income tax. They pay council tax, tv tax, inheritence tax, value added tax, capital gains tax. I could go on.

I hate it when people look down on you, cos they're in a relationship and you're not!
The people that feel smug just cos they're married.

They don't hate us, they like us as it makes them feel better!

who cares if they hate us! Fuck em!

I have nothing but respect for lone parents

Well said J20

just to add, my ex looked down on me for being a single mother on a council estate(though he hid it well while i was getting his end away) even though i was working pt too, then he left me pg and owing me 3K to swan off round Australia and deny all knowledge. Who is the better person i wonder?

i don't much care if they do hate us, and i didn't choose to be a lone parent.

now Kerrymum, you know your gonna get flamed for that!

well i wouldn't go so far as saying all married people are miserable, i wasn't miserable.

No they don't.

IMO there are 3 categories of people who hate us:

1. The outright stupid

1. The scared

1. The unhappy and jealous

Everyone else knows that some single mothers are gits and some are marvellous and some are gits some days and marvellous others.

Intelligent people are able to distinguish between policies they may disagree with and people living their lives and doing their best. Stupid people aren't. Of the latter, there's a lot of it about.

Yes I think it's a bit mad of you to say all married people are miserable KM.

You know that's a mad thing to say though, don't you?

I have nothing but admiration for lone parents. I couldn't do it.

I don't have alot of respect for people who are in a position to work and choose not to, married or not.

I am smugly married but totally in awe of all single parents.

I have nothing but respect for you all (except KM as she said I was fucking miserable whereas I would class myself as only miserable on a mediocore level )

at noonki

KM, you have to remember that people tend to use MN as a venting mechanism. So "my DH was so sweet, he brought me a cup of tea in bed having done the laundry correctly, vacuumed the house, fixed the washing machine, administered seven orgasms in a row and unloaded the dishwasher" isn't likely to figure as most thread titles. And it wouldn't cause much of an argument.

Actually scrap that, this is mumsnet, it would. "The bastard! Didn't he clean the car and mow the lawn?" "YABU you are a lazy cow why are you in bed, why aren't you out working to pay the mortgage, why should he be responsible for that?"

Etc. etc. ad nauseum.

I met with some real life friends today who are either married or engaged and living together. All have Dc/'s. I always feel the odd one out and I always feel envious of their happy little lives. Today though, one of them said that I am more the norm than they are(being a single parent). Maybe she's right, but I still hanker after being the happy family ~ 2.4 kids, mum and dad etc...
I've always been a single parent. I worked full time up until my maternity leave started at the end of 2006, now I'm on a career break so I'm on benefits for the first time since starting work at 16. It did feel horrible for me, but I also felt that actually, I've paid into the system for more than 27 years, so why the hell not? bugger what people think of me for staying home to bring my children up for a few years. None of their bloody business.

you can search all you like Kerry and you won't find one post where i have moaned about my DH, you will however find many where i have said lovely things about him.
i suppose before my DH died people may well have seen us as smug marrieds.

even when i still had my DH here, i didn't hate/dislike or treat lone parents differently.

I don't know why but when I glanced at this title again, I started humming

"We are Millwall
We are Millwall
We are Millwall
From the den

No-one likes us
No-one likes us
We don't care
We don't care"

I should probably go to bed, shouldn't I?

I'm a single parent.. let people look down on me, they can stereotype me all they want, I know my shoes probably cost more than their entire outfit but more importantly I know that I am happy and that my dd is happy, well adjusted little girl who has everything she needs including a secure and happy home.

beansmumits not just single mums that are looked down on its anyone claiming benefits including those on the sick, there are plenty of married couples living in council houses claiming benefits, don't worry about what other people think especially because no one knows what the future holds and they themselves could be in the same boat.