Weird and wonderful things said by ex's

[LRB978]

Okay, a bit light-hearted. I know my ex says some fantastic things, wondered what others have said. Some of xps gems are:

If you dress ds in pink you will turn him gay. (Don't ask about the pink, you really don't want to know)

If you let ds go without pants his bits will get cold. (Duh. If ds wants to go commando on a weekend then that is up to him IMO)

Implied at the same time - If DS goes commando he will be a target for paedophiles (no comment)

If I had money you know I would give it to you. (Ok, I think most non-paying nrp use this, but - you can afford to drink, smoke, go out at least once most weeks, buy yourself reasonable expensive electrical products etc etc, of course you have no money)

Just a few. Sure I will think of more. What gems have other ex's come up with?

Glitterfairy - there are good and bad, men and women.

Since all this happened, I have had more help from female friends than male ones. I do have trust issues (and have been to known to ask friends to shoot me if I ever I ever have another serious relationship). But I know enough that this is my issue and not about women in general!

Another peach from my ex:
`He cries because you pick him up and cuddle him when he's upset - he doesn't like being touched!'

So presumably the right thing to do when he was distressed was to leave him where he was. Poor kid.

I cuddle him at every opportunity I get now though.

That I am 'potentially harming' dd for allowing her to have an afternoon nap.

Wtf?

"Theres no shame in being a bastard these days so it will understand if I dont bother seeing it"

this was this morning about his unborn child

By refusing to have an abortion Im "dictating" to him

"you might as well get rid of it or Im moving to China"

"but I always put you and the kids first. I'm paying all the bills..." - he left us for his OW in march (mothers Day), I pay all the bills, he has just to pay the mortgage of £800 (in lieu of child maintenance) out of his take home pay of c.£5k per month and hasn't been paying it for 6 months!!!!!Got a letter re repossession...

"I'm sleeping in my car cos mummy won't let me back int he house" - to 5yo dd and 6 yo ds when in actual fact he was living in a 3 bed det house in a lovely area with OW. He chose to leave. Forgot this lie when he took them back to his tho and they saw who had really been telling the truth

"Why won't you be her friend?" - re OW who desperately wants to be my best friend and who baked cakes for all my fiends 2 weekends ago - WTF??????

"I've issued proceedings against you now sop that's you got it coming..." - he has paid to issue procededings against me to declare all my finances when they were already lodged with the court and he had refused to do his!!!!

Friends not fiends!!!!!

Lostdad I know but I guess i expect it of men (experience I think!) and ashamed when a woman behaves this way.

After ten minutes of banging on his door with no reply at the handover time (same time for a year now) so that he can see his dd, I tried his house phone and got 'Ello Deb, I just woke up, what do you want?'

and

'I cn't have dd next weekend, I'm going on a shopping trip.'

or even

'I can't have dd today, I have a bad cold.'

and

'If I can't have dd til 4pm (overnight) it's not worth it so forget it'

and

'I'm glad we can still be friends' (at me being civil through gritted teeth)

and his mum to me when I first left 'you should leave the house to him, you know it'll be a lot harder for him to get rehoused than you cos you've got dd'

"If you tell me you're leaving I will shoot you and then shoot myself". (Not an empty threat - he had a shotgun under the bed.)

Guess what? I was outta there.

"I rather go to prison that you get anything out of divorcing me!"

"I can only afford £200 a month to give you" He gets paid 8k a month!!!!!!!!!!

"you will never stop me seeing dd although he has no fixed address and is always late to pick her up oh and then forgets to feed her!!!!!!

'You will never live, without me and my money!' erm, i am still alive

Nighbynight, I think we have the same ex.

'I never hit her.... she hit me regularly but I accepted the police caution because I didnt want my children to be motherless whilst she was in prison..'

'You gave that bruise to yourself by rubbing your arm..'

Thank heaven we are divorced!

'I'm leaving because you're fat and ugly and make me sick'

Actually, he left me because he ws gay.

'Who would ever want to sh*g you?'

Well clearly not him, becaseI was te wrong sex!

'I've never actually struck you with a fist'

No, but he slapped me, pushed me onto the ground, pulled my hair, spat in my face and broke my finger by pushing my arm up my back.

He's a real charmer obviously ;)

Fuzzywuxxy thats a gem like my X who told everyone he was a battered husband!

Yes and the moon is made of cheese and rumplestiltskin is my name! He is now a born again bellringing, choir singing church boy in the village we used to live in. LOLOl the big hypocrite.

fuzzy, yes indeed, I recognise the complete inability to take responsibility for his own actions.

"Without me, you will just go down" is also familiar and seems to be a recurring theme.

Scotia I have a friend who broke up wiht her X and it was because he was gay but didnt say for two years whilst continuing to blame her for it. It has worked out well though they are good friends! He has admitted his mistakes though and apologised profusely and was always ok despite this one huge failing.

my exh favorite was "im the best deal your going to get" ???? his latest is i cant take dc for christmas or new year,because im working.eh ? i got job too. he cant take dc because he gave up his house(council) because he cant afford it ,because the csa arrested his wages.that im out of order getting csa on him because hes a good dad(this is the man who threw me and 3 kids out and wouldnt even give me their clothes).

here's two of my faves from years ago

if you dont tax my car i'm moving back in

and best of all

if you dont pack in work i'm moving back in

'Just don't do the velcro straps up', in response to being told dd needed new shoes (in the same week he bought himself three pairs of new shoes). And 'I just want to fk you right now' as I was picking dd up from his today. Tongue was duly bitten, rather than asking whether if I slept with him he'd buy dd new shoes. Wr!

eeeuuuuw estuaryfairy!

singledadofthree LOL! Presumably that was not what you wanted?

It was eeeuuuw, I suppose, but those sort of comments just don't register with me anymore, I've been hearing them for nine months now. I also got the 'you won't be able to cope as a single parent' rant when we split and I think he's still peeved that I have. He has a really irritating habit of claiming he's 'helping me out' when what he really means is he's looking after DD but the classic is, 'I won't say stupid/hurtful/untrue things if you don't let me' . This is a twunt man of 43!

Oh Yey it is always our faults!

didnt take the car tax seriously tho did pack in work - dont think she approved of my child minder