I guess noone is still up but..

[ShyBaby]

My exp who left me 3 months pregnant and ignored us completely has gotten in touch tonight.

Its been five years since he fell off the face of the earth.

He wants to meet dd and wants to be her dad (so he says).

We were never a one night stand, we had a long history and he's deceived me before.

I wanted this for so many years and i'd given up hope of it ever happening. He wants to meet her. I said of course he could and I was civil, even managed a laugh when years ago I could have seriously hurt him for what he did.

If he lets her down....

How do I do this...I dont know if i've ever felt so confused. Things like this dont happen to me.

In shock I think.

No dittany, that's the thing. I dont want him. Not one bit.

He looks nice, so does Brad Pitt...that's as far as it goes.

I am annoyed. I could be wrong, but it seems to him this is not all about dd.

So what's to say when he realises Im not ever going back there, he wont give up with dd too? That is my main concern. I dont think he's in this for the right reasons.

I hope im wrong.

Unbelievable isnt it?

What did he think my response to that crap would be I wonder? [swoon] "get back in my granny pants quick you hunka burning lurrve".

Sorry I have to laugh...he's so predictable.

Only time will tell I guess but im actually glad he gave me that flannel. Has made me more alert to the possibility that he indeed has not changed and is indeed, still the nasty two timing, selfish git he always has been.

I feel so much better now actually. Last week was like the rug was pulled...I feel more in control now.

Wow I really feel for you. Very quick history, my ex left when I was 8 months pregges and ever since has been dissapearing only to return a few months later with the claim that he wanted to be apart of MY ds life... till the magic words of a money and a set parenting agreement are mentioned then he dissapears again.
I know how crazy you must have been feeling and how confuzzling it all is and how many many many many thoughts all go though your head all at once. Trying to do the best by your dc and meet the expectations of everyone else and find somewhere in there a way to do right by yourself.
Admittedly I recently took the 'easy' way out of the games and ran away... sort of. He know where we are, just that the otherside of the world is a little bit too much of an effort for him. But I pretty much agree with everything you have been told so far, it works. Treat is as a business arrangement, stay emotionally unattached to him. If he starts bringing up the past, bring it back to your dd. Make it all about her. Mention the child support agency and assess his reaction to the parting with his money. Shoot down all advances he makes on you as soon as they happen.
Becarful too that he does not maipulate your view on his other kids mum, unless you know her that is. But it sounds like you only know about her what he has told you and you have made it pretty clear that hes an ass and a liar. You had it right when you said they are no concern of yours and make sure he knows that too. Cut him off if he tries to complain to you about them.
I dont know what you did about the introducing him as her father or mummys friend thing, but if you did the mummys friend thing, tell her hes her dad. There are so many reasons for this, but mostly its because you need to stay true and honest with her as much as possible. As much as we try to protect them, kids are smart and can deal with this stuff. Regardless of if he sticks around or not, your dds questions of where is my daddy are answered and when she is older she will realise the chance you have taken for her and she will love you and respect you more for it.

Its funny. I thought today how I feel like a weight has been lifted.

I dont think I ever actually blamed myself for what happened, as...this is the stupid thing...we always got on great. We never even had one argument. Yet he just ran away.

I still have no answers, still doubt he'll be any good as a dad. But, I know now it wasn't me, it was him. He's ended up on his own, sharing a house with his friend and with no job to speak of. He's lost everything through his own idiocy...and he perhaps would always have been that way...I just couldn't see it at the time despite the alarm bells.

So I know that dd is far better off with me, and if it turns out to be only me then it doesn't matter anymore. She's loved and wanted here, has a secure home. She's happy and content now. She has everything she could want. We dont actually need him.

It would be a long story but I do sort of know his ex, and know how juvenile she can be. I dont actually doubt what he's told me, but still think he's a coward for not standing up to her.

On a more sinister note..now he's agreed to come here once a week..and for now he cant be taking her anywhere without me...

I have to clean my house more. Damn it.

Hey. I have to go get DS from school right now, but just wanted you to know I've been thinking of you often.

SB - well that's good - let's hope he sticks to it. have you mentioned the subject or maintenance yet?

This is so strange.

I dont even think dd likes him.

I know its early days but ive seen how she reacts to other people and she's completely different with him.

The only way I can explain it is, if she was an adult she would be keeping the barriers up right now. She sort of tolerates him.

A few weeks ago my friend brought her new bf round. He sat down and started reading dd stories. She was her normal little self with him.

She also loved my ex, bonded with him from day one.

But with him she plays rough, she's cheeky and demanding. He's trying (I think?), but when he was going he asked for a hug and she basically just jumped on him and laughed.

He didn't try and chat me up tonight which is good.

Has anyone here ever had a similiar situation and a happy ending? Or it is just too late now?

SB - have you told her he's her dad?

I haven't told her no.

Children sense when all is not as it seems.

So she seems to be looking forward to him coming around this week. Maybe I was wrong and its my own feelings getting in the way.

How long should I be leaving this until I tell her who he is?